To charge son rent if he's away for the week?

[tropicalcocktails]

Ds late 20s still lives at home but has family in another part of the country, he has just announced he's going to visit his other parent for the week.
We normally charge him a weekly contribution and at this current time money is pretty tight so we need him to contribute.
We have 2 young children who share a room as he still lives with us.
He's suddenly sprung this on us and as he now won't expect to pay his contribution next week that's money we will now have to find.

AIBU to think that as we don't have that bedroom free for our other children who share and I'll still have his washing to do and the fact he has known about this visit for weeks but didn't think he needed to tell us his plans which has now left us short he should still pay his contribution?

He's taking the piss. At that age he should have moved out. Stop babying him.

I did do the washing but not any ironing. I didn't give money back for holidays though.

Financially I think @tropicalcocktails is too dependant on the income. But could get a lodger if son does move out

I seem to be the only one that thinks he shouldn't have to pay his contribution - he's not there so you're not feeding him and he's not washing/using electricity. If you need to, ask him for half what he normally pays. He's your child, he's not a lodger.

I don’t understand how you could afford for him to leave but can’t afford for him to miss paying for 1 week , it makes no sense at all to me .

@northernbeee who do you think will be washing the clothes he brought with him?

Of course he should pay. You still have to pay your mortgage when you go on holiday!

This doesn’t quite make sense.

If the money you take from him is only to subsidise his costs and not otherwise needed, then you won’t “feel the pinch” on the week that he’s away because you’ll have none of his costs?

And if his salary is higher than either of yours, why are you “supporting him financially”?

It sounds as if you’re more reliant on his contributions to support the household than you realise, or are prepared to admit.

The bills will be less ?

The concerning thing here is that the OP is in financial difficulty if she loses a week's rent from her DS. I don't understand how you will manage if he moves out.

I’d ask him if he thinks a landlord would excuse him paying while on holiday if he was renting.

If I didn’t need the money I wouldn’t charge, if things are tight and I needed it then I would charge on the basis that if he was renting elsewhere he would still pay when on holiday.

He's late 20's and still lots of posters think he shouldn't pay his usual rent when he's away. When does he learn about the economic realities of life?

No, you're not the only one.
It's a family home, not a lodging house.

Yes he should pay and if he doesn't like it he's a grown adult and knows where the door is.

This seems like resentment. You resent him being there taking that bedroom, but you apparently rely on his contribution to financially support the household.

He probably needs to move out.

What! Why on earth are you facilitating this nonsense? Do you charge market rate? So he's got a higher disposable income than you and a built in housemaid service! You are being completely unreasonable to set this expectation up for him. Awful.... He's going to be one of those unpleasant m an children who expects all females around him to be bear the brunt of the domestic load. You need to supply a photo shop we can tell all our DC to avoid like hell, least they get stuck in the partner/ domestic slave role

YANBU to ask him to pay

YABU to have to find money elsewhere. I might be wrong, but that makes it sound lien you're dependent of your adult son's contributions. He could leave at any time, and then you'll 'have to find' that money.

I thought you said that you relied on his contribution, otherwise things are tight?

WTF how are you so blasé about having released such an absolute cockwomble into the world?
The complete lack of chores was clearly fine for you when he was a teenager but I'm next to my 9 years old sorting out laundry and my 7 and 4 year old have just finished sorting out theirs!

Of course he should pay. But his selfishness is no real suprose is it when he's been raised so poorly.

We don't rely on him financially as I said earlier he pays a contribution towards his keep.We do not need him here, he is not doing us any favours and how do you conclude he can't move out because we need his money?We are financially supporting him and need him to pay towards that.

I'm confused how you will be short if he isn't there (so he isn't costing you anything extra that week) but simultaneously you aren't relying on his contributions.

• but I do think he should pay as normal, that's how rent works. Possibly you can knock a bit off for food, but does he pay extra the weeks he costs you extra? I doubt it.

I missed that he is in his late twenties! He shouldn’t be making a “contribution” towards his keep, he should be being charged appropriately for his room/share of the council tax/ broadband/ tv streaming/ utilities/ food.

Even a packed lunch every day adds up, add in an evening meal, snacks and drinks and that is going to be a getting on for quarter of your food bill ( counting the younger two as halves) .

You're family. I never paid rent to my parents and will never charge my kids. If you're struggling financially he can help out, but I'd let it be his choice re how much and how often.

I know many people on here won't agree and that's why I'm posting - to say some of us (or one of us!) think this way, as you'd like to hear people's opinions.

"Ds late 20s"

"He gets it quite easy he gets a packed lunch for work and an evening meal with the family, all washing done, has no chores to do so he is still living as a teenager "

"He also earns more than either of us and has no other outgoings apart from his car."

I think it's high time for a sit-down chat about exactly how much financial (and chores!) contribution he should be making. Chen I started earning my Mum took 25% of my take-home pay as my dig money. (I felt so grown up, paying my way!)

He doesn't have it quite easy, he has it very easy! I don't think that is in his best long-term interests. If he makes no physical contribution to the running of the household ("chores") then I really have to ask you - is he going to be capable of independent living? Or is he going to expect to move from his mum being his skivvy to his partner being his skivvy? I told my DS that it was my job as his parent to train him to be an adult, to be capable of taking care of himself. To know how to cook, clean and launder. So I'll ask again - is he going to be capable of independent living? Or is he going to be an eternal teenager / man-child?

It's time to talk, and seriously. He's late twenties - he needs to get up to speed on adulting! He needs to contribute physically and financially to the household. I'd be taking 25% of his pay as his financial contribution, expecting him to cook at least once a week, be running the hoover round, etc. He needs to know his way around a washing machine and iron. Like you I do everyone's laundry, but when he was 15 I gritted my teeth, gave him his own washing basket and taught him laundry. Asked what meals we had that he would like to be able to make himself, taught him those recipes and set him loose. Showed him how to clean a bathroom and kitchen, and tasked him with specific jobs each week until I felt he could do for himself. And yes it's hard to stop yourself stepping in and taking over, but it has to be done if he's going to live independently.

If the 25% is substantially more than he's paying now (and it really, really shouldn't be) and you feel bad about taking that much off him (and you really, really shouldn't) then stick the excess in a savings account, to be handed back to him as the deposit he'll need when he moves out.

So, your To Do List:

• Take a proper amount of dig money from him
• Train him in cleaning, cooking and laundry
• Tell him of course he still pays his rent next week
• Stop infantilising him / allowing him to infantilise himself

he's not doing us any favours
Well, it doesn't sound like a happy situation, so maybe just ask him to move out.

I'm also of this opinion, and agreed with a similar post upthread. We do seem to be in the minority, though.
It does seem as if the OP wants the son gone, anyway.