to think it’s weird dp has booked an air b and b and not just stayed at our flat?

[Ohifhemakes]

Can’t tell if I’m massively overthinking this and my mind has just jumped to cheating and staying the night with another woman. It’s typical me being paranoid really and not because he has a history. It just seems quite strange.

we own a studio flat which we will definitely upsize when we can but for his birthday he wants to have a night with his 2 best mates, I assumed it would be at ours considering I knew he was hosting it and have planned something for me to do that night (we are doing something together the Friday night) so I’m not there so he will have the place to himself.

he has actually renting a 2 bed/bath place and told me it’s because it’s just more room so they can all comfortably move about and sleep there. Is this normal? My mum has said why doesn’t he just stay in the empty place he owns and I do have to agree. Yes it’s not huge but it’s enough to have a couple of close friends over. He says he doesn’t want to feel claustrophobic and the place he has rented has outside seating etc. £120 mind!

AIBU to think it is a little strange? It’s literally right in our city as well, like a few mins drive so he’s paying £120 to be a couple of minutes away from his empty home? Does this scream suspicious?

Obviously as a love hotel while you're away. Going to Asda? That's gonna take an hour, you can easily list it for that hour. On the days you work at the office, you can rent it as a meeting room. Being poor is just a state of mind and lack of effort/s

😅😅😅 howling at this, as I can actually imagine being told this by a few boomers I know!

OP, seriously though... I'd be looking at getting some help. Must be awful for both you and your relationships to be living with this level of control/accusation/paranoia

I don't think this is necessarily suspicious.

We also own a studio flat in a holiday city. It's great for me and DP or me and my mates but there no way my DH would share it with two mates or even one. If he goes away with friends he is absolutely adamant he always has a room of his own. He snores, he farts, he has night terrors and he would be embarrassed for other people to witness this or be kept awake by it. Understandably he wants his privacy.

I'm not suggesting your DH is afflicted with similar issues but there is nothing intrinsically wrong in wanting a private place to sleep and a second bathroom.

It sounds fine and normal. If you can't afford it that's another issue. Sad to hear your mum's experiences have made you worry. It's really bad of her to put this on you.

I used to live in a studio flat. I never entertained people there because it would basically have been a party in my bedroom and I didn't want that. (Well, I did, but only the kind of entertainment and partying the OP is worrying about). It sounds sensible to rent somewhere bigger and given the markup on drinks in pubs, not too expensive given they can bring their own booze.

How would you feel if he accused you of cheating when you had a weekend with your friends?

Don't let your mum get into your head or you will destroy your relationship.

I agree with PPs that this sounds pretty normal. I wouldn't want to sleep at your place with 2 close friends personally, even at that age, I'd want a 'proper' bed and a room to myself.

I also agree that he's unlikely to rent a 2 bed for an affair - people aren't often that smart.

Not weird. 🤷‍♀️

They get more space, you can be in your house if you want. There's no prep work/cleaning for him to do, you don't have to worry about them being drunk and finding any of your stuff. No risk of stuff getting broken. No arriving home to the place a tip and them all still in bed with a hang over.

Pretty perfect to me!

Depends how well off you guys are and whether DP is a cheapskate like us!

It would take a very strong reason to persuade DH or me to pay for an AirBNB if we had a perfectly good place into which we could cram all the friends. And we are in our 50s/60s!

But I can see from the other responses you've had that most other people would rather pay and have somewhere with privacy.

What is your DP usually like about spending money? If spending like this is normal for him, then I guess the two of you have different priorities in terms of saving v spending. Being on a different page might cause other problems for you as a couple, but it doesn't suggest infidelity.

If it’s going to include a stay over I’d probably prefer to book somewhere if I found somewhere that cheap, comfier sleep options by the sounds of it more space to socialise + outdoor space if you have none + not having to clean up after yourselves in the same way as you’d have to wash everything put everything away hoover ect after they’d left and just the general feeling of not being at home so it being a special night away to celebrate is rather worth it for that price I’ve been known to do similar myself and plan to do the same this year as it’s just more convenient

I don’t think this is odd. It will probably feel more like a celebration if it involves a “night away” even if on his doorstep.

And I’m normally quite the cheapskate but there’s not too much that makes birthdays as an adult feel special and being anywhere that’s not home feels more like being young again as sad as that is it brings the special feeling depends on your budget though but it’s not a red flag behaviour wise if it’s affordable

I wouldn’t stay with another 2 friends in a studio flat.

OP, you are pretty much the same age as one of my children. If she came to me with this story, I'd tell her that she's massively overthinking it and that she needs to calm down and not judge her partner on the behaviour of her shitty father. Don't create a problem where there isn't one.

Why does he want outside space in autumn/winter - are any of them smokers? Tbh I’d thank my lucky stars they weren’t all in my studio flat!

It's not suspicious, it's considerate. You really want his two mates all squashed in, no privacy, pizza all over the place? And trust me on this men aren't comfortably sharing a double bed to sleep.

If you had your own place which was a 2-bed, I'd find the renting an Airbnb odd. But in your scenario, I can see why he's doing it. And presume they are staying in and hanging out in the flat, it is no less a waste of money than a big night out going to pubs etc.

Gently OP, immediately assuming the worst of the people you love is not a happy or a healthy way to live. I'm sure your mum is an important source of support to you but if she had a bad experience with your dad this is going to colour her view of your relationship. I am sure that she wouldn't want you to be paranoid because she had a bad experience.

If he was shagging someone else, couldn't he just shag them in the studio flat or am I missing something?

Compared to what one might spend on a celebration at a pub, or by going to a hotel, it's quite reasonable at £120. As has been said, a lot of people (and not just men) like to be able to have their own bed. Many of us are long past the days of student parties which would often end in people sleeping on sofas and all over the floor. Once you get past the age of about 25 that's no longer comfortable.

I actually think it is a bit strange as your studio flat is empty with 3 beds, my parents had an armchair sofa bed growing up and it’s fine!

I don’t think he’s cheating though, I just think why is he not making use of an empty studio flat?

If you think he’s had form for cheating in the past, that’s another issue.

So where would you be on this night too? maybe he's being considerate, instead of having his friends over and you having to find somewhere else to stay he's doing that so you get to stay in your home for the night!

Tbh I’d do the same, space is important and it sounds like he also wanted some outside space so they’ll want to socialise there before going out etc.