Teacher said My child….

[Millymollymaisy]

So background of this is my son is sen and because of this he has access to a fidget spinner and a time out card to manage his day.

He became upset before bed last night and told me a teaching assistant had come up to him at school saying why did he have it and that he wasn’t allowed to use it. My son despite being under 8 is really good at expressing what he needs and informed her why he was using it ( he was feeling sad and frustrated and this calmed him)

This provision was agreed by the senco in writing and put into place last year. When I heard this I emailed in to remind them about the agreement and that any staff should know about his needs even at the minimum level

the teacher responded via email praising how fantastic the teaching assistant was ( I never questioned her abilities just relayed what was said to me ) and then proceeded to tell me he was told to put it away as ‘ he was using it to hit other children ‘

now and no I don’t think my child has sunshine radiating from him but I know him and he’s never ever done this to any child ever either inside or outside of school and I challenged this .

long story short I asked senco to step in and get to the bottom of it. Two children were spoken too about it and one confirmed my son hadn’t touched him and the other child said he had no clue what they were talking about. They then emailed me to say that my son ‘ was jabbing forward’ at some peers ( the same that confirmed the above)

i asked them if this actually took place that my son was taking a object and hitting children with it whether he’s sen or not it wouldn’t be okay and as a parent should I have not been called to be told so I could help facilitate it not happening again? I received no response to that

second of all the teacher put in writing alongside a lecture on the safe usage of a fidget tool that the reason he was told to put his managing aid away was ‘ because he was using it to hit other children ‘ I’m sorry but jabbing forward and hitting are very very different ( jabbing is still not okay but no physical contact was made )

when I asked my son this he obviously was upset and denied hitting anyone and he was telling the truth.

I really feel the teacher over stepped her mark in informing me of something that is serious but wasn’t actually true

was I unreasonable in the fact I emailed back the senco and copied the same teacher in quoting both of their feedbacks where it clearly shows my son never hit anyone and as a teacher they should be careful and clear when making allegations about any child including mine ?

“can a police officer write up a inaccurate false report because he’s worked for poor pay and is over stretched ?”

I am sure that happens too…but the fact that you compare this to your child’s issue shows how ridiculous you are being.

Millymollymaisy
Unfortunately it's a thread about SEN so you're going to get a lot of people missing the central point because they'd rather focus on the rights and wrongs of fidget spinner use.

You seem totally reasonable in wanting an accurate version of events recorded.

Here you say you emailed to ask why it was taken away.

In your op you said you emailed to remind them he should be allowed it. "This provision was agreed by the senco in writing and put into place last year. When I heard this I emailed in to remind them about the agreement and that any staff should know about his needs even at the minimum level"

Quite different

Both could be true of course.

But it's easy to pick inaccurate words when writing. As you have demonstrated.

The teacher reached for the wrong word while remembering what she'd been told.. Hitting out at, jabbing, hitting... it's all a risky behaviour.

You are splitting hairs and I'm worried you're stressing yourself out unnecessarily.

They were wrong to pick the wrong word but it's been corrected now. Save your energy for the bigger battles

I'm sorry this happened

You see, I made a mistake - I mis read the original OP.
But you’re correct, the person who made the mistake should apologise to the child.

‘Symptom’ is also a synonym of ‘sign’. No doubt when you first suspected your child had autism you saw signs that concerned you - common ones include lack of communication, repetitive behaviours, sensory issues, stimming etc.

can a police officer write up a inaccurate false report because he’s worked for poor pay and is over stretched ?

The fact that you are comparing what happened with your DS to an inaccurate police report says it all.

We're talking about a quick email typed out by a busy teacher, who has more important things to do than deal with a parent hassling them about a bloody fidget spinner. She made a mistake, it's really not the end of the world. It's not going on any kind of "record", it's not like it's going to affect his uni applications fgs.

None of this would have even happened if you hadn't wasted their time emailing about such a trivial thing in the first place.

You are causing a huge drama over the semantics of a word!

You are everything that is wrong about some of the parents in schools at the moment. Rather than showing your child that you support the school and the teacher, your child is learning that you will defend them to the hilt even though they have done something wrong. This kind of reaction is causing some very poor behaviour in schools. Just accept that your child made an error and move on from it.

Believe it or not OP, teachers love your children and just want the best for them. Teachers are on your side.
If I were you, (since i can see that you are very upset by this) I'd go to see the teacher in person and just calmly say how you feel and have a conversation. Emails are tricky to navigate and take up far too much time.
I hope you get the resolution that will make you happy.

This. Speaking in person is always the way forward.

Seriously listen to yourself OP. This was a simple miscommunication, the TA probably said he was trying to hit people with it and it was misheard. It happens. The teacher didn’t maliciously start a campaign of lies about your child. Be thankful you’re in a school where your son’s needs are met and move on!

This. Doesnt matter if he was jabbing towards a child or actually hitting a child. The fidget spinner would be removed.
You should stop fixating on every little detail. If you ask 5 kids about an event, you will get 10 different answers. My son is often blamed for stuff. The other day a kid did something and my son wasnt even in the same room. The kid denied it and blamed my son. 3 teachers saw it happen with their own eyes, but the mother of the other boy produced these kid witnesses who all claimed they saw my son do it. It was a huge thing in the school. Im just glad several teachers actually witnessed it. But the mother of the other boy is still running around telling everyone it was my son, because apparently 3 other kids saw it 🤷🏻‍♀️
The teachers have no reason to lie. Kids lie all the time, even without a reason!

You're reeeeaaallllly holding onto the 'no physical contact was made' schtick.

I don't think it matters. Jabbing forwards sounds aggressive and is obviously inappropriate. The teacher was relaying what they were told. Your child was in the wrong. Accept it.

You keep saying in the real world that there are consequences to inaccurate reporting. Throwing around the same hyperbolic statements, people also get convicted for 'attempted' murder/gbh etc, as well as actual.

Other posters have said it already but once more for people joining the thread:

The OP doesn't object to the spinner being removed.

Saying a child hit another child when they didn't is lying and problematic.

The OP is only wanting the incident to be recorded factually.

It's starting to seem like one of those threads where if the OP hadn't mentioned any SEN, the replies would almost unanimously be saying that the staff should record the incident accurately, but because there's reference to SEN suddenly the child must be totally awful and the parent should shut up

*Other posters have said it already but once more for people joining the thread

The OP doesn't object to the spinner being removed.

Saying a child hit another child when they didn't is lying and problematic.

The OP is only wanting the incident to be recorded factually.

It's starting to seem like one of those threads where if the OP hadn't mentioned any SEN, the replies would almost unanimously be saying that the staff should record the incident accurately, but because there's reference to SEN suddenly the child must be totally awful and the parent should shut up*

Posters are aware that the OP doesn't object to the toy being removed.

What they are commenting on is the overreaction to the whole thing. The teacher worded the email wrong, teachers are only human like the rest of us. It's really not the big deal some people seem to think it is. Now if it was an actual police report that an officer had worded wrong then I could see OP's point......but it is just an email quickly typed out by a busy teacher.

And emailing the SENDCO over the toy being removed was an overreaction. It wasn't necessary and it's what started all this nonsense in the first place.

But it isn't an overreaction at all.
One is a situation where a child as hit another child.
The other is a situation where a child did not hit another child.

It's really not unreasonable for a parent to want to know what happened and to have the event accurately recorded.

Recording an incident accurately is behaviour basics in teaching, or it is everywhere I've worked.

I would be upset too, OP. Along with everything else that has been said this incident will be recorded somewhere because of the emails, and the next school will believe he has hit another child. I would want that expunged from any record, and I would want a clear email from the HT saying that they had not touched another child, regardless of any jabbing or rocking.
Then maybe the situation would be calmer and the staff and OP could decide on a better fidget aid that would suit.

The incident was only reported because OP wanted to know why the fidget spinner was removed. There was no ‘report’ made of the hitting or not-hitting. It was just a reason as to why it was removed.

There is no "record" on your child's file of this incident because it is a very small thing that you're blowing out of proportion by fixating on the email that the teacher sent in response to your query. Numerous posters have made the point that the teacher made an error in the choice of words or misheard /misunderstood what the TA said. You need to work WITH the school to get the right support for your child. All this confrontation is a waste of everyone's energy and time and isn't going to help your child who has no doubt forgotten about having the fidget spinner taken off him that day. What are you actually wanted to achieve?

They did not think he was behaving properly with the spinner so did something about it. I think you have an extremely thin argument that no physical contact was made. They probably stepped in before one of the children got prodded by this thing.

Please do not make the teaching staffs work any more difficult than it needs to be. They are looking after your little ones additional needs whilst trying to teach the class and making their best judgements at the time.

There might be anxious children in the class and your child getting up at them with this spinner is not acceptable. Contact or no contact.

Are they? That's news to me and certainly doesn't happen in the school I work in. That's sm.awful lot of admin work for someone

Of course it's been corrected. The later email correcting to jabbing corrects and supercedes the earlier email.