Husband fed me a food he knows I have never eaten and never willingly will

[Anon39]

I came back from taking our son to training and as I walked back in my husband asked me if I wanted a sausage sandwich I immediately said yes

started eating it and he said do you know what those sausage are? And I replied in the negative and he started to chuckle and said “do you like it?” So my hackles were up I stopped eating and asked for the package of sausage

he started getting defensive and I just knew it was black pudding (which I do not eat and have never eaten and he knows how I feel I have no feelings if you do eat it and that’s not the point of my post)

I found the package and it was black pudding sausage I was so upset he knew I would never have willingly eaten black pudding. I feel so betrayed and I’ve ended up crying and he has basically told me to grow up and stop being so dramatic he can’t understand why I’m so upset

it’s not really about the food it’s about the breaking my trust I would never think to question him about what type of sausage they were because I trusted him

not to drip feed I am Autistic so I am aware I have issues around food

yes you’re being unreasonable and should have checked (after 20 years of marriage)
no - your partner deliberately betrayed your trust

Realistically, are those last two situations any different than when kids like name brand baked beans and the parents pour Asda own-brand into the same tins?

I didn’t realise this was something people did. But surely if they do, it’s not just to trick the kids for pure devilment - it’s because money is very tight and own brands are cheaper.

That wouldn’t be the case here. Everyday supermarket sausages, which the OP is fine with eating, are likely to be a fair bit cheaper than special recipe ones. There’s no benefit to the OP’s husband in giving her something she doesn’t want - he’s just being snide.

I remember a colleague making me tea years ago and then asking “That tea alright, was it?” I said yes and he shouted “HA! I KNEW it! I only put one teabag in! [I had a giant mug and used to use two teabags.] I KNEW you didn’t need two”.

I just thought “What an absolute arsewipe”. It made zero difference to him if I had one, two or ten teabags - he just wanted to
make his little point. And while it wasn’t exactly a major issue that I drank a slightly weaker cup of tea than usual, why make a thing of it at all?

But that's nothing to with Autism.

That's to do with a lot of people not wanting to eat products made of blood.

OP saying she's Autistic and posters jumping on that as there is somehow now a medical reason why she didn't want to eat black pudding is a red herring and so now it's poisoning or ableism is just silly.

OP doesn't like black pudding because it's made of blood. The same reason many other meat-eaters don't like blood sausage or offal, because they think it's icky or gross. Not because she's Autistic.

Even if OP hadn't mentioned being Autistic, you'd still get people saying it was terrible just because they don't like blood sausage themselves and think it's gross.

It's the Autism and black pudding issues that most people are losing their shit about.

If OP had said I'm NT and don't like onion but OP gave me a sausage with onion in, you would quite rightly have people saying he shouldn't have lied and shouldn't have tricked you into eating it.

Bit not the overreactions we've seen here.

In response to the taste yes it tasted different but we usually have chilli infused sausage/ apple etc so I made the assumption it was something like that because never in a million years would I think my husband would deliberately do this to me. I am truly shocked at him because now he is doubling down and saying basically “sorry you feel that way” which in itself is a non-apology.

he thinks it’s acceptable and he has hinted he has done it before but I’m not sure if that’s true or he is just refusing to acknowledge the trust breach

I did tell him it’s about trust between us and now I’m untrusting and he has said that in future I can cook for myself which to be fair I would probably want to do after this

Not these days. Apparently most commercial sausages use synthetic casings -they’re cheaper. Traditional sausages you buy fresh from a local butcher are more likely to be natural ones made from intestines.

It's just such a mean and petty power play.
Why would you deliberately want to trick someone you're supposed to love?

You are just as bad as he is then!!

Truly horrible, despicable thing to do. He's a nasty piece of work!!

The taste didn't bother you? So is this food aversion that you have to black pudding is just based on what it's made from? That's the thing that is confusing to me. Because of what goes in to lots of sausages (especially if you're buying supermarket ones) So it's a strange line to draw.
While I agree it's a bit shitty of your DH, I think you are completely over reacting.

This is disgusting. Its cruel. Its contemptuous. Its mocking.

I can't believe 22% of gaslighting idiots think YABU.

Relationships are based on respect and trust. He knew this was something you would be upset to eat and tricked you into doing it.

He's really, really horrible.

Does he want you to take on more of the cooking but instead of just telling you this thought he'd make some kind of performance? People sometimes do really odd things like that.

If it tasted different but not unpleasant then what is the big deal? What are your reasons for not wanting to eat black pudding if it’s not because you don’t like the taste and obviously not an ethical issue (as you are happy to eat pork meat)? If the food had tasted horrible to you I’d kind of understand, but if it didn’t taste bad because the black pudding was only a flavouring why does it matter?

Well looks like he had an agenda - guess you’ll end up doing all the cooking as well as the cleaning/laundry

A parent wanting to switch to a cheaper brand of something they normally eat, because they know the child won’t know the difference in the taste, is totally different from maliciously forcing an unconsenting adult to unknowingly eat something they have an aversion to. And when it’s your partner, who is supposed to love and respect you, it’s worse. He did it deliberately and then told the OP to grow up, and that she was being over dramatic. It’s a total betrayal of trust and the OP is right - it’s not so much the food, it’s what he did and the total lack of understanding that he has betrayed her trust.

When my incident happened with my ex, he asked me after I'd eaten the spag bol, what meat do you think was in that? Its not funny, it's manipulative, selfish and abusive trickery. He could never bring himself to eat rabbit but I would never have dreamt of tricking him into eating rabbit pie, for instance. I wouldn't eat it myself.

no, they can each do their own thing re laundry, chores etc

I think it shows real contempt, what he's done. Sorry OP.

I wouldn’t be sticking around to do either tbh.

Jesus! Just read some of the comments.

It doesn't one jot why the OP doesn't want to eat black pudding. You don't get to trample over your loved ones clearly stated boundaries just because you don't quite get why they are important to your loved one. You love that person and you respect their boundaries. That's how relationships work.

Yes that is abusive and underhand. Do you really need to be told that?

It’s not the food. It’s the malicious intent and the lack of understanding of the betrayal of trust. If a consenting adult has made a conscious decision not to eat something then it should be respected, not mocked. If my partner did something like this, I’d be rethinking the relationship.

It’s horrible of him. He deliberately deceived you so you’d do something you didn’t want to do, and he silently watched it happen. Not really sure what he was trying to achieve.

After many years in a relationship with a man who refused to eat all sorts of things because he’d decided he didn’t like them, having only eaten his mother’s poor cooking, I got fed up of the restrictions on our family’s diet, and started quietly introducing things.
He’d complain if he saw me adding lemon juice to my cooking as he ‘doesn’t like lemon’.
After years of plain dry food it was great to gradually extend the menu, and guess what, he likes many more things than he thought.
He was a beige, dry, nothing touching man when we met.

Thing is, if you didn’t like it you could have said so and just not eaten it.

I have a serious aversion to bananas. DM tried to trick me into eating banana bread and was horrified when I nearly vomited on her as I gagged and dashed to spit it out. It was revolting.

Obviously the fact that this was a completely malicious act and a betrayal of trust is lost on you. The poster who likened it to feeding meat to a vegan is spot on. If a person has made a conscious choice not to eat a certain food, that should be respected, no matter what it is. Not fed to you for a laugh by the one person in this world you should be able to trust unconditionally.

No, I don’t need to be told that and I disagree it’s abusive. Underhand? Yes I would agree to that. Unkind? Possibly that too. The word ‘abuse’ is thrown around on mumsnet so easily that it loses all meaning and diminishes examples and cases of where abuse is actually happening.

Missing the point. Her partner knew her aversion to black pudding and fed it to her disguised as something else. Then mocked her when she got upset. That’s the issue, not the food.

If he'd have fed you something your culture prohibited, or you actively disliked then I'd say fair enough. I don't like blood sausage in concept either, though I have eaten it and it's actually tasty. So I'm guessing he wouldn't have given you the whole thing but was wondering if you'd actually enjoy it disguised, as it were.
I mean, you eat meat which does contain blood. So I don't see it as a massive betrayal of trust but I also don't think you're wrong to be annoyed. But it's not the end of the world.

Of course it’s abusive. He deliberately betrayed her trust and then mocked her when she got upset. It’s about control and I’ll wager it’s not the only time something like this has happened.