Husband fed me a food he knows I have never eaten and never willingly will

[Anon39]

I came back from taking our son to training and as I walked back in my husband asked me if I wanted a sausage sandwich I immediately said yes

started eating it and he said do you know what those sausage are? And I replied in the negative and he started to chuckle and said “do you like it?” So my hackles were up I stopped eating and asked for the package of sausage

he started getting defensive and I just knew it was black pudding (which I do not eat and have never eaten and he knows how I feel I have no feelings if you do eat it and that’s not the point of my post)

I found the package and it was black pudding sausage I was so upset he knew I would never have willingly eaten black pudding. I feel so betrayed and I’ve ended up crying and he has basically told me to grow up and stop being so dramatic he can’t understand why I’m so upset

it’s not really about the food it’s about the breaking my trust I would never think to question him about what type of sausage they were because I trusted him

not to drip feed I am Autistic so I am aware I have issues around food

yes you’re being unreasonable and should have checked (after 20 years of marriage)
no - your partner deliberately betrayed your trust

What is sealioning?

‘Why’ is very seldom ‘beside the point’. In your opinion it is here. I was interested in this point so I pursued it, without being aggressive or offensive to anyone.

But you’re another who immediately tagged me and started attacking. Just why? Can’t anyone explore the reasons and motivations behind an OP without being berated? I was perfectly pleasant about it.

Seems as if anyone who dares to step beyond the ‘yes he’s a monster’ rhetoric, gets the full force of the thread police.

It’s what someone (possibly @pikkumyy77 - can’t remember and they’ve been deleted) accused me of for daring to come and defend myself each time someone lobbed an insult at me.

Sealioning is a typical form of online behavior where a poster diverts a thread by demanding that everyone answer their questions or address their concerns.

Which is sort of the opposite of what I did! I posed a theory that others leapt on and were insulting about 🤷‍♀️I didn’t invite, much less demand, responses.

There are two principal reasons for refusing a food.
One is that the person does not like the taste or appearance (perhaps based on unfamiliarity).
The other is that the person has personal reasons based on ethics, religion or a personally felt repugnance. No one has the right to query this reason and it should be respected. No amount of deception by disguising the food can overcome these reasons.
Trying to overcome another’s objections for the first reason is also disrespectful but in my view is not as unethical especially if the subject is a young child but you risk losing the subject’s trust.

I meant to add that personal o bjections to eating certain foods ought not to be questioned. It seems to me that posters are querying the OP’s reasons in order to belittle her decision and to bolster their argument that she is being unreasonable and a drama queen

I've had similar many times over my hatred of mushrooms. People feel it's their mission to make me try them. They give me the heave, the thought of them is awful and makes me gag. Most recent was a colleague who offered to make a meal, "is there anything you won't or can't eat?" No mushrooms in any form please, apart from that we are good to go, explained that the thought of them makes me gag. Made a bolognese which was fine, thanked her for the meal and she took great delight in telling me that it has mushroom ketchup in it and I must be ok with them because I didn't taste them. It's never been about the taste, I have no idea what they taste like, the smell of them gives me the heave, the thought of them gives me the heave so what had been an ok dinner was now something that left a bitter taste (not literally) and actually made me see the person as untrustworthy.

Christ this thread is still going? 🙄

Your friend is a bit of a twit re mushshroom ketchup. I use George Watkin's mushroom ketchup but it's used in the same way as Lee & Perrin's or umami paste to give a depth to savoury flavour. It's not intended to taste of mushroom.

OK but what does it mean?

I have been perfectly pleasant too! I have NOT attacked you or anyone else or been aggressive or offensive. If you don't think this is the case then IMO MN is probably not the forum for you. And if you have been attacked in any way then report it.

From what you have said (I am not going back over the thread over this), I assume (I don't know!) people are getting frustrated with you because they may feel you are either missing the point or making an irrelevant one. Are you expecting the OP to justify herself and/or her aversion? The person who (I feel) should be justifying themselves is the DH (doubt they can). However I don't think he is a "monster".

If someone doesn't want to do something and is made or duped into doing it, that's pretty bloody unpleasant. You have been focusing on the something rather than the fact it happened IMO.

You can keep asking the OP, maybe she will deign to answer you?

And it's not the thread police, it is just people who don't have the same opinion as you.

Thank you!

Your husband is wierdo but how on earth didnt you know you were biting into a black pudding? Like there is no sausage that looks like black pudding,its literally..black.

Same answer..i check my food before i eat it- Blood sausage has a distinct smell,taste and even more distinct look its not like mixing up pork vs chicken sausage. Like how?

But you are missing the point. Why should the op have to check their food FFS. Do you check your food that your DP makes for you. No you sit down, perhaps reading, on MN or watching telly and eat the food.

I hate mushrooms, fish, cabbage and all fruit.... should I have to poke through everything my DP makes just in case it's been added for a joke?

I would yeah but i make all my food myself, handful of times over 18 years i have asked my husband to cook for me and then after inspection i told him what he didnt get right and next time cooked myself because i know how i like my food.

her husband is an idiot no doubt but i dont get how someone misses biting into blood sausage,i can smell it as soon as it enters a room,nevermind,the whole family can smell it upstairs when i am frying it with fan on full blast and window open (husband is allergic to onions so i do my best to keep the kitchen well ventilated) but thats not enough he and the kids know what i have been cooking after i have eaten done the dishes kept the window open and the fan on.

If the OP has never tasted black pudding how would she know it was there ? Black pudding sausages are not the same as black pudding itself, they only contain a certain amount. And if, up to that point she trusted her partner not to go against her wishes, she wouldn’t have had a reason to even think it was there.

I have no idea, rational or not the thought that they are in their is enough to put me off.

It may well be that this is her usual ingredient (I'm a Worcestershire sauce for that kind of thing) but why bother asking what I won't eat? If she'd not told me I'd have been none the wiser.

If she ate it and enjoyed it then her reaction is silly. Just accept you’ve been introduced to a new food and enjoy your new expanded palate.
Some children have a massive aversion to vegetables. We hide vegetables in their food every day. If you then go on to tell them the yummy food was vegetables and they cry, you tell them it’s not worth crying about and laugh to lighten the mood. They can’t live their lives crying about having eaten a food that they didn’t think they would enjoy before they ate it and then did enjoy it… see how ridiculous that sounds. That’s what the op has done.

If OP eats sausages normally but not black pudding because it’s got blood in it, I’m more confused than ever. Sausages contain the flesh of animals encased in intestines, how that is any different or better than blood I don’t know.

So many people in this thread are using the word ‘consent’ and the implication of that word and ‘no means no’ in this context is fucking disturbing and weird.