To charge son rent if he's away for the week?

[tropicalcocktails]

Ds late 20s still lives at home but has family in another part of the country, he has just announced he's going to visit his other parent for the week.
We normally charge him a weekly contribution and at this current time money is pretty tight so we need him to contribute.
We have 2 young children who share a room as he still lives with us.
He's suddenly sprung this on us and as he now won't expect to pay his contribution next week that's money we will now have to find.

AIBU to think that as we don't have that bedroom free for our other children who share and I'll still have his washing to do and the fact he has known about this visit for weeks but didn't think he needed to tell us his plans which has now left us short he should still pay his contribution?

No one stops paying rent while on holiday, but whatever you are saving on not feeding him could reasonably be deducted.

Why do these young adults think they don’t have to pay rent if they’re not there? You still pay your mortgage/rent when on holiday or is he intending on approaching the bank and telling them they won’t get their money when he goes on holiday when he buys his own place? I’d be interested to see how that goes lol. My step son tried this too. They’re honestly so entitled it boils my blood. Think the world owes them a favour. I think he needs a wake up call!

He's a grown man in his late 20s... he should still pay. I'm guessing he pays you less than he would if he was renting and he wouldn't be able to just pause that for a week.

I still have to pay my mortgage when I’m on holiday 😂

I don't understand the posts suggesting OP would struggle if her son moved out

He is eating their food, using their electric, water - if he moved out, less would be used and therefore bills would reduce?

Seems mean to me. He’s your son, not a lodger.

No chance I’d have 2 kids sharing a room and a grown ass adult still staying at home. Time for him to spread his wings!

I take issue with your 'living like a teenager' comment - my teenager is a fully functioning member of our household and is capable of cooking, carrying out chores, cleaning and washing. Hell my 10 year old can make their own packed lunch.

I would be mortified to have raised an adult child completely unprepared for independent living. And pity their future partner - I hope you don't expect they would take over as their (underpaid) skivvy?

I might ring my mortgage company and tell them that they have overcharged me this month because I have been away for two weeks 🤣🤣

I also don’t understand op, if he only pays his keep and you’re not profiting from him , then why do you need him to pay when he’s not there, other than laundry you’ve no additional costs during that period?

I think the fact you can’t get through with no notice is important, and it’s clear his contribution is key. But he will move out at some point, so how will you cope then?

I don't really understand.

You need him to pay despite him not being there but say you don't rely on him financially? If he's only paying for what he uses, why will you have to find money if he doesn't pay?

Regardless, it sounds like you need the cash so he'll have to pay which is fine. You need to work out how you would cope if he moved out properly though, not just went away for a week.

Because he’s not using any electricity, food, water, when he’s not there and she clwarly needs his money to get through,

Yes, this! This situation is really confusing to me.

An adult in his late 20s living at home having his meals made for him and his clothes washed? I despair of the mothers who create major problems for their sons’ partners from their own neediness and doormattage.

This. Who’s fault is it that he’s living like a teenager - it’s because his mother is treating him like one.

This is baffling.

You have a son who’s nearly 30 years old still living at home and you do his laundry for him and admit he lives like a “teenager”- what is wrong with you?

He’s a grown man. He needs to be moving out, even if it’s into a house share, and learning how to live independently. Not having mummy do his washing for him and no chores.

You’ve also contradicted yourself- you say in your OP you need the money because money is tight, yet then say later on you don’t rely on him financially. You clearly do rely on him financially or him not paying his keep for a week wouldn’t be an issue you’d be posting about on Mumsnet.

The whole situation sounds bonkers. He needs to move out and live as an adult. Stop babying him. This is exactly why there’s generations of men who are absolutely useless. They come home from work and slob around, and do nothing. Leave everything at their hole for their partner to pick up. Don’t do washing, cooking, cleaning or anything else. And you’ve facilitated this for what, anything from 8-11 years? Why?

Him potentially not paying keep for a week is the least of your issues here.

Charge him monthly if he gets paid monthly. Then it will not be an issue moving forwards.

if he is not paying this week, his washing can wait until his return and he is paying.

Late 20s and still living with his family??

Aside from that, if he was renting his own home, would his landlord let him off the rent for a week if he went on his hols? Or if he owned a place, would the lender let him off paying the mortgage that month?? Obviously not.

Come to think of it, I actually think what’s worse than him living like an actual child in your household (where you’ve just swapped school for his job and nothing else has actually changed) is the fact you clearly think you’re an amazing mother for this. You post with such conviction that how little he has to do around the house is something to be proud of. Like he’s got this incredible deal all because of you and how great a mum you are.

Whereas the reality is you have an adult son who has absolutely no clue about living with others. He has no idea how to deal with rents/mortgages/bills. He doesn’t have a clue what it takes to run a household. Does he even know how to use a washing machine?

This is shit the vast, vast majority of us learnt about when we were in our late teens and early twenties.

It’s really concerning that an adult seems so utterly unprepared for the adult world. Did he at least sort his own car out without you helping him? Or did you do that too?

Unless you've already bought the food for his packed lunches and it'll go to waste (because short notice) I would take a token £10 off for the food he won't be eating just to show that I've listened and compromised.

Or alternatively he could do his own washing, cooking, cleaning, grocery shops etc himself regardless of whether he’s paid “keep” or not.

His keep should go towards his occupation of his room and bills associated with him living there (only because he can’t get contracts out for these himself). He should be doing everything else himself.

I’m more than likely the same age as OPs son. I pay my mortgage every month, as well as all my other bills, work my job, look after my two children and run a household. He goes to work and comes home to doss about like a “teenager”- the least he can do is do his own laundry and clean his room.

Why are the standards so low for so many men? It’s embarrassing.

I haven't RTFT but from the first few I can't believe what I'm reading. Your son is going to see his other parent for a WEEK and you want to charge him for food that he won't eat and energy that he won't use? Unbelievable.

Totally different if you deliberately lived in a house big enough to house him and so there was a bigger mortgage or rent because of him. I'd expect him to still pay then.

But in any other situation I can't understand this. What if his other parent expects him to cough up something towards the week there?

I just can't imagine ever doing this to my own family. On the other hand I'd hope that by late 20s they would be in their own place. And if they were staying with me because they couldn't yet afford their own place, I would only charge them for food and energy because they would be saving their "rent" towards a deposit on their own place. I would NOT be treating them as a teenager by making packed lunches or doing their washing.

Did you also have to pay for wherever you stayed when you worked away? Because if you did that was REALLY harsh of your parents - they profited out of you.

Nobody knows what the OP is charging him. She might be only charging him £100/week for all we know.

Without that info, no one knows who is ripping who off.

100% this.

Time he was expected to behave like an adult. Has packed lunches made by his mum in his late 20s? 🤦🏻‍♀️