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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To charge son rent if he's away for the week?

276 replies

tropicalcocktails · 06/10/2023 11:47

Ds late 20s still lives at home but has family in another part of the country, he has just announced he's going to visit his other parent for the week.
We normally charge him a weekly contribution and at this current time money is pretty tight so we need him to contribute.
We have 2 young children who share a room as he still lives with us.
He's suddenly sprung this on us and as he now won't expect to pay his contribution next week that's money we will now have to find.

AIBU to think that as we don't have that bedroom free for our other children who share and I'll still have his washing to do and the fact he has known about this visit for weeks but didn't think he needed to tell us his plans which has now left us short he should still pay his contribution?

OP posts:
Loopylambs · 09/10/2023 01:01

I don’t know why but I feel sorry for him , having to give ‘notice’ to visit family. What if other parent charges him for the week too? Then he will pay double. Sounds like you are relying on him financially , does he pay a fifth of bills / food / outgoings? . My son lived at home after uni , he was hopeless at some household tasks but helped do the garden etc .

Grrrrdarling · 09/10/2023 01:04

@tropicalcocktails You don’t ask you tell him! It isn’t a request for payment as it is a necessary payment to the household! At his age & with his income he should be paying 1/3rd of all of the bills; including the food bill or at-least buying his own food!

Simonjt · 09/10/2023 01:10

smartiesneberhadtheanswer · 08/10/2023 08:27

Definitely stop doing his washing for the sake of his future partner!

Never forgiven MIL for how little she taught DH

Maybe as she was a widow she was trying to make up for her son not having his dad growing up in a clumsy way?

Loopylambs · 09/10/2023 01:15

Grrrrdarling why should he pay a third? Why should he be responsible for financially supporting his step siblings? He might be saving for a deposit for his own place.

usernamealreadytaken · 09/10/2023 09:00

Docke · 06/10/2023 11:52

If he was renting his own home he’d still have to pay when he was away.

Why are you housing a grow adult and doing his washing?

I have two boys in their early twenties living at home; both pay board and I do their laundry as it's far cheaper to put on two family loads than two for DH and I, then two separate ones for DCs. It saves time as well as water/detergent, and for them it's one of the "perks" of living at home.

StillWantingADog · 09/10/2023 09:06

nearlywinteragain · 06/10/2023 11:52

You don't stop paying rent because you're on a weeks holiday.
So he still needs to pay.

This. He needs to grow up a bit.

Pollyputthekettleonha · 09/10/2023 11:26

No he needs to pay. Rent and mortgage don't stop because you go away. It seems quite disrespectful of him to ask that of you to be honest. I can't imagine asking my parents this if I lived with them. Is he otherwise considerate?

I'd stop doing his washing as well. If you've got two younger ones as well I'm sure you've got enough for a full load most of the time. I think he needs to take more responsibility for himself.

1mabon · 09/10/2023 12:10

He's not eating or heating his room, you are not doing his washing etc. What's there to pay for? Rather mean to my way of thinking.

Bogeyes · 09/10/2023 13:37

If he can find somewhere cheaper....he can go there!

Boysnana · 09/10/2023 16:59

As someone who this happened to in my younger years. It made me feel insignificant as a family member. I felt like I was just a lodger and no more important than that. I see both sides but as a parent a week to help your offspring out isn't out of the way.

sarah419 · 09/10/2023 17:42

YABU for charging your own son rent to begin with

Dacadactyl · 09/10/2023 19:32

I can tell the ones on here who will still have their 35 year olds living with them and taking the piss 🤣

GUARDIAN1 · 09/10/2023 20:59

If you need the money, he has to pay. When I've been better off (I'm self-employed so my income is variable), I've let my adult daughter off some or all of a week's "board" money if she's been going away - but not on occasions when I've needed it.

TomRaider · 09/10/2023 23:08

To put it a different way... Not too many years ago I was your son...

I paid my money as rent, i.e. even if i was away. We all did a bit of washing etc when the washing basket was full or when we needed something we made a load up with others stuff.

A couple of times a year, as a treat, I would get a gas bill or a lecky bill tossed my way - parents were on quarterlies. I swallowed it as I did little cooking or chores.

CJsGoldfish · 10/10/2023 00:57

I don't expect rent when my adult child goes away 🤷‍♀️
But I also don't do his washing, make his lunch etc. He is a fully cooperative participant in the running of the household. Works hard.
Despite being a single parent myself, I am happy if he gets to go away and he can use the rent as extra spending money. Not his fault if I'm struggling. He contributes willingly and I'm not going to charge rent if he's away

Goodornot · 10/10/2023 01:06

He gets it quite easy he gets a packed lunch for work and an evening meal with the family, all washing done, has no chores to do so he is still living as a teenager

Why are you enabling this? I've lived at home as an older adult before but I was little more than a flat mate. I did my own cooking, cleaning, food shopping, and helped with the DIY and maintenance as well as paying my way.

DahliaRose3 · 10/10/2023 01:11

I would just speak to him and be honest, and tell him you’re relying on his contribution. Can you reduce it slightly?

I think it’s best to be transparent re money at home. My parents were always honest with us, and it set a good example.

LanaL · 10/10/2023 08:56

Of course he should still pay - you don’t get a week knocked off your rent when you go on holiday and I doubt he’s having to pay rent / keep for the week st the the home he’s visiting x

MargotBamborough · 10/10/2023 09:17

BarbedButterfly · 06/10/2023 12:42

I would make him pay still but I do think it is a bit difficult relying so much on his money. What will you do if he moves out?

This. He's really too old to be living at home and it sounds as though he's still living like a teenager, which isn't good for him really.

It would also be better for your younger children if he moved out because then they could have their own rooms.

But if you are relying on his rent to make ends meet, it sounds as though you will be in financial difficulties if he decides to move out.

Is there anywhere else you can cut back? Anything you can do to increase your income or reduce your expenditure?

Lobberto · 10/10/2023 13:10

If you can’t afford one week without him, how are you going to manage if he moves out?

Lobberto · 10/10/2023 13:12

So 2 lots of shopping, cooking, washing in your household - sounds more expensive than just acting like a family that supports one another when it’s needed 🤷🏻‍♀️

PTSDBarbiegirl · 10/10/2023 13:17

Confused as to why you still do his washing? If the amount he contributes includes laundry, cooking, shopping, cleaning services I'd expect for him to contribute a lot less that week. Due to the fact that all the other things you do are costly. Sit down when he gets home and either charge more 'rent' or drop the extras. There are a lot of things you're doing for him.

Bubbadoo56 · 20/10/2023 16:21

I don't know how much your son pays for rent, but since he's an adult in his late 20's, he's getting off cheap. The fact that his meals are provided, his laundry is done, and he apparently does no cleaning, he's really getting a good thing here. If someone rents an apartment and goes on vacation for however long, they don't get a reduction in rent for the month. He should still pay for the week he will be gone. When you are more financially stable, he would benefit from getting his own place and learn to take care of himself. Otherwise, he might expect his future wife, who will probably have her own job, to take care of any and all household chores for him.

Johna69 · 09/11/2023 19:21

Bills don't stop just because he's away.

LBFseBrom · 10/11/2023 15:40

As he is in his late twenties and earns a decent salary, I believe he should pay something to you for his week away, with discount as you won't be providing food for him.

Try to reach a compromise. Otherwise he is a 'grown up child'.

It's about time he got his own place but presumably he is saving for a deposit and that is a huge sum these days.

I am sorry you really need your son's financial contribution and hope things improve for you and your family. Times are hard.