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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband fed me a food he knows I have never eaten and never willingly will

1000 replies

Anon39 · 07/10/2023 10:22

I came back from taking our son to training and as I walked back in my husband asked me if I wanted a sausage sandwich I immediately said yes

started eating it and he said do you know what those sausage are? And I replied in the negative and he started to chuckle and said “do you like it?” So my hackles were up I stopped eating and asked for the package of sausage

he started getting defensive and I just knew it was black pudding (which I do not eat and have never eaten and he knows how I feel I have no feelings if you do eat it and that’s not the point of my post)

I found the package and it was black pudding sausage I was so upset he knew I would never have willingly eaten black pudding. I feel so betrayed and I’ve ended up crying and he has basically told me to grow up and stop being so dramatic he can’t understand why I’m so upset

it’s not really about the food it’s about the breaking my trust I would never think to question him about what type of sausage they were because I trusted him

not to drip feed I am Autistic so I am aware I have issues around food

yes you’re being unreasonable and should have checked (after 20 years of marriage)
no - your partner deliberately betrayed your trust

OP posts:
Hersecretserviceyourmaj · 07/10/2023 17:14

The gaslighting is disgraceful. Nobody can presume anything, on behalf of the OP.

duchiebun · 07/10/2023 17:14

@denpark fair enough. I suppose ime marriages take work & people do make mistakes, can be selfish at times etc.

duchiebun · 07/10/2023 17:16

The gaslighting is disgraceful. Nobody can presume anything, on behalf of the OP.

I agree, as I said we need more info to determine whether the OP is in an abusive marriage with a man who holds her contempt.

duchiebun · 07/10/2023 17:16

in contempt

Lolabear38 · 07/10/2023 17:17

duchiebun · 07/10/2023 17:05

@Lolabear38 what's that got to do with anything?

What’s what got to with anything?

duchiebun · 07/10/2023 17:18

The context of those posts were clearly about pork so what do chicken sausages have to do with those posts?

denpark · 07/10/2023 17:19

duchiebun · 07/10/2023 17:14

@denpark fair enough. I suppose ime marriages take work & people do make mistakes, can be selfish at times etc.

I completely agree that people can make mistakes. But he clearly did this on purpose.
If you think about it-
He bought the sausages knowing she didn't like black pudding.
He cooked them knowing she wouldn't want them.
He gave them to her and neglected to inform her of their content.
He waited until she had eaten a little and then goadingly asked her if she liked them.
He then revealed what they were made of.
When she got upset, he then belittled her reaction.
He has since been gaslighting.

It is all premeditated and planned out. Those sausages didn't accidentally appear in their fridge.

cushioncovers · 07/10/2023 17:20

Therealjudgejudy · 07/10/2023 17:14

@ClassicCremeAnglaise my family members i mentioned are Jehovah's Witnesses

So they will eat meat as long as the blood has been drained out of it? But surely they are still consuming some blood products?

Hersecretserviceyourmaj · 07/10/2023 17:21

duchiebun · 07/10/2023 17:18

The context of those posts were clearly about pork so what do chicken sausages have to do with those posts?

You really don't like extending your thinking do you?

duchiebun · 07/10/2023 17:21

I completely agree that people can make mistakes. But he clearly did this on purpose.If you think about it-

But i would assume he wrongly didn't think it was a big deal as opposed to a nefarious plot. People can knowingly make mistakes. We will have to agree to disagree.

duchiebun · 07/10/2023 17:22

You really don't like extending your thinking do you?

@Hersecretserviceyourmaj The irony, you're just showing yourself up now.

literalviolence · 07/10/2023 17:23

duchiebun · 07/10/2023 17:21

I completely agree that people can make mistakes. But he clearly did this on purpose.If you think about it-

But i would assume he wrongly didn't think it was a big deal as opposed to a nefarious plot. People can knowingly make mistakes. We will have to agree to disagree.

that doesn't explain his callous response when he'd clearly upset his wife.

ErniesGhostlyGoldTops · 07/10/2023 17:23

It's a low and shitty thing to do.

Don't underestimate this. It might seem small but it's what it represents.

It was stuff like this that had me ending my seven year relationship with my ex. he did not have my back, I didn't trust him and I knew I had to get out.

duchiebun · 07/10/2023 17:23

I'm happy to debate if you want? Do you have anything apart from meaningless digs to add?

MolkosTeenageAngst · 07/10/2023 17:24

literalviolence · 07/10/2023 17:13

It matters not one jot whether you get the difference. You should still respect other's decisions.

Show quote history

I get that, I guess I would just see not liking a food and not wanting to eat it as a minority ingredient as different. If somebody said they didn’t like apple I wouldn’t trick them into feeding them a whole apple but might not think anything of feeding them a slice of fruit cake which had a small amount of apple in it, assuming they wouldn’t really be able to taste it anyway.

Obviously it would be different if they had a moral objection to the food, but if the only objection was based on taste and I thought they wouldn’t be able to taste it I might not think it was a big deal.

That said, I do sort of understand the people who have explained that they feel disgust towards some foods, if somebody had made me aware they found the thought of eating any apple stomach-turning I wouldn’t offer them something with a small amount of it in. In this situation it’s not been explained why the OP avoids black pudding or to what extent she has shared her reasons for not eating black pudding with her husband or whether he would have known she’d feel so upset or thought if she couldn’t taste it it wouldn’t be a big deal. As always hard to make a fully informed judgement with only one side of the story.

Zebedee55 · 07/10/2023 17:24

There is a big sight and taste difference between the two. Did you not realise? I find it hard to understand that you didn't.🥴

duchiebun · 07/10/2023 17:25

@literalviolence I do think he should apologise & will hopefully reflect & do so but I guess he didn't expect the OP to cry?

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 07/10/2023 17:25

People who do this kind of thing are utter wankers. It stems from thinking that other people's preferences and dislikes are stupid or unfounded, so they like trying to get one over on the person to prove they don't really dislike (or in some cases aren't really allergic to) a food that the wanker likes/thinks is harmless. Whether posters 'can't see' the problem with black pudding compared with other meat/sausage is completely irrelevant. The OP's husband (who knows she's autistic) did this on purpose, knowing she'd be bothered by it, and he laughed about it. People who play these kind of 'jokes' are not nice people.

literalviolence · 07/10/2023 17:25

duchiebun · 07/10/2023 17:25

@literalviolence I do think he should apologise & will hopefully reflect & do so but I guess he didn't expect the OP to cry?

but she did and his subsequent reaction was appalling.

denpark · 07/10/2023 17:26

ErniesGhostlyGoldTops · 07/10/2023 17:23

It's a low and shitty thing to do.

Don't underestimate this. It might seem small but it's what it represents.

It was stuff like this that had me ending my seven year relationship with my ex. he did not have my back, I didn't trust him and I knew I had to get out.

This!
It's important as little, seemingly small things growth spurt like this can chip away at you

duchiebun · 07/10/2023 17:27

I just don't think it's appalling enough to divorce over but I'm not the OP.

denpark · 07/10/2023 17:27

Ignore the strange 'growth spurt' thing!

duchiebun · 07/10/2023 17:28

😆 love a bit of random text

denpark · 07/10/2023 17:28

My phone went off on its own little ramble!

Coldbrewnumber2 · 07/10/2023 17:28

YANBU and he sounds like an absolute dick.
You have every right to be upset. I would be! Not only did he betray your trust (and slyly for that matter to) he has then invalidated your feelings on the matter by telling YOU to “grow up”.
You deserve more respect than this.

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