Husband fed me a food he knows I have never eaten and never willingly will

[Anon39]

I came back from taking our son to training and as I walked back in my husband asked me if I wanted a sausage sandwich I immediately said yes

started eating it and he said do you know what those sausage are? And I replied in the negative and he started to chuckle and said “do you like it?” So my hackles were up I stopped eating and asked for the package of sausage

he started getting defensive and I just knew it was black pudding (which I do not eat and have never eaten and he knows how I feel I have no feelings if you do eat it and that’s not the point of my post)

I found the package and it was black pudding sausage I was so upset he knew I would never have willingly eaten black pudding. I feel so betrayed and I’ve ended up crying and he has basically told me to grow up and stop being so dramatic he can’t understand why I’m so upset

it’s not really about the food it’s about the breaking my trust I would never think to question him about what type of sausage they were because I trusted him

not to drip feed I am Autistic so I am aware I have issues around food

yes you’re being unreasonable and should have checked (after 20 years of marriage)
no - your partner deliberately betrayed your trust

Eurgh how awful. I'm a strict vegetarian and have been since I was a young child. Someone once deliberately hid meat in my food when making me a meal, then said to me I obviously liked it because I didn't say anything, so my vegetarianism was ridiculous. Never mind that 1) they'd hidden small amounts of meat such that I couldn't taste it and 2) that not detecting meat doesn't mean I liked it. It was in a work context so I reported them to their boss. Suffice to say they will not be doing it again to me or anyone else. Disgusting behaviour.

I do not and would never eat Foie Gras or Veal. It goes a step too far in animal cruelty for food. If a DH had tricked me with those foods and laughed he’d have been swallowing the plate
YADNBU

I have Asperger’s, and I’m saying try being less silly about bloody sausages

Reminds me of the maid in The Help movie serving the woman a Chocolate pie with shit then let her know. 😁

Give him one strike and he is gone. Explain how you feel to him, and try to move on. If he still won't accept he messed up or tries this again well he had a chance, and blew it.

you don’t get to decide how someone else feels about something just because you’ have Asperger’s.

I’m not saying I get to decide how someone else feels because I have Asperger’s. The previous poster replied to me and said, “she’s being autistic. Try finding out about it”. Asperger’s is autism. Which I know about. Because I have it. Hence my response. RTFT

I cannot fucking stand it when people do this.

Still no one has managed to explain what is so different between a ‘normal’ sausage and one with tiny amounts of black pudding? Not in any meaningful way anyway. It’s not a religious thing or a cruelty thing or a vegan thing.

In my brain he might as well have made dog poop sausages...

This is seriously unforgivable.

I don't eat offal for various reasons but like a weak vegetarian, I occasionally eat liver pate and I also like haggis.

However, my DH would NEVER EVER knowingly feed me offal and has jumped to my defence when being given things like oxtail for dinner.

He probably thought you'd like it if you tried it and didn't stop to think about his actions outside that. He needs to provide some sort of major I screwed up apology.

Many years ago we were on holiday in Minorca. I hated gin but loved tonic. U known to me, my husband accepted gin in it. I really gorgeous used to it and have been grateful ever since!

Ffs. Unknown to me my husband put gin in it. It was great and I really got used to it.

This thread is enormous 👀

^^ this

"I'm sorry you feel that way" is not an apology. It is tantamount to saying, "You poor thing, you're so wrong, and I'm right." And my ex did something very similar to me, years and years ago. Of all the abuses in our marriage, that stuck with me, along with a handful of others, as proof that he did not respect me in the least, and was one of the reasons for our divorce. Not the act, but what it represented.

@AmIthatweird

It. Doesn't. Matter.

OP does not eat a substance ever. She has been very clear to all that she will never eat this substance. OP's husband overrides her 'rule' and secretly gives her this substance. Husband finds it amusing when she eats this substance. OP gets upset that she has eaten the substance without her knowledge or agreement. Husband then accuses OP of overreacting. His behaviour is pretty disgusting.

I know many meat-eaters who will not eat black pudding, offal, tongue or brain. That is their choice. The OP's husband took away her choice..

Uhm I'm on the fence with this one! I dont eat black pudding for religious reasons so if my husband gave me it I would be fuming too. But if it was somrthing I didn't eat just because I maybe didnt like the taste or always just avoided it, just because i didnt like the look of it then it wouldn't be so bad. But then again he knows your autistic so this may come into play.

He's a child and I'd be raging

@Anon39 How much of your 20yrs together has he done thoughtless & childish things like this & how long has he been gaslighting you when you are genuinely hurt, upset & betrayed with his behaviour?
If he was mine he’d be on the sofa or even staying elsewhere until he realises the error of his ways!

I'm with OP it is a crappie thing your "D" H did.

Does Jamie Oliver advise informing the children that they've been tricked into eating carrots and spinach and then laugh at them?

The simple and uncontroversial thing to do once the OP made it clear that she was upset would be to a knowledge her feelings and apologise.

He didn't do that. He instead accused her of overreacting. That was the point where misjudgement (to give him the benefit of the doubt) turned into gaslighting, a form of abuse.

What he did is unacceptable. You are not being dramatic at all.

They both deserved having their sense of smell broadened by expanding their nasal passage with a sock to the nose.

I am sorry that anyone would do such a thing. Your ex and her mother are twat waffles for that behavior.

I. Know.

What I’m trying to get at is that no one has been able to actively explain why some meat-eaters reject black pudding.

I’m not disputing that he took away her choice. I’ve already said it was a dick move 🙄

@pollymere has just said she doesn’t eat offal for ‘various reasons’. I’m also interested in what those reasons are.

I think much of this aversion to black pudding/offal is just squeamishness. As I said in my very first post, that’s fine

But call it what it is! Don’t elevate it to some great moral level. Yes, there are religious reasons for some, but, crucially not for OP. She’s also not a vegetarian.

Simply not liking it would make sense… but that didn’t seem to be the issue either!

So I get that he took away her choice, but it wasn’t as if it was some grand moral choice. If I point-blank refused to, say, sit on the left hand side of the sofa, my OH might start getting a bit eye-rolly about it at some point.

The fact that some posters-turned-detectives have revealed that OP’s husband is actually an abusive twatw as evidenced on other threads doesn’t really change this idea in the abstract.