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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with a stranger telling me to 'cheer up'

180 replies

canwetalkaboutcake · 06/10/2023 11:41

I've just been out for a walk to town. A man of about 60 passed me and told me to 'cheer up'.

I am not cheered up, in fact I'm pissed off. Why do strangers think it's acceptable to say this to someone - I could have just received bad news or be going through something terrible.

I felt like telling him to piss off but I'm too timid to do such a thing.

OP posts:
Hersecretserviceyourmaj · 07/10/2023 01:19

canwetalkaboutcake · 06/10/2023 12:06

I'm sorry, should I just shut up and accept it? I was minding my own business, he wasn't.

Show quote history

Well you did shut up and accept it, as you didn't say anything to him.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/10/2023 01:29

CallieQ · 07/10/2023 00:47

And anyone trying to say otherwise is displaying handmaidenly behaviour.

Handmaidenly behaviour wtf is that!
I think you lot should cheer up

I'll cheer up if you crack a book.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 07/10/2023 02:39

When I was younger would probably have just ignored the idiot or smiled and walked on but now in peri-menopause think would tell him to just feck off and mind your own business ....

greenhydrangea · 07/10/2023 03:55

I agree that's frustrating but I think what he probably wanted to say was -

You don't look happy. I don't even know you but I care that you are unhappy. Please know that people care about you.

But he didn't have time so he tried to say something friendly to portray his care.

Like hell he did. These "cheer up" men never say it to other men - and they sure as hell don't say it to older women or women their own age.

Nobody's told me to cheer up randomly out in public in years. Funny that.

decionsdecisions62 · 07/10/2023 04:55

Old men are mostly complete dicks. I got approached by one in a car showroom yesterday. He was with his disabled wife. He parked her in the corner then proceeded to flirt with me so much that the salesman told him he needed more bromide in his tea! They are dickheads!

Couldn't you just have said 'go fuck yourself'?

thelengthspeoplegoto · 07/10/2023 07:23

isthesolution · 06/10/2023 11:55

I agree that's frustrating but I think what he probably wanted to say was -

You don't look happy. I don't even know you but I care that you are unhappy. Please know that people care about you.

But he didn't have time so he tried to say something friendly to portray his care.

😂 are you serious?
This is definitely an older man thing. I remember it from my younger days when going out at the weekend. It always struck me that it came from idiots who wanted your attention but we're too dense to think of anything better to say.

AmIAutumnalNow · 07/10/2023 09:10

My response is always to look puzzled and say "sorry, what did you say". A few times. It works

Or
Just GTF if I feel like it

peanutbuttertoasty · 07/10/2023 09:24

Intrusive, boundary-pushing, condescending, controlling, humiliating, rude…. It’s the misogynist’s calling card

CallieQ · 08/10/2023 00:48

I'll cheer up if you crack a book.

No idea what you're on about love

Boredandbitter · 08/10/2023 00:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CallieQ · 08/10/2023 00:57

Old men are mostly complete dicks.

This is a terrible judgemental generalisation

Northernladdette · 08/10/2023 09:49

I passed a lady the other day, she was stopping for a rest. As I went by she said “Are you late or am I?” I didn’t really understand but jut smiled and said “Five minutes to my appointment “ and walked on. Weird 🙂

truthhurts23 · 08/10/2023 09:51

I used to get this a lot , cheer up! why so sad? smile!

then I put on 50lbs and nobody gives a toss about my face anymore🙄

PurpleFlower1983 · 08/10/2023 09:54

I’ve had this before and it really upset me as I was on the way t

PurpleFlower1983 · 08/10/2023 09:55

Posted too soon!

on the way to the hospital after my grandad had died. I’ll never forget that comment.

QuickFetchTheCoffee · 08/10/2023 09:59

Oh I hate it when people do this.
I've been at times of my life where I'm silently crying down the street (I don't drive so I'm usually just getting on with my day, albeit miserably) and some fecker will say "cheer up luv" or some other such rubbish. It doesn't matter who it's coming from, it does absolutely the opposite from cheering me up.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 08/10/2023 09:59

Agree annoying but misogynistic come on!

Do you think they ever say it to other men? Of course they don't. A lot of men (maybe subconsciously) almost certainly prefer their scenery to be populated by preferably pretty, but if not at least smiling, women. They know they can't get away with saying 'please be prettier or at least put on some make-up', but saying 'smile' or 'cheer up' at least sounds like they might be being nice. Why do you think they don't say it to men (aside from the fact that they might get punched)?

ColdEvenings · 08/10/2023 10:43

Iknowthis1 · 06/10/2023 21:37

Ffs. I didnt know men still did this. I used to hear it a lot in my youth.

@Iknowthis1 haha

Your answer is in your post in your youth strange how creepy men don't say to you now eh?

;)

booksandbeans · 08/10/2023 10:47

my stock reply is a rapid reply ‘grow up’ . Any further comments get a ‘this is my resting bitch face, what’s it to do with you?’

Sjh15 · 08/10/2023 13:31

i get this quite often! I have naturally resting b*h face. It annoys me no end. Like you said, I could have had some awful news or something and having (usually) the older generation telling me to cheer up or ‘smile!!!’ Does my head in. Isn’t it weird to walk around smiling?!

one time I was in a rush and arrived at work really annoyed about something and a worker got in my face preeching about how someone he knew just got diagnosed with cancer and unless my morning was that bad then I needed to smile. Like COME ON. awful for them of course but he didn’t have a clue what I was going through….

YANBU.

QueenBitch666 · 08/10/2023 13:48

isthesolution · 06/10/2023 11:55

I agree that's frustrating but I think what he probably wanted to say was -

You don't look happy. I don't even know you but I care that you are unhappy. Please know that people care about you.

But he didn't have time so he tried to say something friendly to portray his care.

Bollocks 😆

Startyabastard · 08/10/2023 19:24

decionsdecisions62 · 07/10/2023 04:55

Old men are mostly complete dicks. I got approached by one in a car showroom yesterday. He was with his disabled wife. He parked her in the corner then proceeded to flirt with me so much that the salesman told him he needed more bromide in his tea! They are dickheads!

Couldn't you just have said 'go fuck yourself'?

That's appalling. No respect.

PleaseGiveMeBackMySummer · 08/10/2023 19:43

bonbon2023 · 06/10/2023 12:03

Oh look another man bashing thread 🙄

So?

PleaseGiveMeBackMySummer · 08/10/2023 19:44

Ballamorie · 06/10/2023 12:08

Would he have said it to man? Doubt it.

Show quote history

100% agree. He was incredibly misogynistic! But then most men are when you scratch the surface a bit!

Noodles1234 · 08/10/2023 19:47

I hate this too, someone has said it to me when I’ve had the most awful news to handle. I think I told them to go away.