Husband fed me a food he knows I have never eaten and never willingly will

[Anon39]

I came back from taking our son to training and as I walked back in my husband asked me if I wanted a sausage sandwich I immediately said yes

started eating it and he said do you know what those sausage are? And I replied in the negative and he started to chuckle and said “do you like it?” So my hackles were up I stopped eating and asked for the package of sausage

he started getting defensive and I just knew it was black pudding (which I do not eat and have never eaten and he knows how I feel I have no feelings if you do eat it and that’s not the point of my post)

I found the package and it was black pudding sausage I was so upset he knew I would never have willingly eaten black pudding. I feel so betrayed and I’ve ended up crying and he has basically told me to grow up and stop being so dramatic he can’t understand why I’m so upset

it’s not really about the food it’s about the breaking my trust I would never think to question him about what type of sausage they were because I trusted him

not to drip feed I am Autistic so I am aware I have issues around food

yes you’re being unreasonable and should have checked (after 20 years of marriage)
no - your partner deliberately betrayed your trust

This is abusive.
He knowingly fed you food that you have explicitly said you don't want to eat.
He knows your issues with food.
He has been trying to play down/gaslight the situation.

What else does he do?

I'd be looking at whether this is a relationship to stay in or get out of.
Personally, I'd be leaving.

My ex did something similar to me then claimed I was crazy for getting upset.
He also used to hide things that I'd put out and then claim I must be developing dementia like one of my family members. I caught him in the act of hiding something (he didn't know I'd seen him) then watched him lie to me.

Be careful OP

That is definitely true, but disgust and logic are not necessarily connected!

I have family members who cant eat black pudding for religious reasons. If someone tricked them into eating black pudding, id be disgusted.

I think most would but this isn't the OP

Not really.

I'd be looking at whether this is a relationship to stay in or get out of.Personally, I'd be leaving.

You wouldn't talk about, try counselling when you would just up & leave asap?

Why do people take one statement and then give a totally ridiculous comparison? No, of course no one wants to be deceived over the origin of their meat, but that's not the issue in question here. It's about black pudding.

I don't really think unknowingly eating black pudding is something to cry over.

Everything is abusive on mumsnet 🙄

Many would eat chicken sausages, or sausages made with meat other than pork.

Calling it abuse and is a bit much. Am assuming people spouting that have never actually been abused.

@Lolabear38 what's that got to do with anything?

I think there are two types of people on this thread, and we're never going to understand each other. I'm in the camp of "any adult can decide that they don't want to eat something for any reason, and no one should cajole or trick them into eating it" side, and the other camp seems to be along the lines of "it's silly not to at least try something once, then you can say you don't like it, or maybe you'll end up broadening your palate and be pleased you tried it."

If I find something disgusting as an idea, I don't care if it tastes nice, so trying it is meaningless. (And in the case of sausages already containing gross things, again, disgust isn't rational.) If I just think something will taste bad and it's actually nice, then great, a new thing to eat. Being tricked into trying it, with the reasoning that parents do it to children, however, is not cool.

@duchiebun I wouldn't stay with someone who knowingly tricked me into eating a food that I have explicitly said I don't want to eat. A person who then laughed when I got upset.

That's not a loving relationship from his side. He did a very cruel and nasty thing to her.

Then you're assuming incorrectly

It's not the same as feeding a veggie meat. Veggies are more likely to be so for moral and ethical reasons. Op is just squeamish about black pudding being pigs blood she's happy to eat the rest of the pig. Not the same at all.

..because some people are capable of critical thinking. Although that seems to make others insecure.

@denpark so not talking through it or counselling as I said but straight to divorce? Seems extreme bit each to their own

OP is not just squeamish. She's autistic and has a very real issue with certain foods. Using the word 'squeamish' is downplaying this. It could be a sensory issue over which she has no control and can affect her life and choices greatly.

Not really.

Of course you do - sausages are hardly premium cuts of meat.

..because some people are capable of critical thinking. Although that seems to make others insecure.

This is brilliant! 🤣🤣🤣

I know. He's probably just sick of tiptoeing around the OPs food issues.

People talk about autistic people noticing when a brand has been substituted or a recipe changed and that hasn't even happened here.

The OP ate the sausages, and enjoyed them, and only had an issue when she found out that there was an ingredient that she objects to.

And in case people think that the 'pork' in pork sausages is 'nice pork', here is the legal definition:

• The meat content of a pork sausage is at least 52%, with the definition of meat being as defined in legislation. The meat content may include:
• fat up to 30%
• connective tissue up to 25% collagen/ protein ratio
• neck end/ jowl meat up to 10% (unless trimmed of all glands) e.g. maximum of 5.2% in a 52% pork content sausage
• rinds, or dehydrated rinds that have been rehydrated in line with manufacturer’s instructions up to 10% e.g. maximum of 5.2% in a 52% pork content sausage

Which will have blood in it anyway, so really, what's the problem with a tiny bit of dried ground up blood mixed in with all that?

https://redtractorassurance.org.uk/standards/assured-pork-sausages/#:~:text=The%20meat%20content%20of%20a,in%20a%2052%25%20pork%20content

I would expect the person I'm with to have respect for me and my choices. I shouldn't have to go to counselling to explain that to them. I can live a better life without someone like that.

Op come back and tell us why you don't eat black pudding.

It matters not one jot whether you get the difference. You should still respect other's decisions.

comparing unknowingly eating something you'd don't like to unknowingly wearing stolen goods is the antithesis of critical thinking!

@ClassicCremeAnglaise my family members i mentioned are Jehovah's Witnesses