Teacher said My child….

[Millymollymaisy]

So background of this is my son is sen and because of this he has access to a fidget spinner and a time out card to manage his day.

He became upset before bed last night and told me a teaching assistant had come up to him at school saying why did he have it and that he wasn’t allowed to use it. My son despite being under 8 is really good at expressing what he needs and informed her why he was using it ( he was feeling sad and frustrated and this calmed him)

This provision was agreed by the senco in writing and put into place last year. When I heard this I emailed in to remind them about the agreement and that any staff should know about his needs even at the minimum level

the teacher responded via email praising how fantastic the teaching assistant was ( I never questioned her abilities just relayed what was said to me ) and then proceeded to tell me he was told to put it away as ‘ he was using it to hit other children ‘

now and no I don’t think my child has sunshine radiating from him but I know him and he’s never ever done this to any child ever either inside or outside of school and I challenged this .

long story short I asked senco to step in and get to the bottom of it. Two children were spoken too about it and one confirmed my son hadn’t touched him and the other child said he had no clue what they were talking about. They then emailed me to say that my son ‘ was jabbing forward’ at some peers ( the same that confirmed the above)

i asked them if this actually took place that my son was taking a object and hitting children with it whether he’s sen or not it wouldn’t be okay and as a parent should I have not been called to be told so I could help facilitate it not happening again? I received no response to that

second of all the teacher put in writing alongside a lecture on the safe usage of a fidget tool that the reason he was told to put his managing aid away was ‘ because he was using it to hit other children ‘ I’m sorry but jabbing forward and hitting are very very different ( jabbing is still not okay but no physical contact was made )

when I asked my son this he obviously was upset and denied hitting anyone and he was telling the truth.

I really feel the teacher over stepped her mark in informing me of something that is serious but wasn’t actually true

was I unreasonable in the fact I emailed back the senco and copied the same teacher in quoting both of their feedbacks where it clearly shows my son never hit anyone and as a teacher they should be careful and clear when making allegations about any child including mine ?

Jesus Christ…no wonder no one wants to teach these days!

And not emailed either, if a child has hit another child we were phoned or called in at the end of school. Email wouldn't be appropriate really would it?

Good to know. Maybe I’m old school I would expect if a pupil was randomly hitting multiple children then that would be serious enough to contact a parent so they could be aware of it or help facilitate it not happening again.

if my child was hit by another in school I would also expect to know about it

I am both a teacher and a SENCo. If a child is using an aid inappropriately, they have the aid removed. An aid should never be used against another person. We use a wide range of aids, depending on the preference of the child with SEN. Actually, many of our children love a piece of Blu Tac as it’s far more versatile than a fixed item like a fidget spinner. They’re forever pinching it off displays!
https://www.statnews.com/2017/05/19/fidget-spinners-adhd-autism/#:~:text=The%20popular%20toys%20known,%2C%20just%20isn%27t%20there.

Schools have a policy about "play" fighting which this falls under the category of. The issue is that if it's done in play it could still cause an accident. As a TA, I can only respond to the behaviour I see. If I see any child in the playground looking like they may hurt someone I'm taking action to stop it.

My child is on a waiting list for assessment but is being treated as sen by his school. I can picture him hyper focused on a toy, jabbing it backwards and forwards, without even being aware of anyone around him. He makes a "ch ch ch" noise when he does stuff like this. It's very sensory, not violent at all.

Yes, it's annoying. I'd have no problem with a TA telling him to be careful or to stop in case he hurts someone, I've done this myself at home. ("Stop or you'll break the telly!" Etc..) However I'd be upset if a teacher thought my child was being violent when he wasn't so I 100% understand the urge to try and clarify this with the school.

One of DC's teachers gave every child a little wodge of blu-tac at the end of term as so much of it got fidgeted in school 😊

In this instance I'd be inclined to just let the teacher do their job.

sen or no sen, stop waving a fidget spinner in peoples faces, then he’ll be able to have it.

sen doesn’t mean excused from all bad behaviours and can wind up other kids with a fidget spinner.

and also adjust your expectations of communication from the school - they’re actually trying to teach.

You weren't there so can't possibly know. Be thankful it was only the fidget removed and not your child. Parents find it very hard to conceive of what DC can be like at school. In truth DC could be "jabbing/hitting" or whatever behaviour can cause others to be hurt or just plain low level annoying on a daily basis.

Your child probably needs a proper assessment of his sensory needs to find a strategy that will be successful due to targeting the correct need or input for his sensory seeking behaviour.

I hope your child gets their assessment soon. I have no issue with the fact it was taken away I do have great issue with a teacher emailing a parent factually stating multiple children have been hit when no physical contact was made .

Is this TA your son's one-to-one? Or does she have other kids to look after as well? I'm assuming it's the latter, in which case she's probably managing approximately 7-10 medium risk situations at any one time, making snap decisions under immense pressure, every minute of every day.

Your son was emotional and agitated, he was jabbing a hard bit of plastic at other kids, and the TA made the decision that it would be better all round if he didn't have that bit of plastic in his hand any more.

The vast majority of teaching is fire-fighting, managing risk, trying to head off situations before they've happened. As soon as she dealt with this, she'd have been onto the next one. At most, you could be discussing whether there's a more suitable figet toy your son could use freely.

(I'm not unsympathetic towards your son. But theres no point trying to look for something to pin on the TA. It's impossible for humans to make 100% accurate decisions at breakneck speed all day long. Finding a way forward is the only important thing here)

Part of the job is communicating with parents . She has a duty to make sure what she’s communicating home is accurate .

You were totally being reasonable. Your son is very fortunate to have a parent who stands up for him. If he were a little bully that would be different but it has been established that he did not hit anyone, the other kids said they weren’t hit. Your son is owed an apology from both the teacher and teaching assistant in front of the class. That’s what I think. It is not right for a teacher to lie or exaggerate about a student. I think it’s a firing offense. The fact they are doubling down after even having to admit and changing the wording, means they need to be brought up smartly on this. I usually stand with teachers but clearly this is outrageous.

I have no issues with the TA removing it. She’s the TA for the whole class . My issue is with the teacher emailing me stating this was done because my child had hit other children. This was not true .

I used to teach. I don’t think I’ve ever taught a child who had a fidget spinner who didn’t at some point use it for other purposes e.g. poking/hitting a child. Just accept it & move on.

It would be totally appropriate because it would then provide an email chain of evidence should it needed at some point.

Any conversation had with staff at my DC’s schools was always followed up by an email from me so it was all on record.

@Millymollymaisy

I think you did the right thing. To receive an email saying your child was ‘hitting’ would be concerning to any parent and you’d want clarification. It doesn’t sound like your child was hitting, so the teacher needs to address the assumptions that were made about the situation and how this unfairly impacts your child.

I’ve worked with a couple of children this week who use fidget toys. I think there is a fine balance between them being an aid - and a distraction which means they are not focussing in their task. I did remove a sticky blue tack type aid which had been spread all over the desk and was sticking to a book. I found the child was actually concentrating better without it. I don’t think the child was particularly pleased that I took it away, and may well have complained to a parent. But I felt I had to make a judgement call. They didn’t want to do the work, but actually did complete the work well once I’d put it to the side.

It’s really important to me that my child is advocated for and he is so good at expressing his needs . There won’t be any apology of this I’m sure but I made a point to email both the senco and the teacher clearly showing that what the teacher originally stated simply isn’t true - he did NOT hit any child. She said he had and I think any allegation of violence is very serious. This is a reason I like to keep communication on email mainly so it cannot be a case if he said she said .

Jabbing and hitting with an object are not that different and they’re both used for the same purpose.

The facts are that he was using the fidget toy in the wrong way and someone could have ended up getting hurt.

If he had jabbed his peer and his peer retaliated I can imagine you would be upset.

Your son was doing wrong and got a consequence, which is fine.
Sitting and jabbing with a fidget spinner is absolutely not ok.

If you were unhappy with how it was dealt with then you need to say what you’d like to be done in the future.

E.g. Instead of taking the fidget spinner he could be moved away and sit on his own.
Or have the fidget spinner removed for a set amount of time and then gets it back unless he does it again.

Get a grip, kids tell lies. Especially if they are under pressure from an overbearing parent or another child who doesn't want to be in trouble. A kid using any item to jab, poke, flap around at people is unacceptable. If it makes contact it's hitting.... Its likely happening all day every day.

Why do you think the SENCo would be lying?
Id say if they are lying it’s because they were embarrassed they told your son he couldn’t have the fidget spinner and he gave them an answer back that means they don’t have a leg to stand on. I was looking at getting my son diagnosed for something once and it chilled me the difference between two health officials. Had one been listened to my son would have had a different life- him coming out for walks with his parents age 15 said that he was a loner, he made a joke and she asked does he try own the room often etc etc. other official said well adjusted, lovely, funny lad who’s great with his family and has no problem with friends. Just because someone gets a job doesn’t mean they’re the right person for it

Thanks . Luckily there are a lot of different aids on the marker and I’m happy to try something else . I understand why they took it away in the moment but it’s not professional for a teacher to put into writing the next day that this was because my son was hitting children with it. No physical contact was made .

I get this impression too.

And instead of admitting they got it wrong they are just doubling down.

I've seen this kind of thing before, as I'm sure have many parents with kids with additional needs.

If you overreact to every little thing that happens in school you will lose goodwill that you might need later on. I can tell you are overreacting because you are describing a child hitting a peer with his fidget toy as a safeguarding incident. If your child was repeatedly hurting others then yes. If he had deliberately injured another then yes. Here the ta felt he was using his toy inappropriately so it was removed or put away. Get over it.