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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it’s weird dp has booked an air b and b and not just stayed at our flat?

170 replies

Ohifhemakes · 06/10/2023 05:54

Can’t tell if I’m massively overthinking this and my mind has just jumped to cheating and staying the night with another woman. It’s typical me being paranoid really and not because he has a history. It just seems quite strange.

we own a studio flat which we will definitely upsize when we can but for his birthday he wants to have a night with his 2 best mates, I assumed it would be at ours considering I knew he was hosting it and have planned something for me to do that night (we are doing something together the Friday night) so I’m not there so he will have the place to himself.

he has actually renting a 2 bed/bath place and told me it’s because it’s just more room so they can all comfortably move about and sleep there. Is this normal? My mum has said why doesn’t he just stay in the empty place he owns and I do have to agree. Yes it’s not huge but it’s enough to have a couple of close friends over. He says he doesn’t want to feel claustrophobic and the place he has rented has outside seating etc. £120 mind!

AIBU to think it is a little strange? It’s literally right in our city as well, like a few mins drive so he’s paying £120 to be a couple of minutes away from his empty home? Does this scream suspicious?

OP posts:
jolies1 · 06/10/2023 06:29

Ohifhemakes · 06/10/2023 06:28

I agree it does seem quite wasteful to be only a few mins away for the cost but seems quite a normal thing based on replies

It depends on their plans to be fair if he’s decided £120 to have a lads night in with a takeaway and beers somewhere with more room he’s probably spending less than he would on taxis and a night out.

getfreddynow · 06/10/2023 06:30

Sounds like your mum stirs things up commenting on your relationship . Watch that.

Original poster
Ohifhemakes · 06/10/2023 06:31

Yes they’re doing films/games, drinking and takeaway so probably cheaper than going out but I felt could also then be £120 cheaper on top too 😂

OP posts:
echinaceadreams · 06/10/2023 06:35

Sounds perfectly reasonable. Like a holiday

TookTheBook · 06/10/2023 06:43

I wouldn't have assumed cheating, I would have assumed three adults (no longer teenagers obviously) would like to stay somewhere with more space and bedrooms because they can. I don't understand why you assume cheating, don't you know the friends he's invited? Are you assuming they are pretending to be going along for his birthday?

Ducksinthebath · 06/10/2023 06:44

Nothing wrong with what he’s suggesting. I wouldn’t spend the whole evening then stay with two friends in one room no matter how many pull out beds there were. I’m an adult and I want my own space to sleep.

Rewis · 06/10/2023 06:54

I do think it's wasteful and not something I would do. But I do have friends that love to do this type if thing. On it's own without knowing a backstory it is not sus.

AbbeyGailsParty · 06/10/2023 06:58

If he was having an affair he’d book a hotel and go farther away.
With 3 men drinking, eating and gaming all night 2 bathrooms, no laundry, no cleaning to do sounds like a bargain to me for £120.

CallieTR · 06/10/2023 07:05

If I was invited to stay over in a studio with 2 other people I would say no. I would totally do what your partner is doing.

CherryMaDeara · 06/10/2023 07:06

Ohifhemakes · 06/10/2023 06:19

Oh and we have a bed, a sofa bed and sofa armchair so 3 beds. The place he is renting means 1 is still on the sofa bed in the living area as well

How is a sofa armchair a bed, OP? And how can you compare a sofa armchair to a sofa bed? The two are completely different.

I think you need to get your paranoia looked at, I have relative who has it (diagnosed) and it is fucking hell to live with.

Flatandhappy · 06/10/2023 07:09

Staying home and having friends over doesn’t feel like much of a treat tbh, a night somewhere else does.

PuddlesPityParty · 06/10/2023 07:10

Why did your mind jump straight to it being suspicious?

Russooooo · 06/10/2023 07:12

He sounds considerate (to both you and his friends) and fun. His night sounds great - take away and good mates, not PARTAAAAY or pulling.

You sound rather controlling. How does your “usual paranoia” present itself? Has he ever done anything to give you cause to think he might cheat?

slashlover · 06/10/2023 07:17

Ohifhemakes · 06/10/2023 06:19

Oh and we have a bed, a sofa bed and sofa armchair so 3 beds. The place he is renting means 1 is still on the sofa bed in the living area as well

But I'd assume in your flat he would be sleeping in his own bed so if one of the others wanted to go and lie down or go to bed a bit earlier then they couldn't.

In the rented place they could go to the bedroom and leave the other two to it. Nothing worse than wanting to go to bed and not being able to.

BustyLaRoux · 06/10/2023 07:17

Politely, yes, you are being ridiculous. Three men sharing sleeping space all of whom been drinking and eating take away. That room would stink to high heaven by morning!! I’d be bloody glad my partner had chosen to rent somewhere else. Wanting a separate room each is a perfectly normal adult response. You may want to consider why your brain has immediately jumped to infidelity because that’s quite a leap! Your mum clearly hasn’t helped matters and I wonder if she has some trust issues of her own which she is projecting on to you.

Anyway no, not suspicious at all.

SallyWD · 06/10/2023 07:21

I think it's perfectly normal. I absolutely could not share a studio flat with two mates. I need space. £120 sounds good value and split between three uysbt much at all.
I find it odd that you don't understand why they'd want more space and are suspicious ? In fact a studio flat would be fine to take a woman to but less fine to stay in with a couple of mates.

letmesailletmesail · 06/10/2023 07:23

With a 2 bed place, not only do they get some privacy but, if one wants to go to bed earlier, they can; if one wants to sleep in, they can. Also, two bathrooms makes life much easier. Especially if it's been a big night and they need to spend a bit of time in there!

IncompleteSenten · 06/10/2023 07:27

Do you have reason to mistrust him? Has he cheated on you before or propositioned other women?

Xmasbaby11 · 06/10/2023 07:27

Sounds sensible to me, and £120 is good value. It is bigger and will feel like a little holiday staying somewhere different.

I would consider why you assume affair. Are there any reasons why you don't trust him?

JFDIYOLO · 06/10/2023 07:31

I agree it seems a way more comfortable and affordable option for three men.

How old are you all, OP?

ZickZack · 06/10/2023 07:33

Maybe being in his own home will feel a bit too 'every day' and boring and wants it to therefore feel more like a special occasion. I wouldn't jump to cheating. Especially as you know about it and he's not made it a secret.

Quitelikeacatslife · 06/10/2023 07:36

Less mess in your place, be grateful

AllUmder · 06/10/2023 07:38

Why are you typically paranoid?

This isn't remotely suspicious, and why are you allowing your DM to stir things? I agree with PP, be careful with that.

ChampagneBlossom44 · 06/10/2023 07:39

It’s a bit of a stretch to jump straight to cheating, has something happened previous that has put this worry into your head?

I don’t think your mum has helped matters, it might be best for her to keep her beak out if it was her input that started this off.

Libraryloiterer · 06/10/2023 07:39

How old are they all? Your expectation of them dossing down in a studio flat with no privacy sounds like some kind of student sleepover.

What they're actually doing sounds like a perfectly normal, healthy, adult thing (well except for the gaming maybe!).

As someone who has been on the receiving end of this kind of 'paranoia' you need to sort yourself out. It is controlling and borderline abusive.