Husband fed me a food he knows I have never eaten and never willingly will

[Anon39]

I came back from taking our son to training and as I walked back in my husband asked me if I wanted a sausage sandwich I immediately said yes

started eating it and he said do you know what those sausage are? And I replied in the negative and he started to chuckle and said “do you like it?” So my hackles were up I stopped eating and asked for the package of sausage

he started getting defensive and I just knew it was black pudding (which I do not eat and have never eaten and he knows how I feel I have no feelings if you do eat it and that’s not the point of my post)

I found the package and it was black pudding sausage I was so upset he knew I would never have willingly eaten black pudding. I feel so betrayed and I’ve ended up crying and he has basically told me to grow up and stop being so dramatic he can’t understand why I’m so upset

it’s not really about the food it’s about the breaking my trust I would never think to question him about what type of sausage they were because I trusted him

not to drip feed I am Autistic so I am aware I have issues around food

yes you’re being unreasonable and should have checked (after 20 years of marriage)
no - your partner deliberately betrayed your trust

But i would assume he wrongly didn't think it was a big deal

Why would you assume that? He knows his wife is autistic and has strong issues with some foods. Does it sound likely that he'd genuinely think she'd find it funny? If you think so, maybe you have as little empathy as the OP's husband.

But you were a child. OP is a grown woman who’s been married for 20 years!

it may be massively out of character, if it isn't you need to consider options and make plans to live independently.

The autism is nothing to do with it other than perhaps compounding the impact for you. His behaviour was shitty towards anyone.

A lot of posters don't understand the concept of consent

I've noticed that. It's actually quite concerning.

Exactly!!

@Anon39, several years ago you wrote a thread about this man, an abusive alcoholic who had tormented you for years, involving the police, court, and a non-molestation order. You said it was so difficult to leave him because he knew how to manipulate you and make you feel guilty, and the control he had over you made you feel sick with anxiety. Posters were concerned about your children being exposed to such a toxic environment.

I don’t know what has occurred since you wrote that thread, but this
mean-spirited stunt is beyond the pale. It’s clear that he hasn’t changed.

I hope that one day soon you’ll bin this cruel specimen.

So you really think the OP should leave her marriage because she ate black pudding that she didn't even realize was black pudding before she was told?
Right then ....

clearly not. it's the cruelty which is why people might think he's not a keeper.

It's the same, someone else has decided you will eat what they think you should because they like it. To many the thought of eating horse, rabbit or black pudding is nauseating others will love it but why should they have the right to trick you into eating it for some perverse feeling of superiority or a joke? What gives anybody the right?

My Mum does this kind of thing. She’s on the spectrum, we suspect.

She has difficulty understanding why people feel the way they do. She would have a long conversation trying to talk you into liking something you don’t want to eat. Having established that you really don’t want to eat that, she’ll try and trick you into eating it. She thinks you are being illogical and that she is right that it tastes nice.

I agree It’s really really annoying , but I am wise to it now. I try to avoid eating there. I think you probably need to spell it out to your husband who may also struggle to see things from your point of view.

Doing this was a breach of trust
you are my husband - I need to be able to trust you
i know you think you are right
but
Some things are more important than being right
and this is one of them
and you’ve really upset me

@Notlaughingalot

If it's massively out of character no. People sometimes badly misjudge 'jokes'. If this isn't out of character, yes. Living with a person who treats you like this is much worse than being single.

My family members do not eat anything containg blood

I agree that it wasn't a kind thing to do, but the reaction seems OTT to me.

Ok so if you've never tried Anal sex is it okay to trick you into it to prove you might like it just because some people do?
Consent is about all things not just sex

For some black sausage is in the same food group as snot.

@Anon39 Purely out of interest, would you have eaten the entire sandwich if he hadn't said anything about its content?

But with some people this could cause such massive distrust they would no longer eat. My nephew is autistic he feels people lie to him then we can't get him to see his social worker or gp just because they were on holiday or off sick the day they said they would call. If your food phobic and someone breaks your trust it doesn't mean they can rationalise things like well I actually liked it but will worry more about if something is tampered with next time. Being food adverse is not a choice.

I know. He's probably just sick of tiptoeing around the OPs food issues.

Not serving someone a food they have specifically stated they don’t want to eat is not “tiptoeing around” it. It’s just common sense!

It took much more effort to deliberately serve the OP something she didn’t want than it would have to just serve something she likes.

It's about being tricked. Not nice and disrespectful. I'd expect thus from a 12- year old, not a 20-year partner. Mean.

This thread has gotten quite hilarious now.
'Sausage eater eats a sausage with a bit of black pudding in it. Some state this is grounds for divorce!'
It's not. Anybody who thinks it is, needs to chill the fuck out!

As does anyone who thinks it’s right for someone to ride roughshod over their partners’ wishes and make a unilateral decision to disguise a food they’ve been quite clear they don’t want to eat, as something else. It’s a blood product. Lots of people don’t want to eat blood products. Nothing wrong with that. The only thing that’s wrong here is that so many people think it’s not a problem to override the consent of an adult who knows their own mind.

I agree this is a consent issue here. And OP had specifically opted out of black pudding. There's no vaugery about it. No excuse. It's appalling behaviour and if not a complete ill judged one off for which he is extremely apologetic then yes, I'd consider leaving him

Well said

No. If she’s going to leave him, it will be because of the lack of trust this action has engendered. It’s about consent. And if you can’t trust your partner in consent issues - even simple ones like this - then you have to wonder what else he will find acceptable about which to deceive her. He doesn’t respect her. And without respect, you have nothing.