Colleague taking too much time off for baby illness?

[NameChanged45678]

My close colleague (shared workload), has been back from maternity a few months (working full time), but this is the 4th time she’s taken time off because her DD has a bug and can’t go to nursery. Employer is generous and so it’s paid time off, her DH is self employed so ‘can’t take any time off as he won’t get paid’. But it’s a flexible trade so he could work the weekend etc to make up any time/lost earnings, they just want to keep the weekends free.

I have 2 young kids, so understand it’s difficult, but when mine were at nursery DH and I would share the absences, emergency pickups etc, and juggle work to cover each other? I’d also work over the weekend to make up time if had time off during the week. My colleague doesn’t do that.

AIBU to think her DH should be covering some of these sicknesses, at the moment it’s having a real impact on my workload as I’m having to cover!

Working on the weekends to make up time off you’ve had off is a choice that you make because you’ve decided you would rather do that then speak to your manager etc about their unrealistic deadlines.

Why should your colleague or her husband work weekends just so you think it’s more ‘fair’.

it is completely normal to say ‘sorry xyz isn’t going to get done this week because I’ve been off sick and don’t have time to get it done’

tbh I think you just sound like a total jobsworth.

Unless what you are doing is literally life saving like you are brain surgeon, your job just isn’t that important to be working extra on the weekends.

Literally no one will die.

You need to have a conversation with your manager about expectations and what you can and cannot achieve if she is off.

I would just be happy for your colleagues that she is able to take time off with her sick child in one of the toughest and most challenging times in her life and not have to worry about it affecting her pay.

Stop paying her to have time off and you solve your problem.

Im in a fairly low paid job and we are clearly told that due to staffing issues, we are expected to share day off for childcare with the other parent. We get paid for having time off sick ourselves, but not for our children.

All you have to do is do your hours and stop working weekends...

The work does not get done if there is not enough staff to do it. End of story.

At the moment your employer has no incentive to address the problem if you just work for free on your days off...

Ita not your business because you just need to continue to do your 50%

Specifically, you show your manager your proposed tasks for the day, explain that as your colleague is off you have reassessed your joint task list and with the time you have you can do the first 10 things on the lists the rest wont be done. Ask if he or she agree with your list, whether they want you to make adjustments.

In short, you dont facilitate absence by doing extra hours yourself to plug the gap.

@WimbyAce if your only gripe is her "share" of the office i think that's a it meh. The work is being done, if its not you need to take it up with management. There is technology to allow you to send phone calls to her at home, i am sure certain support for Junior teams can be done online too, you need to spread the workload.

You make yourself sound like a bit of a martyr to be honest.

OP one of your comments... " every time baby has a temp"
It would be nursery excluding the baby, usually not the mother.
My neice has returned from maternity 4 months ago and my great neice has been unwell for the majority of the time she has started there. Mainly repeated croup! Nursery are very strict, so she is stuck. Rattled with guilt re work and her baby!

You've now drip fed you're her boss, so with the extra pay and extra responsibilities you have more than her, you can prioritise the work.

My husband is self employed, so doesn't get paid annual/bereavement/sick leave. I do, so when my children were younger, we didn't equally share our absences with work, because my employer paid/allowed parental leave.

It's got nothing to do with you & everything to do with her rightful work entitlements and benefits.

If you can't manage the job in her absence ( although you do the same, but get paid more) speak to your boss.

You don't come across as empathic or kind, knowing yourself how all babies suffer countless bugs and viruses when starting nursery.

But how do you know that? If he's eg a plumber he can't just go to a client's house at the weekend as they may be away or out.

I know tradesmen are often (usually?) unreliable and don't think twice about coming on a different day to the one they agreed with their client, but they don't usually work on a weekend to cover childcare.

I agree with previous posters - how the childcare is allocated is not the OP's concern; how the work in the office is allocated is.

Ah, if you are her line manager and she isn't pulling her weight with the workload not because of being ill herself but taking a lot of separate days off for a sick child you can mention it to your line manager. Could you divide up the work evenly so if she got behind on her work you could speak to her about efficiency.

It won't solve the problem - she will still take the time off unpaid, or take it as annual leave. You can't magic care for a sick child out of nowhere.

What will solve the problem (probably) is patience. Give it a few more weeks or months and the child will stop getting every bug going because they will have already have had a few of them.

It's none of your business.

If it's impacting your workload bring it up with your manager and ask them how best to resolve your work issue.

The issue of how much time, paid or otherwise, she can have, is between her and the managers.

The issue of being short staffed while other staff are missing is between you and the managers.

Don't confuse the two issues, because they're related, but different.

You need to complain to your employee about the fact the workload is going on to you, not the fact she gets time off. That in itself is not your problem.

However, you might find they are less incredibly accommodating of her if the loss is to them and not just to you!

I agree that in principle the husband should share the time off, but this is a long way from being your problem. Your problem is that your employer doesn’t make any arrangements for her work to be done.

Your issue is workload and resources - as the individual’s line manager either manage the situation yourself, or speak to your line manager and have them do it. If you are not prepared to do either of those things then there is not much anyone else can tell you really, other than look for another job.

You've got an answer for absolutely everything OP 🤣🤣🤣

But the bottom line remains the same.

The extra workload is not her problem, or her husband's problem.

The parents should split the time off 50 50. It's not fair for an employer to subsidise the DH not pulling his weight

I'm just saying it's this kind of thing that causes gripes. It may be "meh" to you but we'd all love to be at home cracking on with work with no interruptions. Anyway, at present she isn't there and everyone gets on just fine.

I haven’t read the other posts . I have scrolled through but seriously, what the Jeff ( putting it politely) has it got to do with you?

You say ‘ close colleague’ . Clearly not close enough for you to slag them off on a public forum.

Mind your own business. Fuck me. Who needs enemies with friends like you.

Talk to your manager if there's a problem with your workload.

How she divides parenting with her partner is fuck all to do with you.

Second post today with someone overstepping into a colleagues life.

Keep your fucking nose out.

Well it is very likely she wouldn’t need to take as much time off is she wasn’t being paid. In that situation, her and her DH would probably be able to split the time off more equally as it would be having the same impact on their household finances, whereas at the moment it would have negatively impact their finances.

We go to work to earn money, why wouldn’t they take the option that is least likely to impact them financially? OP’s workload isn’t her first concern - primarily it is her child’s welfare, followed by her household, with work and colleagues a lot further down the list.

I understand OP’s frustration - really I do - but it sounds like it’s poorly aimed.

This is the responsibility of your manager. Surely they need to allocate tasks per person.

If she has recently returned from mat leave it could also be that the child only wants mum when sick. Until my daughter was about 18 months my partner couldn't provide that soothing role for her. She had a difficult time when she was very small with health issues and this contributed to this issue.

We do a mix depending on who is available that day. I don't get paid for a day off for child care unless it is taken as annual leave. I am also not allowed to work if my daughter is there. My partner needs at least a day to reorganise his meeting so day 1 of any illness is always covered by me. He can usually take the following days off and gets paid for the time off. He can work with her if she is well enough but it's hard for him to make up the time as he already works 7 days a week so its only when there is stuff I really can't rearrange with work that he takes cover. My partners job on paper looks more flexible but it's not always the case.

We did have an 11 week period with very minimal childcare after our nursery closed with 20 minutes notice. I didn't work one full week during that time. I booked days off with little notice. I was so grateful for my colleagues understanding although aside from my attendance of meetings my work load has a minimal impact on their workload

Absolutely this.

@NameChanged45678

but shouldn’t the load be shared if there are two parents

It's none of your business

There's nothing else for it - donate said child to a children's home. Absolute inconvenience getting ill.