Husband fed me a food he knows I have never eaten and never willingly will

[Anon39]

I came back from taking our son to training and as I walked back in my husband asked me if I wanted a sausage sandwich I immediately said yes

started eating it and he said do you know what those sausage are? And I replied in the negative and he started to chuckle and said “do you like it?” So my hackles were up I stopped eating and asked for the package of sausage

he started getting defensive and I just knew it was black pudding (which I do not eat and have never eaten and he knows how I feel I have no feelings if you do eat it and that’s not the point of my post)

I found the package and it was black pudding sausage I was so upset he knew I would never have willingly eaten black pudding. I feel so betrayed and I’ve ended up crying and he has basically told me to grow up and stop being so dramatic he can’t understand why I’m so upset

it’s not really about the food it’s about the breaking my trust I would never think to question him about what type of sausage they were because I trusted him

not to drip feed I am Autistic so I am aware I have issues around food

yes you’re being unreasonable and should have checked (after 20 years of marriage)
no - your partner deliberately betrayed your trust

She’s not a vegetarian. There are no moral, ethical or religious reasons why she wouldn’t eat black pudding.

Her moral or ethical reasons are her own, and the point is, it’s not for others to decide whether they’re valid or not. Black pudding is a blood product. Lots of people have a problem with it. Some people are trying to justify what the BF did as trying to prove ‘it was nice’ and broadening her palate. She didn’t say she didn’t like it, she said she would never eat it. BF knew that, so at the very least he has no respect for her boundaries.

So many people in this thread are using the word ‘consent’ and the implication of that word and ‘no means no’ in this context is fucking disturbing and weird.

No. What is disturbing and weird is your refusal to accept that no means no in all contexts. And flesh and blood are two different things. Just because you eat the flesh of the animal doesn’t mean you also want to consume the blood in a food made with it as a by product.

Of course it is an issue of consent. OP did not consent to eating it. What else would you call it?

OP hasn't really gone into her reasons for not eating it, probably because it is beside the point, so it may be for moral, ethical or religious reasons (not that that matters). OP has said she has a strong aversion to black pudding and has never eaten it and DH was well aware of this. This isn't some silly whim or fad. This is her life long decision.

I have meat eating friends that wouldn't eat deer or rabbit (but it's all flesh right? No different or better than other meat?) but if I snuck some into their food to expand their palate they would probably never speak to me again.

But as OP said right at the start of this thread, the ins and outs of eating black pudding are not the point of my post and it’s not really about the food it’s about the breaking my trust which most people understand on here.

I'm not sure if @ttcat37 is just being goady at this point or so lacking in empathy that they cannot comprehend how someone who has been duped into doing something against their will, something they have very strong feelings about, by the person who is supposed to love, respect and "have their back" would be extremely upsetting. And then belittles them to boot

So after 34 pages of discussion, can we accept that black pudding is not a sausage, that it’s a blood product and therefore some people will be averse to eating it without it necessarily being due to religious or ethical reasons. And that consuming the flesh of an animal is not the same as consuming the blood or products made specifically from blood ? And more importantly, can we all at least agree that the OP has a perfect right to decide what she does and doesn’t put into her body, without having to justify that decision ? And that BF had no right to do what he did, given that he knew her feelings on the matter ?

@Rosscameasdoody alas! No! That would be too kind, sensible, and rational! Poor OP seems to gave struck a nerve with the very kind of posters who in the real world feed peanuts to grandchildren with nut allergies or put mushroom flavoring into sauces because “you will never know!”

They are the food equivalent of those chill wives who are never bothered, supposedly, by the most egregious behavior by their spouses. Of course its all a pose just to troll the other good faith posters. If, instead of mince, the dh gad substituted Horse meat, or dog meat, these very posters demanding that OP acknowledge she is unreasonable would be rolling on the floor with outrage at the husband’s actions.

He’s a wanker, don’t trust him to prepare food for your family if he’s proven he’s this disrespectful to peoples’ dietary reqs.

Not sure why all the pick me’s are pretending food preferences don’t matter. If you went out for dinner and ordered a beef dish only to find out after the fact you had been fed dog or horse you would, rightly, lose your fucking minds.

Not everyone wants to eat powdered pigs blood, offal and barley in a wax sock.

@Mothership4two, not being goady at all, just wholeheartedly believe that a) the op was being silly about every single aspect of the whole situation and b) eating blood is no different to eating any other part of a sentient creature whether it be a steak or a sausage.

I hate mushrooms, I’d never choose to eat them, but if DH cooked them for me and I liked them I’d be happy that he’s found a way for me to eat a different food. I don’t get this whole thing about betrayal and trust in this context- he’s not shagged someone else, he’s given her a food which she enjoyed. It’s ridiculous and a massive reach to say this is about consent. If it’s such a massive betrayal, does she now divorce him? ‘Unreasonable behaviour- fed me a sausage and I liked it’

I think it has been explained many times now @ttcat37 - if you don't get it you don't get it

Agree. I would not eat black pudding for many years but if served it in an unrecognisable form I would not kick up a fuss at being 'tricked'. If my DH did this I would get cross and stomp a bit but other than that it's no big deal. Worse things happen at sea.

😂
”So after loads of pages of disagreement and discussion, can we all just agree that I’m right?!”

Um, no. Not everyone bows to your superior opinion! You may just have to accept that 🤷‍♀️

But don’t you know that you’re Wrong, because @Rosscameasdoody said so?!

I can't decide if they are pick me's pretending because they're desperately trying to show off how cool they are or if they genuinely don't understand the concept of consent.

**

I would never willingly eat black pudding either. Mayor disrespect he is vile

Major

This was cruel, if you had been allergic you could have died! Has he done abusive things like this before?

I think it has been explained many times now @ttcat37 - if you don't get it you don't get it

I think the trouble is that it doesn’t matter how many times you ‘explain’ your opinion, people are still entitled to disagree with it! Imagine!

Has he done other things like this OP?

uou we’re not being dramatic It was a cruel joke. I’m so sorry.

Ditto! If you don’t get that this is a tantrum issue rather than a consent issue then ‘you don’t get it’. Or lead a very sheltered life.

So does she divorce him now?

Meat eaters arguing over which part of a dead animal is acceptable to eat. Stop killing and eating animals. Problem solved.

Disagree with me if you want. It's only an opinion (if we're still allowed those these days)