To charge son rent if he's away for the week?

[tropicalcocktails]

Ds late 20s still lives at home but has family in another part of the country, he has just announced he's going to visit his other parent for the week.
We normally charge him a weekly contribution and at this current time money is pretty tight so we need him to contribute.
We have 2 young children who share a room as he still lives with us.
He's suddenly sprung this on us and as he now won't expect to pay his contribution next week that's money we will now have to find.

AIBU to think that as we don't have that bedroom free for our other children who share and I'll still have his washing to do and the fact he has known about this visit for weeks but didn't think he needed to tell us his plans which has now left us short he should still pay his contribution?

He earns more than you with few outgoings
He pays the full
Amount
Cheecky s*
Or he moves out , gives his bedroom to his sibling and finds just how much real life costs.
Do not feel guilty

We don't make a profit from him. He pays a contribution towards his keep.

How much does her earn? And how much does he pay you?

Bills and rent don’t stop just because you’re not stay in the house for a week. It sounds like it would be a good opportunity to have a talk, he’s a grown man, he should understand these responsibilities and frankly it’s embarrassing he doesn’t. Time to grow up and act like the adult he is.

If you don't make a profit from him and he won't be there using electric/water/food etc - surely the outgoings that week will naturally be less and therefore you won't need his money?

I agree he should pay his way (and do more around the house), but it also seems like you're relying far too heavily on his money.

I take issue with the phrase still living like a teenager. I was a teenager, I did my laundry, ironing, cleaning, I have a teenager who does chores, dishwasher, bins, bedding, cleaning his bathroom. Tonight he will be making meatballs from scratch for dinner.

Stop making life so comfortable for him. He is an adult he should be cooking the family meal twice a week and hoovering etc. Give him responsibility, this is not good for the long run to do nothing, then move out and do everything. And yes of course he still pays his contribution.

Im surprised you are using the fact that he has his own room as some sort of justification

How does he earn more than both of you?

I think it’s risky to rely on your son financially which is what you are doing? I mean you need him there by the sounds of it so he’s doing you a favour not the other way round as he is your son

You haven’t mentioned why he hasn’t moved out but maybe he feels he can’t because he knows you need his money?

I have to pick up on this. Specifically "he is still living as a teenager"

My teenagers do chores. And make their own packed lunches. He is not living as a teenager but as a primary school aged child... I know this wasn't the point of the post but you are doing him (and his future partners) no favours to be babying him so much.

As to your question he definitely needs to still pay his rent when he's away for all the reasons already posted

So if he moved out, would your financial situation improve?

if the answer is yes, then you aren’t charging him enough in rent.

If he rented his own flat (or was even a lodger at someone's house) he wouldn't get a week rent free every time he went on holiday?

It sounds like if he moved out, they wouldn't be able to make ends meet.

If he earns more than either of the other two adults, he should be moving out into his own place, paying all bills, and doing his own washing & cooking. What is the matter with him? It's also time to stop indulging him "at home" and insist he steps up to be a proper, functioning adult.

You could knock off a bit for unused utilities. I always look forward to the monthly usage dropping while I am away. But he should still pay the basic rent as he would out in the real world.

I think you misunderstood altogether.

He doesn't earn more combined.
We don't rely on him financially as I said earlier he pays a contribution towards his keep.
We do not need him here, he is not doing us any favours and how do you conclude he can't move out because we need his money?
We are financially supporting him and need him to pay towards that.

Why are you financially supporting him when (cut and pasted from your earlier post):

He also earns more than either of us and has no other outgoings apart from his car

You need to think about the future OP. He's got it very cushy, earns more than both of you and you do everything for him and he's got everything all in?
What if he's still with you in 20 years, he's late 40s, you're knocking 70 or more and still making his meals? It happens. Please don't let it. It's not healthy.
You - and he- need a plan for him to move towards leaving and living an independent adult life.

I know you've said things are tight, but next time you go on holiday, just write a nice email to your Landlord or mortgage provider letting them know that you won't be paying rent/mortgage that week.

Or to you son if he doesn't go with you, letting him know that he is responsible for the full rent/mortgage for the week.

Yes, that bit sounds like a worry.

OP, what would you do for money if he moved out?

Of course he should pay. Mine pay monthly if that would be an option, then it’s irrelevant if they’re away for a week they still pay the same.

Your set up is very confusing - why are you financially supporting a grown adult who earns more than you do? Does that mean his contribution to bills/food etc is less than those things actually cost you?
It also doesn’t make sense that you say you don’t need his contribution and yet being without it for one week leaves you in a pickle.
He should pay anyway, rent doesn’t stop if you decide to go on holiday.
Whilst he’s away have a think about his contribution both financial and in life admin - he needs to grow up. Is he saving like mad for a house deposit or to get a house-share or is he living the life of Riley with his disposable income?

I’ve changed my mind about giving him a discount for food. As he’s given you absolutely no notice, you could have already bought extra in advance or planned meals based on his contribution. And presumably he’ll have left some dirty washing behind which will need water, soap powder, softener and electricity to wash & iron.

He’s in for an almighty great big shock if he can’t see how easy he has it living with you.

This just doesn’t really make sense?

“As we won’t have that bedroom free for our other children” makes no difference at all to his contribution, unless you were going to charge one of your other children to stay in that room?

“I’ll still have his washing to do” also is a bit of a non issue in terms of cost, you’re doing 4 people’s washing anyway, his doesn’t suddenly make the cost massively different?

It’s a fair conclusion that he can’t move out because you need his money because you can’t pay your bills without his money now. You say you don’t depend on his money, but you do, you couldn’t pay your bills next week without his contribution.

We don't rely on him financially as I said earlier he pays a contribution towards his keep.
We do not need him here, he is not doing us any favours and how do you conclude he can't move out because we need his money?

Because in your OP you said:
at this current time money is pretty tight so we need him to contribute.

How did you get yourself into a situation where you have two small children but are dependent on an adult child, who might move away at any time, to stay afloat?

@Pizzalover46
@VWdieselnightmare

regardless of whether OP relies on or needs the money, he needs to cough up the full amount for when he’s away. End of .

Hmm not really "end of" for me I'm afraid. I have questions.

@Pizzalover46

im not sure why you would need to question the need for him to pay in full.. he’s a grown man in employment, of course he does!!