Teacher said My child….

[Millymollymaisy]

So background of this is my son is sen and because of this he has access to a fidget spinner and a time out card to manage his day.

He became upset before bed last night and told me a teaching assistant had come up to him at school saying why did he have it and that he wasn’t allowed to use it. My son despite being under 8 is really good at expressing what he needs and informed her why he was using it ( he was feeling sad and frustrated and this calmed him)

This provision was agreed by the senco in writing and put into place last year. When I heard this I emailed in to remind them about the agreement and that any staff should know about his needs even at the minimum level

the teacher responded via email praising how fantastic the teaching assistant was ( I never questioned her abilities just relayed what was said to me ) and then proceeded to tell me he was told to put it away as ‘ he was using it to hit other children ‘

now and no I don’t think my child has sunshine radiating from him but I know him and he’s never ever done this to any child ever either inside or outside of school and I challenged this .

long story short I asked senco to step in and get to the bottom of it. Two children were spoken too about it and one confirmed my son hadn’t touched him and the other child said he had no clue what they were talking about. They then emailed me to say that my son ‘ was jabbing forward’ at some peers ( the same that confirmed the above)

i asked them if this actually took place that my son was taking a object and hitting children with it whether he’s sen or not it wouldn’t be okay and as a parent should I have not been called to be told so I could help facilitate it not happening again? I received no response to that

second of all the teacher put in writing alongside a lecture on the safe usage of a fidget tool that the reason he was told to put his managing aid away was ‘ because he was using it to hit other children ‘ I’m sorry but jabbing forward and hitting are very very different ( jabbing is still not okay but no physical contact was made )

when I asked my son this he obviously was upset and denied hitting anyone and he was telling the truth.

I really feel the teacher over stepped her mark in informing me of something that is serious but wasn’t actually true

was I unreasonable in the fact I emailed back the senco and copied the same teacher in quoting both of their feedbacks where it clearly shows my son never hit anyone and as a teacher they should be careful and clear when making allegations about any child including mine ?

I don’t think you did anything wrong at all! And I would be raging - but sadly, if the teacher lied so easily.....what integrity is there?

No children were hit there was NO receiving end

@Millymollymaisy gosh that’s so bad she said that!!
Really positive that your DS can advocate for himself so well. Good for him knowing and saying to staff what he needs. It’s sadly when staff to give crazy replies like that one, that children start losing trust in staff and feeling down about going to school.

I hope you get the EHCP - they’ll find it much harder to veer off track with support then….as long as it’s well written and not woolly, like so many are.
Once you start on that EHCP journey I highly recommend posting on the SEN Children boards. We would never have got our EHCP if it hadn’t have been for so many amazing parents on here. 🤗

Your DC should obviously be reminded how to use his fidget spinners for what it's required for.

In no circumstances should a teacher be sending emails accusing children of hitting when this has not happened. The teacher should have found out the correct story first.
YANBU to be annoyed and expecting an apology.

If the child, the senco and the op find that the fidget spinner is useful then the fact you think it’s gimmicky (and has edges?!) is irrelevant.

Im sure it’s occurred the the op and the senco that there might be strategies that work at home which will work at school, that is an extremely basic question.

Yes, threatening to hit (which is what he was doing by jabbing it at people) and actually hitting are two different things. However neither are acceptable. If your child can't use the fidget toy appropriately and is using it as a weapon, then he should be made to put it away.

if I were you, I would spend my time and effort away from forums and support my child with his needs the best I can.
Your anger is counter productive. You have been given lots of useful replies by professionals in this field (Senco and teachers) time to call it a day.
Sen or not, navigating through school and raising a child is not an easy task, it is going to be a long road ahead and may very pretty bumpy. You need to chill out a bit.

Annoying can mean other children's perception of the child absorbed in regulating using their resource. Other children don't tend to perform an on the spot risk assessment and when annoyed can lash out. Punching, grabbing, kicking. Happens a lot. The adults need to deal with these situations without telling the other child's parent "Little John was going to punch your kid as the fidget spinner was jabbing in his face so we had to intervene".

One of my DS’s classmates was wheeling her wheelchair over people’s toes and towards people as if she was going to wheel over them…..do you think the school took her wheelchair away? 🤔

I swear some parents think that teachers have access to VAR. Actually, my life would immeasurably easier if I could refer all decisions to VAR, and just get on with, I don't know, teaching?!

The TA reported what she thought she saw. She may have been some millimetres incorrect (she thought she saw hitting, but what she actually saw was "jabbing forwards" but NOT making contact). Definitely you should push forwards with making this woman's life as difficult as possible.

The receiving end of having a toy jabbed in your direction. How would you feel if someone in your place of work started jabbing a stapler towards you, with you not knowing if they were actually going to hit you with it or were just jabbing it in your direction for fun. I can guess that it would be quite frightening for a young child having another child jabbing a toy at them now knowing if they were going to be hit or not.

The teacher probably got the wrong end of the stick about hitting, told you, you kicked off with the emails and drama and she then clarified what actually happened with the TA who said it was jabbing. Ask yourself will this actually matter in a few days no it won’t so stop wasting your energy giving it any more thought.

You are just being ridiculous with that example.

Yes Teachers lie and yes the can and do manipulate situations for their own benefit. We are having a very similar situation with our Grandson, he is SEN too. Both the Teacher and TA have very different memories of "incidents" and in fact seem to imagine things happening in the dining hall that no other member of staff ( Head included) recall happening.
As a SEN TA i have watched a teacher wind a child up until he reacted just as the Head of a specialist school walked in to assess the child, She was desperate to get rid of the child because she couldn't cope with him. I have had to watch her lie about and ignore a certain child because she simply didn't like the child's Mother. Not all Teachers are wonderful and not all tell the truth.

Why ridiculous?

Yes it’s obviously on a larger scale and she did actually physically hurt someone (my ds) but I’m simply pointing out that aids to support children with SEND are there for a reason ….whether to physically support (as in the wheelchair) or support sensory difficulty (fidget spinners/elastic chair band/blutak etc).

Come on, you don't need it explained to you why your example is ridiculous.

Agree, and also think the teacher, TA and SENDCO probably have better things they could be spending their time on than all this excessive back and forth over a non incident.

This.

Teachers and TAs have many, many interactions like this to manage and sometimes they get the wrong end of the stick or there are misunderstandings. They are human beings who like working with children not horrible people who hate SEN kids and want to malign them!

Really concerned about the number of people on Mumsnet who seem to think staff in education habitually lie. No wonder teachers are leaving in droves.

Reading this makes me feel so sorry for teachers. Thankless job.

I think your first post was pretty clear so not sure why there are so many people unable to understand that the teacher agrees your child wasn’t hitting anyone. This forum continues to baffle me on a daily basis.

Anyway, I think it’s fine to email but I wouldn’t expect an apology. In my experience, people in certain professions are not very keen to admit fault. No reflection on them, I’m very respectful of these professions, but it would be seen as an admission of wrong doing and could obviously open them up to further action down the line so they prefer to gloss over and move on.

Your issue is that the teacher when relaying the incident, which they themselves didn't witness, used the word hitting rather than jabbing ....... YABU

I feel like you are getting tied up in semantics ..

I am the parent of a child with SEN’s .. what I would say is be goal focused … What is it you actually want/ need for your child . I can certainly name incidents where the school didn’t do what I thought they should but I did get what I thought my Ds needed.

I get you think you should get an apology but you need to work together with your Ds.. not we won’t communicate because it will cause more problems..

Im not seeking an apology. I made a point of bringing them both into the email and copying their quotes which clearly show the teacher was wrong when she emailed me that my child had hit others . He hasn’t .

I am a goal focused parent , I advocate strongly for my child. We are about to start a EHCP process and the senco is supportive . However the teacher was wrong

Agree 100%

Sorry to hear about your situation with your Grandson. How awful you have had yo Witness that behaviour