Husband fed me a food he knows I have never eaten and never willingly will

[Anon39]

I came back from taking our son to training and as I walked back in my husband asked me if I wanted a sausage sandwich I immediately said yes

started eating it and he said do you know what those sausage are? And I replied in the negative and he started to chuckle and said “do you like it?” So my hackles were up I stopped eating and asked for the package of sausage

he started getting defensive and I just knew it was black pudding (which I do not eat and have never eaten and he knows how I feel I have no feelings if you do eat it and that’s not the point of my post)

I found the package and it was black pudding sausage I was so upset he knew I would never have willingly eaten black pudding. I feel so betrayed and I’ve ended up crying and he has basically told me to grow up and stop being so dramatic he can’t understand why I’m so upset

it’s not really about the food it’s about the breaking my trust I would never think to question him about what type of sausage they were because I trusted him

not to drip feed I am Autistic so I am aware I have issues around food

yes you’re being unreasonable and should have checked (after 20 years of marriage)
no - your partner deliberately betrayed your trust

Until he wins my trust back again, I would either not eat anything he makes for a long while or insist on seeing all packaging, wrappers, etc. before you eat anything else he makes.

He's trying to diminish what he did because he realizes what an azzhole it has made him. Is it worthy of divorce? How does he treat you usually? It would take me a longlonglonglong time to forgive my DH if he ever did that to me and he would have to work hard to get my trust back. A lot would depend on how he has been the majority of the time.

I've got those sausages for dinner tonight

Cos he thinks she's overreacting.

I would be apoplectic with rage. To trick you into eating something you choose not to eat and to find it funny that he succeeded. Its truly appalling behaviour.

Which, would make him a gaslighting, arrogant insensitive dick.

And I was pointing out that she was crying because she is autistic. The likelihood is that she was simply overwhelmed by what had happened and unable to cope with it. This isn't comparable to a child crying because they've had to do something they don't want to do.

This man has been living with OP for 20 years. He knows she is autistic and will be distressed and struggle to cope with this sort of thing. As I say, telling her to grow up in those circumstances is not anything remotely resembling an acceptable response. It's comparable to, say, telling someone to grow up when they're crying because they've just had a serious injury, or lost their job etc.

Omg 😫

I think the context matters somewhat. If you are a meat eater, and happy to eat any meat product, don't even notice you are eating something you put your mind against.. then there's a bit of an over-reaction.

It's not even like being fed lamb when you have made a stand against eating baby animals.

It was a childish move, it's ok to tell him he's being a dick, he was, but the need for so much drama?

Sorry but now something mentioned in an opening post can be considered a "drip feed"?

That's irrelevant. It's not a matter of OP eating something she dislikes. It's her eating something she 100% hates the thought of eating. It's more comparable to someone giving you a shit sandwich and not telling you till you'd eaten some of it.

After 20 years the respect and trust should have been unconscious muscle memory. Thats a really mean thing for him to have done. It's like sneaking meat into vegetarian or vegan food and having a giggle asking if it tasted nice.

This. I work with an autistic colleague and dealing with the irrational fears, dislikes and attempts to control every situation is draining and incredibly disruptive. Sometimes I’ve ended up being really blunt with him, but fortunately we are good enough friends that he hasn’t taken it to heart.

I can fully understand not wanting to always be the one who is expected to put up with irrational restrictions and never respond on the grounds of someone’s autism diagnosis. If it’s affecting my mental health, then our mutual needs need to be balanced if we are both to survive the experience with our mental health intact.

OP, have you asked him why he did it?

It sounds like he wasn’t at all nice in the way he went about it, but he did prove that your “dislike” of black pudding wasn’t genuine dislike, but something less rational. Perhaps that’s part of the reason you were so upset, not just because he was rather cruel in the way he went about it, but that he showed you up.

But it is possible he was clumsily trying to demonstrate to you that you are placing unnecessary restrictions on your eating. Alternatively, he may be tired of the situation and has run out of patience.

It might actually be worth trying to find out what his motivation was as that is where the answer lies as to what this means for your relationship.

Telling her not to be dramatic and to grow up when she gets upset doesn't sound a whole lot like someone who is mortified.

Shit is not food and obviously presents a health hazard. It’s not remotely the same.

Sorry what now? No deflecting whatsoever and I am not even sure what question you think I was supposed to be answering.

But you'd notice a shit sandwich right away! OP didn't even dislike it. She didn't notice anything was unpleasant about it till she was told

I can imagine this as a courtroom drama 😄

Prosecution Lawyer: @Passepartoute

😋

It is a huge trust betrayal if you've always made it clear you dont want to eat a particular food and he's 'tricked' you into doing so.

No, it's your lack of comprehension of the nature of autism which is coming through loud and strong. Your comment replied to one which said that the majority of people might well cry at a situation that hurt them they way this hurts the OP, and you said they might not cry. That's completely irrelevant to OP's situation; because of the nature and effects of her autism, this sort of thing, coming out of the blue, does make her cry, and it is the reaction of an idiot to tell her to grow up in response.

For the same reason that, though I eat meat, I have no desire to eat animal brains, eyes, stomach, testicles along with a no to horse or zebra, dog or coyote, rhino or elephant, porpoise or whale. All meat is not alike and every part of an animal is not palatable.

People are actually allowed to have preferences. Oh my!

This.

So you were quite happily eating it until you found out what it was? I think your husband is maybe trying to make the point that you are being needlessly fussy and maybe should try different foods.
You haven't said why you would not eat it ( clearly not an allergy) yet would eat ordinary sausages. Ordinary sausages are actually pretty disgusting with all the waste bits of the animal that you'd never normally eat, yet do when it's ground up.
No your husband should not have done it ,but you are massively overreacting.
Does your fussiness over food impact on your relationship, does it hinder social events ,going out for meals or just getting a takeaway. It may be that he feels resentful of these restrictions ,you need to discuss this.

If he knows anything about his wife he knows exactly why she is reacting like this, and I would bloody well hope he does know after 20 years. Telling someone who is really distressed because of your actions that they are being babyish is not saying "I told you would like black pudding if you tried it".

The drama on this thread 🤣

Is that the only criterion for starting a thread on MN, then?