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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it’s weird dp has booked an air b and b and not just stayed at our flat?

170 replies

Ohifhemakes · 06/10/2023 05:54

Can’t tell if I’m massively overthinking this and my mind has just jumped to cheating and staying the night with another woman. It’s typical me being paranoid really and not because he has a history. It just seems quite strange.

we own a studio flat which we will definitely upsize when we can but for his birthday he wants to have a night with his 2 best mates, I assumed it would be at ours considering I knew he was hosting it and have planned something for me to do that night (we are doing something together the Friday night) so I’m not there so he will have the place to himself.

he has actually renting a 2 bed/bath place and told me it’s because it’s just more room so they can all comfortably move about and sleep there. Is this normal? My mum has said why doesn’t he just stay in the empty place he owns and I do have to agree. Yes it’s not huge but it’s enough to have a couple of close friends over. He says he doesn’t want to feel claustrophobic and the place he has rented has outside seating etc. £120 mind!

AIBU to think it is a little strange? It’s literally right in our city as well, like a few mins drive so he’s paying £120 to be a couple of minutes away from his empty home? Does this scream suspicious?

OP posts:
uncomfortablydumb53 · 06/10/2023 15:06

I think it's sensible not strange
Even though you won't be there, a studio flat will be very crowded with not much space to spread out/ eat etc
Not to mention queues to use the bathroom
With 2 bedroom/ bathrooms and outdoor space, it sounds ideal
Besides if he was planning anything the slightest bit devious he would rent something away from where you live

Oioicaptain · 06/10/2023 17:06

Just be glad that they're not going to vomit in your toilet. Honestly, you do have trust issues.

CasperGutman · 06/10/2023 17:15

YABU. I wouldn't want to stay the night in a studio flat with two other adults. That certainly wouldn't be my idea of a fun way to spend a birthday!

Elaina87 · 06/10/2023 20:50

Not really suspicious no... where would they all sleep in your studio flat? On the floor or blow up beds? Reasonable they all want a bed.

Simonjt · 07/10/2023 05:11

katepilar · 06/10/2023 10:49

Its normal, OP, to get a bit paranoid if thats the environment you grew up in. It kind of sets up your level of normality. I guess a bit of therapy would help you with this.
I wouldnt find it suspicious but I certainly dont understand this whole partying drinking culture. I also understand that it sounds wasteful to you if you are saving for a bigger flat.
I think he should also up his communications skills as I dont understand why you talked over you arranging being away to give him space for his party and then he rented the other flat.

Surely wasting money on finance for two cars, rather than buying two older cars is more wasteful than one night out with your friends. Even reasonable finance is expensive, with two cars they’re likely wasting around £400 a month combined.

Sueveneers · 07/10/2023 06:37

OP do you have photos of you/him in your flat? Female touches?
Do you know for sure that his mates are going?

Libraryloiterer · 07/10/2023 08:07

Sueveneers · 07/10/2023 06:37

OP do you have photos of you/him in your flat? Female touches?
Do you know for sure that his mates are going?

Oh stop winding her up

saraclara · 07/10/2023 08:08

Sueveneers · 07/10/2023 06:37

OP do you have photos of you/him in your flat? Female touches?
Do you know for sure that his mates are going?

Oh, give over!

Sueveneers · 07/10/2023 08:14

They're genuine questions. OP herself had doubts. If the flat is generic, and she knows the mates are going then it's all above board.

BygoneDays · 07/10/2023 10:10

You know he is having an affair. See if there is some way to send someone around to spy on him and get the evidence. Meanwhile consult a solicitor.

SallyWD · 07/10/2023 10:18

BygoneDays · 07/10/2023 10:10

You know he is having an affair. See if there is some way to send someone around to spy on him and get the evidence. Meanwhile consult a solicitor.

What?!

YourNameGoesHere · 07/10/2023 10:19

BygoneDays · 07/10/2023 10:10

You know he is having an affair. See if there is some way to send someone around to spy on him and get the evidence. Meanwhile consult a solicitor.

Honestly I know people on MN can be paranoid but there is precisely zero fucking evidence that this man is having a bloody affair. Can we stop and remember this is a real person you're telling to end a relationship based on no evidence at all.

RachandO · 07/10/2023 18:13

You expect three grown (young) men to sit in a studio flat all night?! They probably just want to have fun and get wasted and not feel like they're in a prison cell.

saythatagaintome · 07/10/2023 18:31

If I could afford it, I would do exactly what he’s done.

not have to worry about space, cleanup, etc sounds like a nice bday present to me!

op, my husband also spent the night away last night with his old buddy (friend has a lake house and his partner was also away), and I honestly had thoughts of “what if he’s with someone else and it’s a lie”? Mind you, my husband has never given me any reason to suspect he’s a cheater 😂 it’s my own insecurities, really.

if you’re so worried, follow him? 😂

SqueakyRadish · 07/10/2023 18:34

It's a birthday treat! I've considered doing this before, it's like a tiny little holiday for his birthday.

Superscientist · 07/10/2023 18:37

When me and my friends have done similar the visitors have booked the air b and b and the friend in the host city either stays with us without chipping in or goes home. It's usually 6-10 of us so dividing it by 5-9 instead doesn't make as much of an impact as between 2 instead of 3 though

Fitrix29 · 07/10/2023 19:02

This is for his birthday. Apart from the fact that a studio flat is NOT big enough for 3 grown adults, (especially assuming you’re not expecting any of them to share the bed), it’s hardly much of a birthday treat for him to spend the night in at his own flat.

truthhurts23 · 07/10/2023 19:19

there is going to be women there, doubt its going to be a sausage fest

FriedYellowEggs · 07/10/2023 19:27

Cheating in this way really seems like a very unintelligent thing to do.. Possibility of being seen by someone known means they would almost certainly be noticed..

browneyes77 · 07/10/2023 19:29

If he was planning on cheating, I doubt he’d have even told you about the Air BnB.

It’s his birthday and he wants a bit more space with a different 4 walls and outside space, to chill with his friends. Rather than sitting at home. Sounds reasonable to me.

Sinnfei · 07/10/2023 19:48

Yes you're unreasonable, and the reason is: "It’s typical me being paranoid really and not because he has a history." He has no history and you're paranoid. So it's a YOU problem and not a HIM

Blackandwhitemakesgrey · 07/10/2023 20:39

OP Even school kids have phone contracts, I wouldn't see it as debt as much as normal living so I'm with your DP with this one.

Did I read it properly that the studio flat is your home? Whatever about sleeping on a sofa bed, you can't invite two adults to sleep on an armchair and a sofa bed while he takes (your bed). It also means you have to leave your home in order to give them space.

You are only 23, you're not living at all. My advice? Pack in your jobs, rent your flat out and go travelling together before you settle down to a middle age lifestyle. Enjoy life, see new things, broaden your horizons.

Ssme92 · 07/10/2023 20:56

@truthhurts23 wheres the evidence of that? 😂😂

readbooksdrinktea · 07/10/2023 21:02

Your mum's a shit stirrer. Boyfriend shouldn't be paying for your dad's behaviour.

readbooksdrinktea · 07/10/2023 21:03

BygoneDays · 07/10/2023 10:10

You know he is having an affair. See if there is some way to send someone around to spy on him and get the evidence. Meanwhile consult a solicitor.

Wtf?