Husband fed me a food he knows I have never eaten and never willingly will

[Anon39]

I came back from taking our son to training and as I walked back in my husband asked me if I wanted a sausage sandwich I immediately said yes

started eating it and he said do you know what those sausage are? And I replied in the negative and he started to chuckle and said “do you like it?” So my hackles were up I stopped eating and asked for the package of sausage

he started getting defensive and I just knew it was black pudding (which I do not eat and have never eaten and he knows how I feel I have no feelings if you do eat it and that’s not the point of my post)

I found the package and it was black pudding sausage I was so upset he knew I would never have willingly eaten black pudding. I feel so betrayed and I’ve ended up crying and he has basically told me to grow up and stop being so dramatic he can’t understand why I’m so upset

it’s not really about the food it’s about the breaking my trust I would never think to question him about what type of sausage they were because I trusted him

not to drip feed I am Autistic so I am aware I have issues around food

yes you’re being unreasonable and should have checked (after 20 years of marriage)
no - your partner deliberately betrayed your trust

Wasn’t abusive though. It was about helping me to become a better person by broadening my palate.

This is just plain silly. The main component of black pudding is the blood of the animal, and some people find it abhorrent. Judaism, Islam and Jehovah’s witnesses among other religions, prohibit the consumption of blood products on religious grounds and will only allow consumption of the meat of animals that have been completely drained of blood. The OP’s issue isn’t meat, it’s this particular product. She made a conscious decision not to eat it, as is her right. But her partner decided he didn’t want to respect that decision and tricked her into eating it disguised as something else. And the issue here is consent. She didn’t give her consent to him feeding it to her. That’s not rocket science either but it seems to be whooshing over a lot of people’ heads nevertheless.

This has really riled me and I do think this is a genuinely arsehole thing to do whether it be your partner or not, whether you have autism or not. Never mind the trust element but a common decency level.
I don't understand why when someone says they don't like something, don't want to eat something, are following a diet for medical reasons, people are so insistent on making you eat that thing. I don't eat fish for no other reason than I can't stand it. The smell, texture taste all make me feel sick. I was out at a family meal and the bil convinced his mate working at the restaurant to either go along with a joke or mess with my food. At the end of the meal I was asked it the food was OK and then they both start laughing saying it had fish in it. Why would you do that and find someone's discomfort funny. It's bullying to the extreme at best. What we put in our bodies should be completely our choice.
He's obviously gone on the defence telling you to calm down. If it were me I'd be giving him the cold shoulder for the night and when emotions have calmed down explain rationally how hurt you were by his behaviour hopefully he'll have had time to reflect and will apologise.

Oh god I've got every sympathy for you,the slightest whiff of anything lamb based has me heaving.That's an awful thing to do when you have such a strong aversion to a particular food. 🤢

This is nothing like parents disguising vegetables or other food to make children eat them.

As parents we have a duty to parent our children which includes making sure they eat a healthy and varied diet.

The OP can be as much of "picky eater" as she wants

Im really sorry your husband did that to you. Your feelings are 1000% valid and he should respect the clear boundaries you set with him. Its so disrespectful and a definite breach of trust.

Imagine serving that cake to an alcoholic without telling a person that fruit was soaked in alcohol.

I don't get the "well you liked it/didn't notice so what's the problem"

I used to eat black pudding.

I might still like it but I don't want to eat it any more!

I used to eat liver & onions & I don't want to anymore!

Why would someone who loves me want to trick/force me into doing something that I don't want to anymore?

Depends on why you don’t eat it

FFS!

That's really nasty. I like lamb and mutton but it has a very strong, distinctive smell and taste.

I have the same feeling about chicken. The smell of roasting chicken is bleurgh.

Isn’t it amazing how many people don’t get it ? And think that being a picky eater is the same as making a conscious decision not to eat something ? Even worse are those who think that if she’s just a picky eater it’s OK for OP’s partner to take away her choice not to put something into her body, without her consent. There is no circumstance where it’s OK to do this to a consenting adult. It’s unkind and it’s disrespectful. If they don’t like something, or have chosen not to eat a particular food, what right has anyone else - well meaning or not - to try to force the issue and convince them that something is ‘nice’ just because they eat it themselves. Words fail me !!

Despicable behaviour.
my DD won’t eat pork, so I started buying chicken sausages… my ex husband said just buy pork and don’t tell her!…. I would never dream of doing that because like you say I feel it’s a huge betrayal of trust

Nope. It goes solid when it’s cooked - black pudding is mixed with cereal, fat and other ingredients.

It sounds like they were both candidates for you cleaning the toilet with their toothbrushes !! You’re were only helping them become better people by broadening their palates !!

It’s not a sausage. It’s made from animal blood and fat.

Yes disgusting.Id never eat black pudding but these days I prefer veggy sausages as the real things are very dubious. Nasty of him ,knowing how you feel.

Depends on why you don’t eat it

No. It really doesn’t. The fact that someone doesn’t want to put something in their body that they don’t feel comfortable with for whatever reason, should be respected. It’s about consent - or in the OP’s case, the lack of it.

That’s like tricking a vegetarian into eating meat. He’s a bully

It was an unkind thing to do.

We live in Spain and they eat a lot of different meat things here and I am not a huge meat eater and couldn’t stomach some of the meaty delicacies they have. I am sure they taste lovely…. but deep fried pork intestines on a skewer don’t appeal to me (an example). He many a time could have not told me what was in a dish, but absolutely always would as how would I trust him again with this if he didn’t? I don’t like mayo (the most inconvenient thing in the world not to like!) and he wouldn’t try and fool me with this either - what’s the point?

It’s not divorce worthy BUT I would feel hurt.

It’s controlling and cruel and l totally understand why you’re so upset . Is he normally this much of a dick ?

Of course she can be a baby, but she’s literally having a tantrum over having to eat something she doesn’t want to eat. Like a baby. It’s not a lack of respect thing- like I said before, people do this to their kids every single day. It’s not a lack of respect thing. It’s a ‘see? It’s nice isn’t it’ thing.

@itsallforyouandmee

It was obviously a joke and he didn't mean to upset you.

Did you not read the original post?

I never did the toothbrush thing, but one does learn other small acts of defiance. However, that will remove any vestige of high ground I had.