Page 30 | Husband fed me a food he knows I have never eaten and never willingly will

Anon39 · 2023-10-07T09:22:15+00:00

I came back from taking our son to training and as I walked back in my husband asked me if I wanted a sausage sandwich I immediately said yes started eating it and he said do you know what those sausage are? And I replied in the negative and he started to chuckle and said “do you like it?” So my hackles were up I stopped eating and asked for the package of sausage he started getting defensive and I just knew it was black pudding (which I do not eat and have never eaten and he knows how I feel I have no feelings if you do eat it and that’s not the point of my post) I found the package and it was black pudding sausage I was so upset he knew I would never have willingly eaten black pudding. I feel so betrayed and I’ve ended up crying and he has basically told me to grow up and stop being so dramatic he can’t understand why I’m so upset it’s not really about the food it’s about the breaking my trust I would never think to question him about what type of sausage they were because I trusted him not to drip feed I am Autistic so I am aware I have issues around food yes you’re being unreasonable and should have checked (after 20 years of marriage) no - your partner deliberately betrayed your trust

Broccoliforever · 09/10/2023 07:15

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Juicyj1993 · 09/10/2023 07:29

He's in the wrong. I don't think I would be so upset as to cry, but he played a nasty trick on you to - I assume - prove some sort of point.

Rosscameasdoody · 09/10/2023 09:12

ttcat37 · 08/10/2023 20:57

Of course she can be a baby, but she’s literally having a tantrum over having to eat something she doesn’t want to eat. Like a baby. It’s not a lack of respect thing- like I said before, people do this to their kids every single day. It’s not a lack of respect thing. It’s a ‘see? It’s nice isn’t it’ thing.

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This comment wins the thread !! Why is it a tantrum ? She didn’t ‘have to’ eat it - she made a conscious decision not to. But her partner thought it would be fun to feed it to her disguised as something else to trick her, then belittled her when she got upset. How is that not lack of respect ? ‘See it’s nice isn’t it’ is something you say to a child when you’re broadening their food choices, not a grown adult who you know to be consciously avoiding that particular product. Not once, in any of the OP’s posts did she say she didn’t like it - she said she would never eat it. Two different things. Even if she thought she didn’t like it, that still wouldn’t give him the right to do what he did.

Rosscameasdoody · 09/10/2023 09:15

ttcat37 · 08/10/2023 21:01

I have Asperger’s, and I’m saying try being less silly about bloody sausages

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Once more with feeling. Black pudding is not the same product as sausage. The main component is the blood of the animal and many people have a real problem with it.

Rosscameasdoody · 09/10/2023 09:33

AmIthatweird · 08/10/2023 21:36

Still no one has managed to explain what is so different between a ‘normal’ sausage and one with tiny amounts of black pudding? Not in any meaningful way anyway. It’s not a religious thing or a cruelty thing or a vegan thing.

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No, it’s a consent ‘thing’ and a personal choice, which the OP’s partner didn’t respect. He took something she felt strongly about and used it against her.

The main component of black pudding is blood. Ordinary sausage does not contain blood. Even if it’s a small amount of black pudding in the sausage it still contains blood. The OP says she would never eat black pudding - clearly meaning she has a problem with the blood element.

Several religions including Judaism, Islam and Jehovah’s Witness would not allow consumption of black pudding because consuming blood is forbidden. They believe that God decreed the life of an animal to be in the blood, and as such that belongs to him. Kosher/Halal meat means that the animal has been slaughtered in a way which drains the blood from it completely before processing.

DotAndCarryOne2 · 09/10/2023 09:42

Mummydrama · 09/10/2023 00:41

Uhm I'm on the fence with this one! I dont eat black pudding for religious reasons so if my husband gave me it I would be fuming too. But if it was somrthing I didn't eat just because I maybe didnt like the taste or always just avoided it, just because i didnt like the look of it then it wouldn't be so bad. But then again he knows your autistic so this may come into play.

Are you on the fence about the actual food or the appalling lack of respect her partner showed her in deliberately feeding her something he knew she had an aversion to, then mocking her when she got upset ? And why would her autism make it OK for him to do something to her without her consent ?

Rosscameasdoody · 09/10/2023 09:44

Iateallthechocolate · 08/10/2023 19:29

Oh dear, now you're going to have to pee in his lager. Shame that

Yep. Perfectly acceptable to some - apparently it would be ‘broadening his taste’ !!

Rosscameasdoody · 09/10/2023 09:56

AmIthatweird · 09/10/2023 07:02

I. Know.

What I’m trying to get at is that no one has been able to actively explain why some meat-eaters reject black pudding.

I’m not disputing that he took away her choice. I’ve already said it was a dick move 🙄

@pollymere has just said she doesn’t eat offal for ‘various reasons’. I’m also interested in what those reasons are.

I think much of this aversion to black pudding/offal is just squeamishness. As I said in my very first post, that’s fine

But call it what it is! Don’t elevate it to some great moral level. Yes, there are religious reasons for some, but, crucially not for OP. She’s also not a vegetarian.

Simply not liking it would make sense… but that didn’t seem to be the issue either!

So I get that he took away her choice, but it wasn’t as if it was some grand moral choice. If I point-blank refused to, say, sit on the left hand side of the sofa, my OH might start getting a bit eye-rolly about it at some point.

The fact that some posters-turned-detectives have revealed that OP’s husband is actually an abusive twatw as evidenced on other threads doesn’t really change this idea in the abstract.

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It probably is squeamishness. Black pudding is a blood product and some people find it abhorrent - the same as many people find the thought of haggis revolting because of the sheep’s stomach element. I don’t think the OP is taking the moral high ground here, she just doesn’t like the idea of it and made a decision not to eat it. As you say, that’s her choice.

Pinkfluff76 · 09/10/2023 10:04

What an absolute wanker your husband is! Mean and pathetic and childish

GingerNutMe · 09/10/2023 10:12

Sorry if this has already been covered but with 30 pages of posts!!!!!!

Where did he buy them from - I love a decent black pudding so would love to try them myself.

BarbaraofSeville · 09/10/2023 10:27

They are linked to earlier in the thread, but seeing as they contained 10% black pudding, finely ground and undetectable to someone who hates black pudding, probably not something worth seeking out as a black pudding lover.

Although they did look like nice sausages.

CasperGutman · 09/10/2023 10:36

I personally like black pudding, and can't see any logical reason for excluding it from your diet. But that's not even remotely close to the point here. I'm fully aware that many people, even leaving aside specific autism-related aspects to the OP's relationship with food, choose not to eat black pudding because they find it a bit icky. Feeding it to an adult you know full well would not choose to eat it is manipulative and unpleasant. It is not a loving act at all.

Hersecretserviceyourmaj · 09/10/2023 10:39

Well everyone is still talking and the OP hasn't come back.

Original poster

Anon39 · 09/10/2023 10:48

I’m still here I have read every comment and taken on board what everyone has said. In relation to my post 5 years ago (which another posted referenced) my husband and I separated for 2 years and those issues were addressed with therapy etc. and we worked really hard to reconcile our differences.

which is why this was so upsetting for me as for 2 years we have been a well functioning couple communicating effectively and generally putting our all into being an effective partnership such as division of labour.

he has now accepted that he didn’t give me a choice and that in itself was his error and going forwards to prevent any miscommunication or misunderstanding I will cook only for myself (after I’ve rubbed his toothbrush around the toilet a few times first though to broaden his tastes 😂) - this is a joke I wouldn’t really do this.

OP posts:

Winnipeggy · 09/10/2023 11:10

I'm a veggie and if my partner knowingly fed me meat I would leave him. It's demeaning and disrespectful and downright cruel to do that to you.

Catza · 09/10/2023 11:18

PoliticallyIncorrectHitchling · 07/10/2023 10:52

OP is not a kid! Her "D"H know she doesn't eat a black pudding sausage yet he fed it to her and mocked her.
Are you always this silly or did you decide to be deliberately obtuse today?

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I think there is a big big difference between arshole behaviour and abuse. Sadly, some people on here don't seem to recognise that.

pollymere · 09/10/2023 11:36

@AmIthatweird It's really not very interesting. When I was pretty young I had issues about eating animals generally. I decided that I felt okay eating the outside of animals but not the insides.

It's also a taste thing.

So now you know my various reasons for not eating offal.

AmIthatweird · 09/10/2023 11:41

pollymere · 09/10/2023 11:36

@AmIthatweird It's really not very interesting. When I was pretty young I had issues about eating animals generally. I decided that I felt okay eating the outside of animals but not the insides.

It's also a taste thing.

So now you know my various reasons for not eating offal.

Thank you.

AmIthatweird · 09/10/2023 11:56

I don’t wish to denigrate anyone’s reasons for not eating offal or black pudding. I’m really playing devil’s advocate, as I’ve already acknowledged that the way in which OP’s husband played this was unpleasant.

BUT

I’m reminded of a time when a group of children were dividing up one of those traybake cakes. One of the girls insisted “I only like the middle bits, not the edge.” Now, that’s not quite the same of course - it’s much easier to see here how her arbitrary stance makes very little sense. The edge is very, very like the middle, just not quite as moist or whatever.

However, if someone had served her an edge bit and ‘tricked’ her into eating it, would that be a massive issue of consent? If not, why not?

Now, granted, black pudding and sausage are more different than those two things. But a sausage with small fragments of black pudding is very much on the same continuum as regular sausage. OP was not objecting on religious grounds either.

In my cake example, it wasn’t a big deal, but it might conceivably have put some people out a small amount because so-and-so has stated a choice which, according to some posters, is sort of sacrosanct and impervious to any sort of criticism even if it’s entirely arbitrary.

I just think there’s such a thing as taking these arbitrary statements of choice too far. At some point, other people’s choices do intersect with ours and we perhaps should be prepared to defend our choices with reason in those cases.

I’m not actually saying this is one of those cases, but neither am I comfortable with this wholesale worship of ‘choice’, as if no one may ever dare question it once someone has laid down a fairly arbitrary statement.

Hersecretserviceyourmaj · 09/10/2023 12:01

Catza · 09/10/2023 11:18

I think there is a big big difference between arshole behaviour and abuse. Sadly, some people on here don't seem to recognise that.

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The two types of behaviour can be intertwined.

pikkumyy77 · 09/10/2023 12:15

I’m not actually saying this is one of those cases, but neither am I comfortable with this wholesale worship of ‘choice’, as if no one may ever dare question it once someone has laid down a fairly arbitrary statement.

What an utterly pointless and insulting argument to have on someone elses’s thread.

AmIthatweird · 09/10/2023 12:19

pikkumyy77 · 09/10/2023 12:15

I’m not actually saying this is one of those cases, but neither am I comfortable with this wholesale worship of ‘choice’, as if no one may ever dare question it once someone has laid down a fairly arbitrary statement.

What an utterly pointless and insulting argument to have on someone elses’s thread.

Um okay. Don’t you like thinking? Is it beyond your comprehension that people might develop a line of thought that is directly related to the topic in hand?

Or is it only ok to come on here shouting ‘abuse’ and putting your fingers in your ears?

T1Dmama · 09/10/2023 12:35

So advocating that people shouldn’t have choice?

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 09/10/2023 12:38

AmIthatweird · 09/10/2023 11:56

I don’t wish to denigrate anyone’s reasons for not eating offal or black pudding. I’m really playing devil’s advocate, as I’ve already acknowledged that the way in which OP’s husband played this was unpleasant.

BUT

I’m reminded of a time when a group of children were dividing up one of those traybake cakes. One of the girls insisted “I only like the middle bits, not the edge.” Now, that’s not quite the same of course - it’s much easier to see here how her arbitrary stance makes very little sense. The edge is very, very like the middle, just not quite as moist or whatever.

However, if someone had served her an edge bit and ‘tricked’ her into eating it, would that be a massive issue of consent? If not, why not?

Now, granted, black pudding and sausage are more different than those two things. But a sausage with small fragments of black pudding is very much on the same continuum as regular sausage. OP was not objecting on religious grounds either.

In my cake example, it wasn’t a big deal, but it might conceivably have put some people out a small amount because so-and-so has stated a choice which, according to some posters, is sort of sacrosanct and impervious to any sort of criticism even if it’s entirely arbitrary.

I just think there’s such a thing as taking these arbitrary statements of choice too far. At some point, other people’s choices do intersect with ours and we perhaps should be prepared to defend our choices with reason in those cases.

I’m not actually saying this is one of those cases, but neither am I comfortable with this wholesale worship of ‘choice’, as if no one may ever dare question it once someone has laid down a fairly arbitrary statement.

Well unless everyone wanted the middle bit of the cake, what’s the issue with giving it to the one who wants it?

But the OP’s case is even more clear cut. She didn’t want to eat black pudding. It takes way more effort to find a way to conceal it in another food than it does to just not fucking give it to her. Not giving her black pudding would not be “wholesale worship of choice” - it’s just called not being a cock.

T1Dmama · 09/10/2023 12:40

Of course it matters!
it like the big uproar a few years ago when people were buying minced beef and later found out that it was horse/contained horse…..
Now some people would shrug and say ‘meat is meat / who cares’….
but others will be mortified about eating horse…. It comes down to personal choice and everyone should have that choice.
and in this situation OP’s partner deliberately tricked her and then mocked and bullied her for it. I’ve no idea how anyone sees that as reasonable behaviour…