Husband fed me a food he knows I have never eaten and never willingly will

[Anon39]

I came back from taking our son to training and as I walked back in my husband asked me if I wanted a sausage sandwich I immediately said yes

started eating it and he said do you know what those sausage are? And I replied in the negative and he started to chuckle and said “do you like it?” So my hackles were up I stopped eating and asked for the package of sausage

he started getting defensive and I just knew it was black pudding (which I do not eat and have never eaten and he knows how I feel I have no feelings if you do eat it and that’s not the point of my post)

I found the package and it was black pudding sausage I was so upset he knew I would never have willingly eaten black pudding. I feel so betrayed and I’ve ended up crying and he has basically told me to grow up and stop being so dramatic he can’t understand why I’m so upset

it’s not really about the food it’s about the breaking my trust I would never think to question him about what type of sausage they were because I trusted him

not to drip feed I am Autistic so I am aware I have issues around food

yes you’re being unreasonable and should have checked (after 20 years of marriage)
no - your partner deliberately betrayed your trust

but the OP had no problem with sausages from the same animals, made of a mix of the same ingredients, pig fat is pig fat. I am not sure you can find "pork sausages guaranteed 100% blood free", can you?

It's even ruder to accuse someone triggered into distress and crying as a result of autism of being over-dramatic.

Disgust is not always rational, and it is hugely powerful. We are not robots.

Exactly 🤔

true, but unless you buy exclusively from a reliable local butcher who makes his own sausages, you are aware that sausages are made with a bit of everything, and if you have any disgust, you don't investigate too closely.

Same with chicken nuggets, they are made with chicken alright, but do you want details?

Bkack pudding is very very dark and looks and tastes nothing like sausage. Surely if you have issues with food you would take a look at what you are eating.? That’s bizarre.

Are people on here really arguing about the validity of the specifics of OP's food aversions?

People are allowed to hate the thought of certain foods. It doesn't matter if you personally understand that or agree with it or not. If OP doesn't want to eat foods with a "y" in the name, or if she felt that it was disgusting to eat yellow foods on Saturdays, it would still be wrong of her husband to trick her into eating them. Maybe her reaction to the food is extreme, but his lack of care for his own wife is much more disturbing than any food aversion could ever be.

I don't think this alone is LTB-worthy, but it doesn't speak well of him, and he needs to aplogise and understand why it was such a horrible thing to do. How would he like it if she tricked him into eating insects, for instance? Many people do, but I'm willing to bet that OP's husband would find that disgusting.

Er, hello. The OP is a grown-up. She can pretty much choose what she doesn't want to eat for any reason or no reason.

I don't eat chicken or turkey. I'm neither vegetarian nor autistic. I eat game birds but I just don't like chicken and turkey.

*Are people on here really arguing about the validity of the specifics of OP's food aversions?

no, just about the over-reaction over the husband being a dick, but not an abuser.

Hence why it's not rational. I'll eat sausages, which as we all know are made with god knows what, but if someone tried to serve me offal, I'd refuse to eat it and would feel disgusted if I took a bite without realising, even if it tasted nice. No logic at all, but I don't think an uncommon viewpoint.

I am not autistic (as far as I know, but several people have suggested it) but I do have ARFID and have massive issues around food. If my “D”H did that to me he would be an ex-DH.

don't let common sense and obvious facts get away from a good thread of angry posters.

Even cut in tiny pieces, it's pretty obvious it's black pudding!

There are lots of foods that people don't eat because they don't like the idea of it. Rat flesh, human flesh, chicken heads. People eat the food they like the idea of. People eat the food they want to eat, just like they wear the clothes they want to wear. That's not being irrational.

My mother is allergic to garlic, nothing life threatening but in small amounts it gives her the runs and in large amounts she will vomit.
A close relative insists that my mum is just being precious and deliberately adds garlic to things to prove that the 'allergy thing' is all in her mind because she doesn't come out in blotches or keel over.
It's immature behaviour and anyone deliberately feeding someone ingredients that they don't want deserves to be be dealt with harshly.

My ex would have done that OP, and would have thought he was being clever.
Ex.
Hint hint.

In the Jewish tradition meat should be blood free. The blood is drained from the animal before processing for it to be kosher.

As for regular sausages, there won't be much blood left in the animal. There's a difference between eating something that may contain traces of blood and something that is made with blood.

He sounds like a knob
Has he done stuff like this before?

But it is possible he was clumsily trying to demonstrate to you that you are placing unnecessary restrictions on your eating. Alternatively, he may be tired of the situation and has run out of patience.

What “situation”? His wife not liking black pudding? I’m not sure that even qualifies as a situation.

Who has black pudding often enough to even care either way whether their partner eats it? It’s not even something you both need to enjoy, like if you were going out for a curry or a Chinese. You just put it on one breakfast and not the other!

If it was a case of “I’d love to go out for a curry, but my wife won’t even try it”, I might have some sympathy - but even then, there would be nothing to stop him going with friends or ordering a takeaway for himself. But he’s deliberately tricked someone he’s supposed to love into eating something she doesn’t want to eat - and for what? To “make a point”.

I have a bit of a blind spot when it comes to black pudding too - I can't stomach the thought of even trying it which is bit hypocritical as I love a nice bloody medium-rare steak. dh loves it and encourages me to try it but I decline.

He hasn't, but if he did sneak some in somewhere I wouldn't think it was a malicious act and start throwing about big words like betrayal, broken trust and certainly wouldn't cry about it. It would be a non-event really. But that is us. Two NT people in a solid respectful relationship.

But everyone's reactions are different. Your autism means you have a different perspective on some things and after 20 years of marriage he should know you better. Only you know if this is a pattern of being intentionally malicious, cruel even or if it was a one off misjudged incident and he reacted badly to your crying in the moment because he knows he was wrong.

If it was a one off you tell him how it made you feel and he should listen. If it is a pattern, and he knew it would upset you so much, then you shouldn't stay and put up with it.

So you’re a fussy eater and he does all the cooking?

I think your husband was wrong to trick you that way BUT, is he worried that you’re passing on your disordered eating habits to your children? Have you become more restricted in what you’ll eat?

My DH is the fussy eater and he’s very restrictive and extremely skinny. I refuse to cook for him at all and focus on cooking for myself and the children and we eat at different times of the day. Simply put, I don’t want him to pass on his disordered eating habits to the kids.

Sometimes people will try to cure phobias with shock tactics and maybe that’s what your husband is trying to do? Personally, I don’t think it’s very successful and he might be being vile to you in other ways or he might be desperate to find a cure for your ED. We don’t know. 🤷🏻‍♀️

No, that was a mean trick. I would be very annoyed too OP.

I can fully understand not wanting to always be the one who is expected to put up with irrational restrictions and never respond on the grounds of someone’s autism diagnosis.

The OP and her husband have been married for 20 years. Why has it suddenly become a problem for him to put up with it now?

And even if he has just got tired of accommodating OP's neurodivergence, playing a distressing trick on her and then compounding it when she became upset is a properly cuntish thing to do.

After all, it's not like he bought black pudding sausages unwittingly.

I absolutely hate milk or cream that is even slightly "on the turn". So slightly most people wouldn't notice. I know I am a bit precious about this. When my dp makes me a cup of tea he checks the milk and if he is any doubt he doesn't use it for me. Because he is a nice guy and not a dickhead.

Just because it's sold in UK shops doesn't mean the majority of people would want it on their plate. I am sure there are shops that sell Rocky Mountain oysters, it doesn't mean the majority want to eat them.

I love when MNers put "conditions" on their rules. "She liked it" doesn't mean what he did is right. He didn't think it was a joke. It was done to play one-upmanship with her.

She might move on, but the trust with her husband has been broken and will take time to repair. Thinking anything less is "just stupid", to borrow your terminology.

Clonakilty Black Pudding sausages look like regular sausages when you cook them, so you wouldn’t know you were eating black pudding until you tasted them. They’re yummy, btw.