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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband fed me a food he knows I have never eaten and never willingly will

1000 replies

Anon39 · 07/10/2023 10:22

I came back from taking our son to training and as I walked back in my husband asked me if I wanted a sausage sandwich I immediately said yes

started eating it and he said do you know what those sausage are? And I replied in the negative and he started to chuckle and said “do you like it?” So my hackles were up I stopped eating and asked for the package of sausage

he started getting defensive and I just knew it was black pudding (which I do not eat and have never eaten and he knows how I feel I have no feelings if you do eat it and that’s not the point of my post)

I found the package and it was black pudding sausage I was so upset he knew I would never have willingly eaten black pudding. I feel so betrayed and I’ve ended up crying and he has basically told me to grow up and stop being so dramatic he can’t understand why I’m so upset

it’s not really about the food it’s about the breaking my trust I would never think to question him about what type of sausage they were because I trusted him

not to drip feed I am Autistic so I am aware I have issues around food

yes you’re being unreasonable and should have checked (after 20 years of marriage)
no - your partner deliberately betrayed your trust

OP posts:
Iamclearlyamug · 07/10/2023 13:54

What a wanker

M4J4 · 07/10/2023 13:55

He’s a cunt. Don’t eat anything he makes again and never cook for him again, just cook for yourself.

LakieLady · 07/10/2023 14:00

CurlewKate · 07/10/2023 13:51

I absolutely hate milk or cream that is even slightly "on the turn". So slightly most people wouldn't notice. I know I am a bit precious about this. When my dp makes me a cup of tea he checks the milk and if he is any doubt he doesn't use it for me. Because he is a nice guy and not a dickhead.

I can't abide the texture of anything like oysters, mussels etc. They trigger my gag reflex.

If someone I loved and trusted, and who loved me, served me up something with a mollusc in for a laugh, I would be really upset.

readbooksdrinktea · 07/10/2023 14:01

Fucking arsehole!

caringcarer · 07/10/2023 14:01

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 07/10/2023 10:25

If he had forgotten or served you it in error I'd think you were being a bit over the top. However he deliberately tricked you, laughed about it and sounds like he was mocking you. There is only one person that needs to grow up in your relationship. You had a clear boundary that he knew about and because he doesn't understand it (or just because he is mean and nasty?) he decided to trample all over it because he thinks his viewpoint about the type of food is more valid than yours. Which is not OK

He sounds vile.

Nanaof1 · 07/10/2023 14:04

ActDottie · 07/10/2023 13:20

I’d get it if it was a particular animal you don’t eat like venison but if you eat the animal anyway then it doesn’t really matter imo.

Well, I eat beef but I have no desire to eat tripe, cow eyes, beef tongue or Rocky Mountain oysters and I bet the majority of meat eaters feel the same. There are people that eat all of the above, but I am not one of them.

CurlewKate · 07/10/2023 14:05

@LakieLady Yours is entirely reasonable (if incomprehensible to a mussel fan like me!") But mine is completely irrational. The same principle applies though. Nice people humour our irrationalities if they have no impact on anyone else.

Whattodo112222 · 07/10/2023 14:07

In a word, he's a cunt.

Whattodo112222 · 07/10/2023 14:07

In a word, he's a cunt.

AutumnCrow · 07/10/2023 14:09

SurpriseItsMeHorseyNeighNeigh · 07/10/2023 11:04

No means no. OP doesn't have to give anyone any fucking reason for not wanting to put black pudding in her own mouth.

Why would anyone fucking care to the point of tricking her to eat it.

Show quote history

And then he chuckled. I voted 'YANBU' just for the chuckling.

NatashaDancing · 07/10/2023 14:11

EightChalk · 07/10/2023 13:33

Hence why it's not rational. I'll eat sausages, which as we all know are made with god knows what, but if someone tried to serve me offal, I'd refuse to eat it and would feel disgusted if I took a bite without realising, even if it tasted nice. No logic at all, but I don't think an uncommon viewpoint.

Show quote history

Haggis -

Made with oatmeal and the stuff that's usually thrown away, but, many people who go "eugh offal" (which for the avoidance of doubt, they are entitled to do at any age and for no reason) eat and enjoy haggis.

ElonGates666 · 07/10/2023 14:11

That's probably in sausages too.

Black pudding would not be sold in shops in Israel or any Moslem country. Dog might be sold in a shop in a certain country.

Lolabear38 · 07/10/2023 14:16

I know this isn’t the point of the thread, but I don’t understand how you didn’t know it was black pudding? Black pudding is an entirely different colour, taste and texture to a regular sausage. It would surely have been obvious?

And to the poster who commented it’s akin to giving a vegan person meat, it’s really not! What an absurd thing to say 😂

None of the above is to say I think he should have done what he did, I don’t think I would have reacted as strongly to it though (I’m not autistic though). My DH always said he didn’t want to try Impossible meat products but a couple of months ago I made him a cottage pie using it and didn’t tell him until after, he didn’t notice. I didn’t realise I was being abusive.

Batalax · 07/10/2023 14:17

I’d be upset purely because if you can’t trust him to respect your wishes with that, you can’t trust him over anything else either, and what is a marriage without trust and respect?

C1N1C · 07/10/2023 14:18

I understand the misleading sort of this... but I also think there needs to be context regarding the 'why'?

If it's an adamant vegan being tricked into eating meat, fine. If it's someone with an intolerance or allergy, fine. But if it's just a 'I don't think I'll like it', or 'I'm not keen on the idea of blood in food'... I'm on the fence.

Realistically, are those last two situations any different than when kids like name brand baked beans and the parents pour Asda own-brand into the same tins?

I'm not disagreeing, but I think there's a leniency depending on context.

JFDIYOLO · 07/10/2023 14:19

It was a sly, manipulative and controlling thing to do. Knowing full well you have issues with food to trick you into eating something you would never have consented to eating.

Longdarkcloud · 07/10/2023 14:20

@Nanaof1 I like you I am a meat eater but will not eat offal and black sausage contains blood and is therefore offal. There has been a distaste of consuming blood for millennia and it is a tenet of some religions. One should respect the dietary choices of others.
The Husband’s intent was malicious and has destroyed trust and has ensured by one stupid act of preventing the OP from being able to relax and enjoy a meal.
Is he coercive and controlling in other ways?
If you feel your relationship is worth saving then I’d suggest mediation so he can be made to understand how far he has crossed the line and how your trust can be restored
Good luck

jannier · 07/10/2023 14:23

CurlewKate · 07/10/2023 11:27

@SurpriseItsMeHorseyNeighNeigh

Of course she doesn't have to give a reason, and as I said he's a dickhead. But I was just wondering whether the OP had misunderstood something about black pudding and she could be reassured at least about not having been tricked into eating something like fois gras. It would my make her feel better about her dh- but it might make her feel better about why she had actually eaten.

Congealed blood and grains is revolting enough to put many of us off

ClassicCremeAnglaise · 07/10/2023 14:30

blameless · 07/10/2023 13:35

My mother is allergic to garlic, nothing life threatening but in small amounts it gives her the runs and in large amounts she will vomit.
A close relative insists that my mum is just being precious and deliberately adds garlic to things to prove that the 'allergy thing' is all in her mind because she doesn't come out in blotches or keel over.
It's immature behaviour and anyone deliberately feeding someone ingredients that they don't want deserves to be be dealt with harshly.

Having a food allergy is not being precious.

Having a strong stand on pork meat is less of an issue than an allergy, but still valid.

Such an over-reaction about something that contains a bit of part of an animal that you enjoy eating anyway... the clue is the OP not even noticing the taste, the texture or the colour and having no ill effect from it whatsoever.

Any excuse to start a thread where people can fall over themselves to scream abuse, gaslighting, patriarchy, controlling, narcissist.

If you have to kill a pig to eat it, might as well not waste it.

gloria1980 · 07/10/2023 14:31

You couldn’t tell it was black pudding from its colour?

jannier · 07/10/2023 14:33

ClassicCremeAnglaise · 07/10/2023 13:21

autism is not a blank card to justify any behaviour.

It's awfully rude towards people with autism for a start.

Show quote history

The op is autistic and has an aversion to foods classic creame was responding to a post saying the op was being unreasonable many people with ASD have aversions and reactions that to others are extreme if they openly admit to them why is it rude?

jannier · 07/10/2023 14:34

ClassicCremeAnglaise · 07/10/2023 13:24

but the OP had no problem with sausages from the same animals, made of a mix of the same ingredients, pig fat is pig fat. I am not sure you can find "pork sausages guaranteed 100% blood free", can you?

Show quote history

Because to many it would be like drinking a cup of blood pointless and disgusting

jannier · 07/10/2023 14:37

Lolabear38 · 07/10/2023 14:16

I know this isn’t the point of the thread, but I don’t understand how you didn’t know it was black pudding? Black pudding is an entirely different colour, taste and texture to a regular sausage. It would surely have been obvious?

And to the poster who commented it’s akin to giving a vegan person meat, it’s really not! What an absurd thing to say 😂

None of the above is to say I think he should have done what he did, I don’t think I would have reacted as strongly to it though (I’m not autistic though). My DH always said he didn’t want to try Impossible meat products but a couple of months ago I made him a cottage pie using it and didn’t tell him until after, he didn’t notice. I didn’t realise I was being abusive.

What was the reasoning behind making the pie with that

jannier · 07/10/2023 14:38

ClassicCremeAnglaise · 07/10/2023 14:30

Having a food allergy is not being precious.

Having a strong stand on pork meat is less of an issue than an allergy, but still valid.

Such an over-reaction about something that contains a bit of part of an animal that you enjoy eating anyway... the clue is the OP not even noticing the taste, the texture or the colour and having no ill effect from it whatsoever.

Any excuse to start a thread where people can fall over themselves to scream abuse, gaslighting, patriarchy, controlling, narcissist.

If you have to kill a pig to eat it, might as well not waste it.

Edited
Show quote history

So you buy the whole animal and eat trotters, snout, eyes etc?

MCOut · 07/10/2023 14:43

His behaviour was shit and his smug attitude is what would have upset me the most. He is the one who needs to grow up. I can definitely understand why you’re upset.

I’m vegetarian and I don’t think this is comparable to feeding a veggie/ vegan meat or wilfully ignoring someone’s allergies or religious beliefs because already eat the animal anyway. Rather for me the issue would be that if he can do this he might trick you into eating foods that you have sensory aversions to, which might distress you.

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