Page 8 | To charge son rent if he's away for the week?

tropicalcocktails · 2023-10-06T10:47:03+00:00

Ds late 20s still lives at home but has family in another part of the country, he has just announced he's going to visit his other parent for the week. We normally charge him a weekly contribution and at this current time money is pretty tight so we need him to contribute. We have 2 young children who share a room as he still lives with us. He's suddenly sprung this on us and as he now won't expect to pay his contribution next week that's money we will now have to find. AIBU to think that as we don't have that bedroom free for our other children who share and I'll still have his washing to do and the fact he has known about this visit for weeks but didn't think he needed to tell us his plans which has now left us short he should still pay his contribution?

Togekiss · 07/10/2023 20:28

Meowandthen · 07/10/2023 20:26

100% this.

Time he was expected to behave like an adult. Has packed lunches made by his mum in his late 20s? 🤦🏻‍♀️

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Yep, this is ridiculous.

One can only assume he knows how to butter two slices of bread and throw a slice of ham in at the bare minimum.

At this rate I wouldn’t be surprised if it was cut into triangles with the crusts got off for him.

Abbyant · 07/10/2023 20:33

No accommodation was included I was a live in health care assistant, and my mum still did my washing when I came home, cooked my meals and I had my personal taxi driver aka dad to take me to and from the train station and anywhere else I wanted to go.

Yummers8 · 07/10/2023 20:40

Absolutely 💯

SleepingStandingUp · 07/10/2023 20:43

tropicalcocktails · 06/10/2023 12:35

He gets it quite easy he gets a packed lunch for work and an evening meal with the family, all washing done, has no chores to do so he is still living as a teenager but we do rely on his contribution which to suddenly not get out of the blue one week does leave us feeling the pinch.

If we wouldn't notice it financially I'd be happy to let him off the week as I do usually, while he doesn't visit them often I've usually had some warning.
He also earns more than either of us and has no other outgoings apart from his car.

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Start treating him like a grown up. Tell him him not paying rent will put you into debt. If he rented a house, the landlord wouldn't let him off for two weeks every time he goes abroad. He pays his rent as normal (before he goes) or else you can't afford to house him.

How old are the other kids? Frankly I think it's time you told him to start looking elsewhere. He put earns you and your little kids are shoved in a room together so he can live it large.

crumblingschools · 07/10/2023 20:45

Why doesn't he do any chores? Did you want him to move out as soon as you had your other children as you seem to be blaming him for the other two DC sharing?

crumblingschools · 07/10/2023 20:46

@SleepingStandingUp it's not the eldest son's fault that OP had more children than they had separate bedrooms for

Janieforever · 07/10/2023 20:52

SleepingStandingUp · 07/10/2023 20:43

Start treating him like a grown up. Tell him him not paying rent will put you into debt. If he rented a house, the landlord wouldn't let him off for two weeks every time he goes abroad. He pays his rent as normal (before he goes) or else you can't afford to house him.

How old are the other kids? Frankly I think it's time you told him to start looking elsewhere. He put earns you and your little kids are shoved in a room together so he can live it large.

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Do you not see how illogical your post is? Him not paying for a week when he doesn’t eat or use utilities will put her in debt, but she should tell him to move out? How’s she going to pay the bills then? She clearly needs him there financially, even though she’s not admitting it, to the extent that she can’t even afford him not to pay a week when he’s not there without notice.

hes subsidising the family by being there, if he moves out they will have issues.

1month · 07/10/2023 20:57

I wouldn’t charge my child I’d they went away for the week.

He’s seeing his other parent, not swanning off on holiday.

He won’t be eating the food or using the utilities, so he will be costing less.

A 20yo still living at home is very normal but you sound resentful that your other 2 are sharing.

He needs to do his own pack lunch and at least some of his own washing though.

FOTTFSOFTFOASM · 07/10/2023 21:00

He isn't 20. He's "late 20s". I.e. an adult who should long since have moved out and learned how to do his own lunches and laundry.

1month · 07/10/2023 21:03

FOTTFSOFTFOASM · 07/10/2023 21:00

He isn't 20. He's "late 20s". I.e. an adult who should long since have moved out and learned how to do his own lunches and laundry.

Ahh I missed he was late 20s.

He definitely needs to be doing his own lunches and washing!

Nanny0gg · 07/10/2023 21:22

cannaecookrisotto · 07/10/2023 18:33

How many of the people jumping on the OP for doing her sons washing are currently responsible for their husbands washing?

Me.

But he cleaned my car today and is currently doing the ironing

Koalasparkles · 07/10/2023 22:05

Sorry, is this person a child? Oh no it's a fully grown man that should understand that rent continues to be paid if you still want something regardless of whether you are physically in that space the entire time. It's like asking for a reduction in rent if you work away from home 🤦🏼‍♀️ is this a serious question?

Todaysproblem · 07/10/2023 22:05

tropicalcocktails · 06/10/2023 12:35

He gets it quite easy he gets a packed lunch for work and an evening meal with the family, all washing done, has no chores to do so he is still living as a teenager but we do rely on his contribution which to suddenly not get out of the blue one week does leave us feeling the pinch.

If we wouldn't notice it financially I'd be happy to let him off the week as I do usually, while he doesn't visit them often I've usually had some warning.
He also earns more than either of us and has no other outgoings apart from his car.

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He’s going to make such a wonderful partner one day! One of those fine gentlemen that get posted about on Mumsnet by fed up women who pick up the pieces of a useless entitled man who barely had to wipe his own arse at home and nothing else. Ffs!

Koalasparkles · 07/10/2023 22:11

tropicalcocktails · 06/10/2023 12:35

He gets it quite easy he gets a packed lunch for work and an evening meal with the family, all washing done, has no chores to do so he is still living as a teenager but we do rely on his contribution which to suddenly not get out of the blue one week does leave us feeling the pinch.

If we wouldn't notice it financially I'd be happy to let him off the week as I do usually, while he doesn't visit them often I've usually had some warning.
He also earns more than either of us and has no other outgoings apart from his car.

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Seriously? You make all his meals, do apl his washing, he cleans nothing? Bloody hell, some people don't half infantilise their GROWN UP children

Koalasparkles · 07/10/2023 22:15

crumblingschools · 07/10/2023 20:46

@SleepingStandingUp it's not the eldest son's fault that OP had more children than they had separate bedrooms for

Are you kidding? The "child" is in his late 20's and can be told to sod off if he doesn't like paying rent like a grown up. I swear some people have their head up their bum

Escapetofrance · 07/10/2023 22:20

Isn’t this why he’s still living at home? I would assume it’s because he hasn’t got heaps of money to spend on rent/mortgage.
I can’t imagine asking my ds to pay rent for a week if he’s not there. How will you manage financially when or if he ever moves out? Will you get a lodger?

LuckySantangelo35 · 07/10/2023 22:40

@H34th

You're family. I never paid rent to my parents and will never charge my kids. If you're struggling financially he can help out, but I'd let it be his choice re how much and how often.

I know many people on here won't agree and that's why I'm posting - to say some of us (or one of us!) think this way, as you'd like to hear people's opinions”

what if is his choice is to not contribute at all though?

LuckySantangelo35 · 07/10/2023 22:41

@crumblingschools

he isn’t a child though is he
he’s in his late 20’s - he should have moved out ages ago frankly.

crumblingschools · 07/10/2023 22:49

@LuckySantangelo35 many young adults are still living at home well into their 20s. He does have it cushy when it comes to chores, wouldn’t want to be his partner!

But OP seems to be resentful that he is taking up a bedroom. It’s like she got a new partner started a new family and wanted her eldest to move out

Dacadactyl · 07/10/2023 22:52

I'd be charging him too.

caringcarer · 07/10/2023 22:59

Well he won't be there eating food or using electricity so maybe ask him for half his weekly contribution. Maybe £40

ArtAndMusic · 07/10/2023 23:21

LuckySantangelo35 · 07/10/2023 22:41

@crumblingschools

he isn’t a child though is he
he’s in his late 20’s - he should have moved out ages ago frankly.

🙄

Don't be stupid. It's sensible to live with parents whilst you save for a deposit. I know lots of people that have moved out in their late 20s/early 30s having saved a big deposit. As parents, I'd certainly encourage my kids to do just that after uni if our location fits with their workplace.

He should be doing more though, putting a wash on, cooking a couple of times a week etc.

ArtAndMusic · 07/10/2023 23:23

@LuckySantangelo35

How old are your children to be chatting rubbish about when they should be moved out?

JRM17 · 07/10/2023 23:23

Never mind making him pay I'd be making the freeloader move out. He earns more than you yet he is begrudging paying you rent for a week he's not there even tho you will be doing his washing and him being there prevents the other children having thier own bedroom. I think he needs to grow up and have a large dose of reality.

smartiesneberhadtheanswer · 08/10/2023 08:27

Definitely stop doing his washing for the sake of his future partner!

Never forgiven MIL for how little she taught DH