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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband fed me a food he knows I have never eaten and never willingly will

1000 replies

Anon39 · 07/10/2023 10:22

I came back from taking our son to training and as I walked back in my husband asked me if I wanted a sausage sandwich I immediately said yes

started eating it and he said do you know what those sausage are? And I replied in the negative and he started to chuckle and said “do you like it?” So my hackles were up I stopped eating and asked for the package of sausage

he started getting defensive and I just knew it was black pudding (which I do not eat and have never eaten and he knows how I feel I have no feelings if you do eat it and that’s not the point of my post)

I found the package and it was black pudding sausage I was so upset he knew I would never have willingly eaten black pudding. I feel so betrayed and I’ve ended up crying and he has basically told me to grow up and stop being so dramatic he can’t understand why I’m so upset

it’s not really about the food it’s about the breaking my trust I would never think to question him about what type of sausage they were because I trusted him

not to drip feed I am Autistic so I am aware I have issues around food

yes you’re being unreasonable and should have checked (after 20 years of marriage)
no - your partner deliberately betrayed your trust

OP posts:
PandaExpress · 08/10/2023 16:26

jannier · 08/10/2023 15:47

The programmes were made by Chris Packham and each was written by the autistic adult featuring in them to get over to their families ( parents included) and friends to show what their autism was like for them.....all the families who thought they knew their adult children were surprised by what it was like for their children .....so again I'm surprised your not interested.
I'm not shutting down anything being tricked and treated badly is appalling for anyone I'm surprised you seem to minimise it.....but for most Autistic people it has much more long lasting effects I'm not sure why you want to minimise it and to tell the op to chill.

Show quote history

I have never once told the OP to chill. Or even suggested that she should.
I've said that me and my DH are chilled. I've told other commenters to chill out when they've said absurd things.
I've no idea why you're trying to turn this into an education on autism thread. If you think the black pudding thing is abusive, then autism has nothing to do with it! Stop virtue signalling on behalf of all autistic people.

Batalax · 08/10/2023 18:02

If I had made clear to my dh that I didn’t want to eat broccoli and that I would never eat broccoli, and he tricked me into eating it then laughed, I’d still be just as upset. As a pp said, it’s the principle of it and the ick factor doesn’t come into it.

If I’d never had a conversation other than saying I didn’t particularly like broccoli/ whatever, in passing, and then it was hidden in a dish, it wouldn’t be quite so bad as the first scenario, as I didn’t say I would never eat it, just that I wasn’t fond of it. However if in that case my reaction wasn’t positive, I’d still be really furious if my dh’s reaction was to laugh and mock, rather than apologise immediately that he’d judged the situation wrongly.

Juced · 08/10/2023 18:09

Totally out of order and a breaking of trust, knowing your food issues and are on the spectrum is bordering on abusive but at the least disrespectful. Has he apologised at all or shown any remorse?

Skyelils · 08/10/2023 18:15

What a prick

Mrsgreen100 · 08/10/2023 18:28

He’s behaviour is very weird, gaslighting, is there other things that don’t stack up with his
interactions with you take a long, hard, calm look don’t make it about your autism. There’s something not right here. Research covert Narcissists

AmIthatweird · 08/10/2023 18:28

Batalax · 08/10/2023 18:02

If I had made clear to my dh that I didn’t want to eat broccoli and that I would never eat broccoli, and he tricked me into eating it then laughed, I’d still be just as upset. As a pp said, it’s the principle of it and the ick factor doesn’t come into it.

If I’d never had a conversation other than saying I didn’t particularly like broccoli/ whatever, in passing, and then it was hidden in a dish, it wouldn’t be quite so bad as the first scenario, as I didn’t say I would never eat it, just that I wasn’t fond of it. However if in that case my reaction wasn’t positive, I’d still be really furious if my dh’s reaction was to laugh and mock, rather than apologise immediately that he’d judged the situation wrongly.

Ok. I’m sure anyone would be upset if their partner laughed at and mocked them. Fair enough.

But what possible reason could any reasonable adult have for refusing to eat broccoli other than just not liking it?! And therefore if they do eat it via subterfuge, the ‘not liking’ thing has effectively gone. All that could remain is some rather strange ideological opposition to broccoli.

And yes, I know it’s all about consent… but seriously, just HOW can there be any non-ridiculous objection to broccoli other than taste?

I think there definitely is an ick factor because it’s black pudding and people don’t want to admit that because, well, it’s a bit silly…

AutumnCrow · 08/10/2023 18:30

Consent and intent.

clairebybear · 08/10/2023 18:31

Exactly my sentiment.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 08/10/2023 18:32

Very unkind, and laughing about it is as bad. This would be a trust issue for me and I'd be very angry 😠

EMUKE · 08/10/2023 18:34

Please show him this feed and all these messages… fucking prick like wtaf. Have some respect you absolute twat. How dare he think this is ok and appropriate behaviour?

Onabench · 08/10/2023 18:35

He is a dick head. Putting anything into your body is a choice and you should always be fully aware of what you are consuming. Purposefully deceiving someone is really awful. Some people will say you’re overreacting. I have some things I won’t eat and my husband is extremely respectful in this case. He will check food out for me without me even asking to make sure I am comfortable.

Nikki7506 · 08/10/2023 18:36

That sickens my stomach......a cruel and spiteful trick.....not at all funny.

FindingNeverland28 · 08/10/2023 18:37

My partner did this to me once. I was fuming. Fast forward a few years later and we were on holiday in Cyprus. We were at a taverna eating a starter of salad, pitta and dips. One of the dips was taramasalata. I know that this is made from fish roe. He asked what it was made from and I told him to try it first before I told him. He tried it. I told him. He was not happy. The word KARMA came up a few times.

Michaelhasalltheanswers · 08/10/2023 18:38

Your initial feeling was hurt and betrayal. You own those feelings. It may seem a bit of fun to him or he wanted to show you you could actually eat it but that is not the point. He knows you and knows you do not like it. Let him know how much it has upset you and next time put something in his food that he absolutely hates. This could be the beginning of something really special.

masterblaster · 08/10/2023 18:39

RandomButtons · 07/10/2023 10:33

It’s not comparable tbh. People don’t like gooseberries, but it’s not the same thing.

Its more comparable to feeding a vegan meat.

Show quote history

It’s feeding someone a food that is pig-based a different part of the pig. In no way at all is this the equivalent of feeding a vegan meat.

vintagelampshade · 08/10/2023 18:41

YANBU he is abusive

Panicking23 · 08/10/2023 18:42

I get massively frustrated by fussy eating (I don't mean issues like autism/arfid etc) but even I think he's a dickhead. He was deliberately unkind for no reason.

ChampagneLassie · 08/10/2023 18:43

That is a really shitty thing to do. I’d be questioning the marriage now if I were you. He sounds like he gets a kick out of upsetting you

Grammarnut · 08/10/2023 18:52

He's an idiot. Tricking people into eating food they don't like or don't wish to eat is unkind but also dangerous. What if you had been allergic to black pudding? Or he'd given you peanuts when you have a peanut allergy? It's that order of stupidity. I would feel I could not trust him for a very long time. Tell him. Mind, he probably won't understand because it was a joke!

Grammarnut · 08/10/2023 18:57

AmIthatweird · 08/10/2023 18:28

Ok. I’m sure anyone would be upset if their partner laughed at and mocked them. Fair enough.

But what possible reason could any reasonable adult have for refusing to eat broccoli other than just not liking it?! And therefore if they do eat it via subterfuge, the ‘not liking’ thing has effectively gone. All that could remain is some rather strange ideological opposition to broccoli.

And yes, I know it’s all about consent… but seriously, just HOW can there be any non-ridiculous objection to broccoli other than taste?

I think there definitely is an ick factor because it’s black pudding and people don’t want to admit that because, well, it’s a bit silly…

Show quote history

Black pudding (blood pudding) is different from broccolli. For many years I would not eat it (yuk factor) but decided to try it one day and found I liked it and I eat sausages ffs so why should I cavil about blood? I would have been furious and upset if someone had tricked me into eating blood pudding when I did not want to because I am being deceived and my feelings made a mock of - broccolli not so much.

Broccoliforever · 08/10/2023 18:58

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 08/10/2023 19:00

roarrfeckingroar · 07/10/2023 10:35

@bumtrumpet if she was vegetarian I would understand but I just can't see the problem with serving a different type of sausage that she wouldn't usually eat. She might have liked it.

With their knowledge and without laughing at them for eating something you KNEW they never wanted to eat, yeah absolutely fine to try something new. To trick someone into eating something and then behave like a dick to them about it, not ok. Regardless of what the food is.

JustCallMeKeith · 08/10/2023 19:06

I am Also Autistic and 100% understand why you were so upset and why you feel so betrayed. I would be absolutely fuming especially after living with someone for so long who knows me and my food related stuff well. Not on at all.

SirVixofVixHall · 08/10/2023 19:06

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 07/10/2023 10:24

He's a massive fucking dickhead.

This.
I would be really angry if my DH did this.

Blossom4538 · 08/10/2023 19:06

Boyfriend when I was younger did this to me…with horse meat sausages and all his family knew. I was so upset

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