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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband fed me a food he knows I have never eaten and never willingly will

1000 replies

Anon39 · 07/10/2023 10:22

I came back from taking our son to training and as I walked back in my husband asked me if I wanted a sausage sandwich I immediately said yes

started eating it and he said do you know what those sausage are? And I replied in the negative and he started to chuckle and said “do you like it?” So my hackles were up I stopped eating and asked for the package of sausage

he started getting defensive and I just knew it was black pudding (which I do not eat and have never eaten and he knows how I feel I have no feelings if you do eat it and that’s not the point of my post)

I found the package and it was black pudding sausage I was so upset he knew I would never have willingly eaten black pudding. I feel so betrayed and I’ve ended up crying and he has basically told me to grow up and stop being so dramatic he can’t understand why I’m so upset

it’s not really about the food it’s about the breaking my trust I would never think to question him about what type of sausage they were because I trusted him

not to drip feed I am Autistic so I am aware I have issues around food

yes you’re being unreasonable and should have checked (after 20 years of marriage)
no - your partner deliberately betrayed your trust

OP posts:
Guesswho88 · 07/10/2023 11:39

Do you think the people who stayed in Ukraine have arguments like this?

VeridicalVagabond · 07/10/2023 11:39

Guesswho88 · 07/10/2023 11:25

I'm going to go against the grain a bit here. Yes it was annoying but I get the feeling that your husband just wanted you to try it and was being a bit cheeky in the hope that you would like the taste and he could be like I told you so.

Which is a really unkind and thoughtless thing to do to someone you're supposed to love?

Honestly is this how you'd treat your own partner? Tricking them into eating food you know they don't like just so you can be smug about it and point a finger and say I told you so? It's so... Primary school bully.

panelbottle · 07/10/2023 11:40

@DysonSpheres that posters wasn't saying it was the same as caffeine free vs caffeine

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 07/10/2023 11:40

roarrfeckingroar · 07/10/2023 10:35

Ah. Big drip feed.

The information was all in the opening post. That’s the opposite of a drip feed.

TodayForTomorrow · 07/10/2023 11:41

@Redlarge agree about trust and ridicule.

Not wanting to eat black pudding is hardly an inconvenient, daily issue that affects most meals, like say a dairy or nut allergy can be. It's totally different from a child refusing to eat any kind of vegetable so blending them into a pasta sauce.

Who on here would be happy if someone fed them a "beef" burger and they later found out it was made of dog or rat? And that person did it just to laugh at them.

DahliaMacNamara · 07/10/2023 11:41

It's not about moral objections to different types of meat product. You can't always rationalise these aversions. It's about her husband being a dick for no good reason, and laughing when OP was eating it.

panelbottle · 07/10/2023 11:42

Which is a really unkind and thoughtless thing to do to someone you're supposed to love?

Honestly is this how you'd treat your own partner?

I love my DH & wider family very much. But sometimes I have been unkind, thoughtless or selfish etc in all my years of knowing them. Is that really unusual?

TodayForTomorrow · 07/10/2023 11:43

That's right. People are supposed to put up with being ridiculed by their own partner because it could be worse; they could be in a war zone. 🙄

Guesswho88 · 07/10/2023 11:44

VeridicalVagabond · 07/10/2023 11:39

Which is a really unkind and thoughtless thing to do to someone you're supposed to love?

Honestly is this how you'd treat your own partner? Tricking them into eating food you know they don't like just so you can be smug about it and point a finger and say I told you so? It's so... Primary school bully.

Show quote history

I really don't think it's as deep as that. I don't think it was done maliciously, hence why her husband is a bit taken aback now.

panelbottle · 07/10/2023 11:44

Who on here would be happy if someone fed them a "beef" burger and they later found out it was made of dog or rat? And that person did it just to laugh at them.

That's not an equivalent in the same way a shit sandwich isn't. Black pudding is a normal food sold in the supermarkets; dog & rat meat isn't

Mistressanne · 07/10/2023 11:44

MereDintofPandiculation · 07/10/2023 10:31

Would people feel so strongly if this were, say, gooseberries rather than black pudding?

I would if it was beetroot.
I would probably vomit over the person who gave it to me.

DappledThings · 07/10/2023 11:45

DysonSpheres · 07/10/2023 11:34

Think of it this way.

If I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome and I request only decaffeinated coffee and you deliberately ignore my request and trick me by giving me caffeinated and I end up with painful stomach cramps and rushing to the loo all day, that would be an awful thing for you to do.

The OP has a medical condition. She has Autism. Certain foods are massively anxiety producing. It is triggering a physical response, albeit mentally.

Do you get it now?

Show quote history

Not really. OP seems angry about it sure. Still not the same as a possible physical reaction to having caffeine or alcohol.

CorylusAgain · 07/10/2023 11:45

Guesswho88 · 07/10/2023 11:25

I'm going to go against the grain a bit here. Yes it was annoying but I get the feeling that your husband just wanted you to try it and was being a bit cheeky in the hope that you would like the taste and he could be like I told you so.

Nowhere does the OP say she doesn't eat black pudding because she thinks she wouldn't like the taste.

She stated clearly that her relationship with food is impacted by her autism. And her husband of 20 years would know this. But decided he wouldn't respect it.

panelbottle · 07/10/2023 11:45

and obviously dogs & rats aren't the same as a cow. A black pudding sausage is coming from the same source as a sausage.

sodthesodoff · 07/10/2023 11:45

Can't believe people are arguing a loved one deliberately tricking the op, making them do something they don't want to and then laughing is fine...

It's not what the food is. It's the deception, the fucking over of boundaries and the callousness to laugh about it as if ignoring someone 'no' is a joke.

Has he done this before? Not just with food?

His attitude stinks. Absolutely stinks. I have no time for people who don't respect boundaries.

PandaExpress · 07/10/2023 11:46

CorylusAgain · 07/10/2023 11:05

OP states clearly she is autistic and has issues with food.
It doesn't matter that you don't 'get it'.

Show quote history

It would seem that a lot of people on here don't get it the outrage. Considering what goes into a lot of sausages, if you eat them then it's strange to draw the line at black pudding.
I get that the OP is autistic, I have a grown autistic son. But just saying 'she's autistic' doesn't shut down the discussion completely. It never has in my house anyway, thankfully.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 07/10/2023 11:46

panelbottle · 07/10/2023 10:56

For an autistic person, this is simply a totally irrelevant question.

Perhaps the DH doesn't understand this though?

Well if you’re married to someone autistic, you need to start understanding.

panelbottle · 07/10/2023 11:48

Well if you’re married to someone autistic, you need to start understanding.

Well that would be ideal but I was simply making the point that maybe he missed it on this bit. Of course it could be that he just despises his partner.

Blitzedonions · 07/10/2023 11:49

I used to be a painfully fussy eater. The list of things I would eat was very limited and they had to be prepared in a certain way. Other than potatoes and tomato purée, I didn’t eat vegetables at all. My husband started to secretly introduce things I wouldn’t eat into our everyday day meals.

Now I would class myself as a normal eater, more or less. I even enjoy black pudding.

The difference is that I found my fussiness frustrating and wanted to eat like a normal person. I just couldn’t bring myself to make the changes.

excelledyourself · 07/10/2023 11:49

roarrfeckingroar · 07/10/2023 10:35

Ah. Big drip feed.

No, and you should apologise.

Redmat · 07/10/2023 11:49

I've had rabbit given to me as chicken.
It seems to be something people like to do to prove to others they can like food they say they don't want to eat. It's a bit annoying but no big deal in my obviously wrong(!) opinion.

VeridicalVagabond · 07/10/2023 11:50

Guesswho88 · 07/10/2023 11:44

I really don't think it's as deep as that. I don't think it was done maliciously, hence why her husband is a bit taken aback now.

Show quote history

I'm sorry, he presumably is aware his own wife is autistic and has issues with food, how is tricking her into eating something she has an aversion to not malicious? Food aversion is not the same as "I don't like this thing".

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 07/10/2023 11:50

Guesswho88 · 07/10/2023 11:39

Do you think the people who stayed in Ukraine have arguments like this?

Just when I thought the posts on this thread couldn’t get any wankier…

Hummingbird233 · 07/10/2023 11:53

@Yikes101 hiding vegetables in kids food is completely different.

The intention of hiding vegetables is to try to get nutrition into your child for their health.

OPs husband did this to prove to OP she likes the taste. Or to get one over on her. Whatever the reason, it wasn't in her best interests. It's completely different.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 07/10/2023 11:53

PandaExpress · 07/10/2023 11:46

It would seem that a lot of people on here don't get it the outrage. Considering what goes into a lot of sausages, if you eat them then it's strange to draw the line at black pudding.
I get that the OP is autistic, I have a grown autistic son. But just saying 'she's autistic' doesn't shut down the discussion completely. It never has in my house anyway, thankfully.

Show quote history

But it doesn’t matter if you or anyone else thinks it’s “strange” to draw the line at black pudding. The point is, the OP doesn’t want to eat it, her husband knows this, but still tricked her into eating it and then laughed about it.

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