to think it’s weird dp has booked an air b and b and not just stayed at our flat?

[Ohifhemakes]

Can’t tell if I’m massively overthinking this and my mind has just jumped to cheating and staying the night with another woman. It’s typical me being paranoid really and not because he has a history. It just seems quite strange.

we own a studio flat which we will definitely upsize when we can but for his birthday he wants to have a night with his 2 best mates, I assumed it would be at ours considering I knew he was hosting it and have planned something for me to do that night (we are doing something together the Friday night) so I’m not there so he will have the place to himself.

he has actually renting a 2 bed/bath place and told me it’s because it’s just more room so they can all comfortably move about and sleep there. Is this normal? My mum has said why doesn’t he just stay in the empty place he owns and I do have to agree. Yes it’s not huge but it’s enough to have a couple of close friends over. He says he doesn’t want to feel claustrophobic and the place he has rented has outside seating etc. £120 mind!

AIBU to think it is a little strange? It’s literally right in our city as well, like a few mins drive so he’s paying £120 to be a couple of minutes away from his empty home? Does this scream suspicious?

I don’t find anything strange about it. I’m assuming you will come home at some point and would you want to be sleeping in the same room as him and his friends? That’s weirder in my view unless you planned to stay elsewhere for the night. Not really seeing an issue here unless he has form for cheating.

Maybe he’s thinking If they make a mess they don’t have to clean up before they leave whereas at home they’ll have to be more careful and tidy up so ad not to leave the place in a state. I would do the same if it were me and if I can afford to.

Do you have reason to be suspicious ? If not then why are you torturing yourself. It’s a nice end to a night to have somewhere comfortable to stay …l certainly wouldn’t want them at the family home ! Anyway if men are “up to something” it always comes out in the end so relax and have a night to yourself !

Sounds like a good idea to me. Sounds like he and his mates are going to have fun. Try to let go of your paranoia - easier said than done, I know. Especially after reading MN where a lot of us have had such bad experiences. This honestly sounds innocent.
I hope you all have a good time.

Sounds fine to me and not suspicious.

Most men do. This is the first obvious sign. Fortunately OP has caught him out.

No, not suspicious.

Rent out your studio via AirBNB....!

He wants to be in a bigger, nicer place that has more outdoor space. It has more proper beds and a second bathroom. He won't have to worry as much about noise, spills or breakages. It's more exciting than just staying at home and feels like a treat. It might be nearer to a bar or restaurant they might go to. I'd do this and don't really understand why you're suspicious.

No not strange many people book apartments for their birthday and if he’s only around the corner easy for you to turn up so I doubt cheating

If he was going to cheat he probably wouldn’t have told you his plans.

I dated a guy for a couple years that was on a swingers website the whole time. I’m not a swinger and had no idea about it until I opened up our tablet and he’d left the site open.

all of the times he got defensive, caused an argument and stormed off. All of the work trips that came up very last minute etc… started making sense.

I know not all cheaters are the same… but give him the benefit of doubt.

I presume you know the people who will be staying there too ?

What are you on about? OP hasn't "caught him out". He told her his plans. If he was going to cheat he could easily do so at the studio flat. Why would he need to rent a two bedroom place to spend the night with a lover?

Three adult men who've been drinking in a studio flat sounds like hell. I can see why he wanted something bigger. And the price sounds like a bargain when you consider a hotel room can easily be over £100 for one night these days.

Nah. She's paranoid. There's nothing wrong or suspicious about not wanting to be in a studio flat for a birthday party when his mates are staying over.

I'm going to go against the grain and say it is slightly odd decision making. That's not to say there's definitely something dodgy but it is an odd choice IMO.

Surely for a birthday celebration you either go "out" in which case you just need a crash pad and the studio would be fine or you go "away" (or both) and book somewhere away from where you live.

Booking somewhere in your home town to stay in, is at least unusual?

I agree with @Softnatural . Having been married to a cheater, I was very sensitive to the comment OP made about being "my usual, paranoid self". Have you always been paranoid or has something given you cause? In my experience if something doesn't feel right then it likely isn't; and gaslighters are really good at giving the "look how reasonable I'm being and look how unreasonable you're being" crap. If a relationship is perfectly peachy you have no reason to question it, but if you do find yourself feeling suspicious there may very well be a reason why, especially when everyone else tells you you're being ridiculous. Trust your instincts OP

It sounds reasonable. If anything gets broken or stained, it's a fee to pay and done. At yours, they might break something more valuable, personal or irreplaceable. Less cleaning there because they have cleaners. Not saying they will leave the place in a state but they probably need to leave it in a reasonable condition. At yours, it would be right to leave it as you left it. There, all the stuff is presumably standard for the rental. At yours, there will be personal stuff laying around that he might not want the friends to mess around (e.g. your stuff). There, if they are noisy and get told off by a neighbour, they are leaving next day and doesn't matter much. At yours, he would have to face that neighbour in and out. There, they can go outdoors and enjoy a drink in different places depending on the weather. At yours, it's a studio so even if there's a lot of space for a studio, everything is in the same room and it feels more crowded. Plus two bathrooms with blokes drinking and partying are probably a very good idea. There might even be a nice place nearby to go for breakfast. I think it makes complete sense if he can afford it.

Also, since you are not going to be home, he's been forthcoming and told you about the change of plans. I think he probably just thought that he rather not have to clean the studio. Maybe he knows one of the guys might bring someone back, if he has form of it, and he rather have a proper bedroom with a door they can be stuffed in. Maybe he knows his friends are a bit pigsty and doesn't want to clean after them. If he were to cheat, it would be easier to get a hotel on the day and he would not need to tell you anything about it.
They might prefer to get beers/drinks and drink in the flat instead of spending three times that much going to pubs and clubs. Even paying £120 might be cheaper than going around to different places and drink. And you can order takeaway. If he's into gaming, they can take the console there and move between outdoor area, indoor seating, film, game... tbh, it sounds like something I'd like to do!

It's quite popular here to rent an apartment with your friends for the night, I wouldn't think it was odd at all. If anything, I'd be happier that there weren't several drunk men in my apartment!

His plans are completely normal and acceptable.

However, in long-term relationships we can often pick up on the slightest changes in our partner or their behaviour. Even otherwise normal behaviour in someone else can become suspicious if it is out of your partner's character.

Only you know if your paranoia is your own, or if it has been built up by his behaviour.

Totally none of her concern. Don’t worry about it. Incredible how people think it’s any of their business!