Husband fed me a food he knows I have never eaten and never willingly will

[Anon39]

I came back from taking our son to training and as I walked back in my husband asked me if I wanted a sausage sandwich I immediately said yes

started eating it and he said do you know what those sausage are? And I replied in the negative and he started to chuckle and said “do you like it?” So my hackles were up I stopped eating and asked for the package of sausage

he started getting defensive and I just knew it was black pudding (which I do not eat and have never eaten and he knows how I feel I have no feelings if you do eat it and that’s not the point of my post)

I found the package and it was black pudding sausage I was so upset he knew I would never have willingly eaten black pudding. I feel so betrayed and I’ve ended up crying and he has basically told me to grow up and stop being so dramatic he can’t understand why I’m so upset

it’s not really about the food it’s about the breaking my trust I would never think to question him about what type of sausage they were because I trusted him

not to drip feed I am Autistic so I am aware I have issues around food

yes you’re being unreasonable and should have checked (after 20 years of marriage)
no - your partner deliberately betrayed your trust

So black pudding is about the only food banned by the New Testament. Obviously might not be anything to do with OP, but I know Christian’s who won’t eat anything with blood in.

He IS an abuser.

@Anon39 wrote a previous thread about his being an abusive alcoholic who has tormented her for years. His behavior has warranted police and court involvement, and a non-molestation order. He is highly manipulative and coercive, and has caused her great anxiety.

This dirty trick is just one more shitty thing.

@echinaceadreams IT'S NOT ABOUT THE SAUSAGE IT'S ABOUT WHAT IT REPRESENTS

Oh lawd imagine reading that without context 😂😂

Black pudding is quite distinct from sausages. It contains the blood of the animal and some people find it abhorrent. I asked a friend who is a Jehovah’s Witness whether they would eat black pudding, and she says absolutely not, but has no problem with ordinary sausages as they don’t contain blood products. And yes, for shame. If your DH hates courgettes why are you feeding them to him without telling him ? It’s not the food, it’s the consent. It may not be a matter for divorce but it’s still not right.

Because he will eat the dish and thoroughly enjoy it. He thinks he hates courgettes because when he's had them in the past, they've been big chunks. If I'm making a family meal and the recipe calls for courgette, I'm not going to leave out a vegetable because DH insists he doesn't like it, when in fact he'll eat it and enjoy it.
If I tell him he's eaten courgette and enjoyed it, he'd just laugh, but then would say he could taste it in the recipe next time I make it. So I don't tell him.
But then we are chilled out people in a healthy relationship, so things like this aren't cause for an argument or divorce.

He wasn’t trying to broaden her tastes, stop trying to excuse what he did. Black pudding is a blood product which some people have a real problem with. Not once did the OP say she didn’t like black pudding. What she said was that she would never eat it. They are two different things and she clearly has a problem with the product. So it’s exactly the same principle as tricking a veggie into eating meat. She made a conscious choice not to eat it, and he didn’t respect that.

The reason that Jews will only eat the flesh of animals that have been completely drained of blood, and that Jehovahs witnesses will not eat blood products or allow blood transfusions is actually contained in the Old Testament. The book of Leviticus contains an instruction from God to the Israelites that the life of all animals is in the blood, so although they may eat the flesh, they cannot consume the blood because that belongs to God.

’’For the life of a creature is in the blood, and I have given it to you to make atonement for yourselves on the altar; it is the blood that makes atonement for one's life. Therefore I say to the Israelites, "None of you may eat blood, nor may an alien living among you eat blood."

So would you say that it’s chilled and healthy to feed someone something that they haven’t said they don’t like, but that they won’t eat - clearly indicating that they have a problem with it. And then once they’ve eaten it, take pleasure in telling them they’ve eaten it, and then dismiss the distress caused to them as ‘over reaction’ ? Because that’s what we’re talking about here. That’s abuse.

I personally feel that unless there is an allergy or its a none meat eater being given meat, then it's an over reaction. But, as I say I'm a chilled out person and my DH is chilled out. So there's nothing I can think of that would cause this kind of reaction.
Having said that, I've read the drip feed about this poster being in abusive relationship with this man. So her tolerance for this kind of thing is bound to be low, understandably.
In a normal, happy and healthy relationship, this would be a complete none issue.

None of which answers what I asked you.

My DH hates courgettes with a passion. He wont eat them and doesn't want them on his plate. I make loads of meals with courgette in, he doesn't even realise and eats it. I feed them to him WITHOUT HIS CONSENT! For shame!!

Why? Just why would you do that? It’s not like courgette is a really common ingredient for sauces like onion or tomato, and it would make cooking certain dishes difficult. How many dishes naturally contain courgette - even if you DO like it?

The only reason you’re doing this is to prove a point. It’s pathetic.

No, it's not to prove a point at all. What a bizarre response!
We eat a Mediterranean diet and the majority of our dishes are home made, lots of which include courgette. It's a staple and it's good for you.
I like it. Our kids like it. DH likes the dishes I make with it in, most of the time he doesn't even know its in there.

I said it before but a worryingly large number of posters don't understand the concept of consent.

Apologies, but it's a long thread but way back a poster said something along the lines of "he has put something into your mouth without your consent".

I hope you also told him that you won't be doing any cleaning or laundry for him, since you'll be busy cooking for yourself. And then stick to it.

Black pudding is food of the gods 😋 but what he did was wrong so YANBU

It’s not a bizarre response at all. You KNOW he hates it. Yet you keep on making it. Why?!

He doesn't hate it though. He likes the food that @PandaExpress makes, even when it has courgette in it.

You only have to watch a few episodes of Eat Well for Less to know that in genuine blind tasting, many people are nowhere as particular or discerning as they claim to be and a lot of the 'don't likes' or 'can only eat X brand' are all in their minds and its good to get over fussiness like this because it usually frees the rest of their family from a limited diet to accommodate their dietary restrictions.

What a complete arsehole. That’s really not ok doing that to someone, I’d be fuming

Because if there’s no moral, health or religious reason why she hasn’t ever tried it then she’s being a bit of a baby? Her DH probably just bought the sausages and knew she wouldn’t be able to taste the black pudding so didn’t see the point in buying 2 types of sausages? Most people would say ‘black pudding? Really? I always thought I’d hate black pudding, it tastes quite nice?’
This is literally what people do every day with their children

So what if she being a baby? It’s her absolute right to decide what goes in her own body. I’d be fuming at the lack of respect.

No, she's not being a baby, she's being autistic. Try finding out about it.

I do think as a one off this could have been classed as a silly, stupid prank by OPs DH, given that in her first post there's not any suggestion this is a regular thing in 20 years... HOWEVER, in light of another poster finding a PP in which she claims DH is controlling and manipulative and so on (I've not seen it) then I'd think we would all agree she seriously needs to consider the relationship going forward. He sounds a shitty and nasty individual though I fear the OP will remain as the last post about his awful behaviour was apparently a few years ago.

You know it’s a good thread when people start quoting the bible!

Seriously though, I am a bit perplexed by it all. It seems as if a few issues are being conflated.

Firstly, if he behaves unkindly, is mocking and crowing about the incident, clearly OP is not unreasonable to be upset.

But I can’t work out precisely what role the autism plays in this. Some people are pushing the idea of ‘abuse’ very vehemently and explaining about boundaries and trust. Fair enough. But surely that logic would apply to all people, so the autism is irrelevant?

And I do think we’d be having a very different conversation if it had been a different foodstuff, say broccoli, that had been introduced by stealth into someone’s diet. I think people are squeamish about black pudding- which is fine! But it’s an emotional response, not a particularly logical one from people who eat all manner of other meat products. Again, that’s fine - but the arguing is a bit disingenuous when people claim it’s only about boundaries and trust when really it’s also a bit about a sort of ick factor.

And then there’s the consent issue. I know it’s not the same, but it still reminds me of when my sixth form students wail that they “don’t consent” when they’re asked to do something they don’t want to do (like some work 😂). We do need to be careful that we don’t go a bit mad with this concept. What if your partner organises a surprise party and invites friends into your home without checking with you? Is that abuse? And I know people have been very clear to point out that the sneaking of food into kids’ diets is very different for the simple reason that they are children, it’s worth remembering that the concept of bodily consent is pushed (quite rightly) very firmly with children when it comes to kissing relatives etc - but food is deemed to be different 🤔

I’m not making a case here, just pointing out that it’s not necessarily as black and white as some posters insist. I do think there’s some virtue-signalling and some unnecessary drama going on.

Main issue, surely, is the nastiness from the OP’s husband, not what it says in Deuteronomy about blood products?

If it's tertiary education students they consented by enrolling on the course. If it's primary or secondary education parents have consented on their behalf.

The religious aspects and autism are red herrings and completely irrelevant. I'm surprised that you are asking for confirmation that the principle should apply to everyone. Or saying it would be different if it were broccoli.

As for the surprise party analogy - I would hate it. My husband and friends know I would hate it. If it were to happen I don't see any reason why I should grin and bear it.

Nice bit of gaslighting there.