Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To charge son rent if he's away for the week?

276 replies

tropicalcocktails · 06/10/2023 11:47

Ds late 20s still lives at home but has family in another part of the country, he has just announced he's going to visit his other parent for the week.
We normally charge him a weekly contribution and at this current time money is pretty tight so we need him to contribute.
We have 2 young children who share a room as he still lives with us.
He's suddenly sprung this on us and as he now won't expect to pay his contribution next week that's money we will now have to find.

AIBU to think that as we don't have that bedroom free for our other children who share and I'll still have his washing to do and the fact he has known about this visit for weeks but didn't think he needed to tell us his plans which has now left us short he should still pay his contribution?

OP posts:
peonygirl · 07/10/2023 16:19

@StoatofDisarray unless he is saving for down payment to get himself on a property ladder? It would make sense to help him and he helps the family with his contribution? They seem to be dependent on his contribution.

@Floralnomad I agree, something is not quite right with this story.

@H34th I am of the same opinion, I wouldn't charge my son but I would educate him in household chores.

lindyloo57 · 07/10/2023 16:24

a small reduction as he won't be using gas electricity or food.

MrsMarzetti · 07/10/2023 16:25

If he wants to be rent free for the week tell him to pack his room so you can let it out.

StoatofDisarray · 07/10/2023 16:27

peonygirl · 07/10/2023 16:19

@StoatofDisarray unless he is saving for down payment to get himself on a property ladder? It would make sense to help him and he helps the family with his contribution? They seem to be dependent on his contribution.

@Floralnomad I agree, something is not quite right with this story.

@H34th I am of the same opinion, I wouldn't charge my son but I would educate him in household chores.

Edited

Yes that could be the reason he's at home but packed lunches? Mum doing his washing for him? I agree it really doesn't add up. Either the family is dependent on his money or it isn't.

neveradullard · 07/10/2023 16:30

Is there a problem coming down the track when your two youngest DC get older and want their own space? They're sharing a room because he has to have a room for himself but is that ideal?
Is he ever likely to move out? Is this a 'failure to launch' situation? ! You're not exactly helping him to be an independent adult or good partner in a relationship if he's used to having everything done for him and not lifting a finger, probably for minimal rent.

Anyway, he should give you decent notice of living elsewhere/going on holiday as it affects your shopping and cooking plans. He should pay at least a portion of rent even if he's not in residence. He should help out round the house a bit!

Boomerangs · 07/10/2023 16:32

You are not doing him any favours mollycoddling him. And certainly not doing any future partners he lives with any favours as they will inherit your man child

Lulooo · 07/10/2023 16:39

I stopped washing my children’s clothes when they were half way through secondary school. They all do their own laundry now. Why are you still doing laundry for an almost 30 year old man?

Maireas · 07/10/2023 16:40

Why is the laundry a problem? She says he puts it in the basket and it goes in with a general load. She's hardly doing it all by hand in the sink.

Fleabane · 07/10/2023 16:47

How much do you charge him?

CrabbiesGingerBeer · 07/10/2023 16:50

Maireas · 07/10/2023 16:40

Why is the laundry a problem? She says he puts it in the basket and it goes in with a general load. She's hardly doing it all by hand in the sink.

I’m nearly 50 and when I visit my parents, there’s a laundry basket in my room and my only responsibility is handing it to my Mum on wash day. It’s more expensive / less convenient to wash separately.

OK, if I lived there, I’d probably do the family laundry equally often as Mum does but it’s not surprising the OP has just kept doing it.

Maireas · 07/10/2023 16:51

Yes, I agree, @CrabbiesGingerBeer . She's doing a load anyway. Some of these replies are just petty.

Secondwindplease · 07/10/2023 16:58

Some people speak of the son earning more as if it somehow reflects badly on him. The audacity! Yes, he’s probably got long pockets and short arms but he’s in his twenties with no responsibilities, he will learn. Of course he needs to pay his board when he’s away, but other than that well done to him, I say.

The question is why he earns more than either of the other two adults in the household when they have had decades longer in the workplace to develop themselves.

I feel for the OP if money is tight but the sustainable way out of the problem is for her and/or her partner to be more economically productive, either through career progression or longer hours if not full time already etc. Anything else is just a sticking plaster.

Agnorant · 07/10/2023 17:09

Lulooo · 07/10/2023 16:39

I stopped washing my children’s clothes when they were half way through secondary school. They all do their own laundry now. Why are you still doing laundry for an almost 30 year old man?

Do each person in the family only wash their own stuff?

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/10/2023 17:14

It sounds as if your ds could be contributing more not less if his earnings are that much better.

kinleigh · 07/10/2023 17:16

I don't understand the washing issue. It's far easier to just put all the washing in together rather than everyone doing their own. I actually "banned" my older DCs from washing their own because the washing machine was always on and I couldn't get my own clothes in.
Controversially , I didn't charge rent either.

MikeRafone · 07/10/2023 17:20

why do you do the laundry for a grown man?

Maireas · 07/10/2023 17:21

Because he's her son, living in the family home and you may as well put it in with other stuff?

denpark · 07/10/2023 17:22

Rent is pay monthly, surely? Like I'm the real world. Your son will have to grow up and learn his reality works so maybe this is the time for you to instil that

AutumnAuntie · 07/10/2023 17:23

I deduct the amount my DC give me when they are away.

Fleabane · 07/10/2023 17:23

I asked how much you're charging him as I suspect you're not charging him enough for bed and board.

MikeRafone · 07/10/2023 17:24

Do each person in the family only wash their own stuff?

In this household yes, 3 adults and all can load the machine with an entire load of laundry and put on washing line to dry.

This morning the machine has been on twice and two different people loaded and unloaded the machine and hung washing out. We all do housework, bathroom, kitchen etc - its not all left to one person or one adult not doing a share

Cowlover89 · 07/10/2023 17:25

Yanbu

Agnorant · 07/10/2023 17:28

@MikeRafone ok as long as they are full loads it would work. We find it easier to do family laundry, as some are washed in 30 some 60 etc and then we wouldn’t have full loads. It’s definitely not left to one person.

PatchoulOilandRoses · 07/10/2023 17:28

I don't understand people being shocked at OP potentially wanting her son out of the house.
He's in his late 20's, it's natural to have hoped he would have spread his wings by now.
I get that it is becoming less and less possible with the COL buggering everything up but I will admit when I had kids it wasn't with the expectation that they would still be living with me in their late 20's/early 30's.
I also don't get the gibes about her not being able to manage without his money, not everyone lives in the mn bubble where money is never an issue and they would never dream of taking rent from their 'child'.
Money is tight at the moment and many families will rely on the income brought into the household by all of the adults* *that live there to survive.
Personally I think of course he should pay his board money, willingly and without complaining otherwise he should be looking for somewhere else to live.

Createausername1970 · 07/10/2023 17:29

Putting aside OPs finances, I think if it were a younger child, say 18 - 20 or thereabouts, then maybe not, as they are still finding their feet, learning to budget etc.

But late 20s with a job that pays more than a parent? I think he sounds like he has settled in and isn't in any hurry to go anywhere. He must be either saving a fair bit every month or squandering it if he hasn't got savings. In this instance I would charge.

Swipe left for the next trending thread