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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it’s weird dp has booked an air b and b and not just stayed at our flat?

170 replies

Ohifhemakes · 06/10/2023 05:54

Can’t tell if I’m massively overthinking this and my mind has just jumped to cheating and staying the night with another woman. It’s typical me being paranoid really and not because he has a history. It just seems quite strange.

we own a studio flat which we will definitely upsize when we can but for his birthday he wants to have a night with his 2 best mates, I assumed it would be at ours considering I knew he was hosting it and have planned something for me to do that night (we are doing something together the Friday night) so I’m not there so he will have the place to himself.

he has actually renting a 2 bed/bath place and told me it’s because it’s just more room so they can all comfortably move about and sleep there. Is this normal? My mum has said why doesn’t he just stay in the empty place he owns and I do have to agree. Yes it’s not huge but it’s enough to have a couple of close friends over. He says he doesn’t want to feel claustrophobic and the place he has rented has outside seating etc. £120 mind!

AIBU to think it is a little strange? It’s literally right in our city as well, like a few mins drive so he’s paying £120 to be a couple of minutes away from his empty home? Does this scream suspicious?

OP posts:
mindutopia · 06/10/2023 09:44

I think that sounds totally fine. Since about the age of 25, I am over sharing a room with friends. Very likely one of them is a snorer or just an annoying unsettled sleeper when drinking, and no one wants to have to share a room because they are grown ups and not 10 year olds having a sleepover. I would do exactly the same, honestly.

jolies1 · 06/10/2023 09:49

QforCucumber · 06/10/2023 09:39

So where would you be on this night too? maybe he's being considerate, instead of having his friends over and you having to find somewhere else to stay he's doing that so you get to stay in your home for the night!

Yep - he doesn’t have to worry about OP coming back to a mess, coming back early etc. Makes sense to me. I know every penny is important when saving to buy but at only 23 & 24, so is having those life experiences you don’t get so much of any more when you’ve a mortgage and kids. I’d have easily justified £120 for a night out for my birthday at that age

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 06/10/2023 09:54

Ah I missed the outside space. That’s a good consideration for him and mates.

HereForTheFreeLunch · 06/10/2023 09:59

I'd be telling him no way are 3 grown men slobbing around in my studio even if I'm not there.

Forget the beds, I think the 1 bathroom will be the dealbreaker. It's a lot of money if you don't have it - but for a night in a 2bed/bath place £120 is all right.

Goldfish41 · 06/10/2023 10:04

I hate sharing a room with people! I probably wouldn’t go unless this was the arrangement 😂. As adults most people really don’t want to share I’d say, unless perhaps you’re in your 20s, and if you can afford to do that (especially if doing do means you’ll stay in there) it makes a lot of sense.

Goldfish41 · 06/10/2023 10:09

Sorry I missed the fact you live in this studio! So of course he has to go somewhere else - unless you were all planning on bunking down together?

Original poster
Ohifhemakes · 06/10/2023 10:20

I don’t know I guess everyone financial ideas are very different. We have a mortgage, cars on finance/phone contracts and a loan for referbishment we are paying so to me that’s kind of all debt we should be mindful of and spare money can help towards those things, especially when we want a bigger place… so I’m very frugal and consider not having a lot of money because we have more debt than a lot at our age even if it’s helpful debt (maybe the loan for refurbishment isn’t and is something I personally don’t feel comfortable with anyway so try to overpay every month) where as he’s very much oh if I can save £300 this month, I can definitely use £150 of that for things I don’t really need vs using that to overpay loans and says living a little is important and as long as it’s within his means it’s fine… but then I don’t consider it within our means if we have debt. I don’t know. I guess it wasn’t really the point anyway.

I didn’t really mind him being in out studio with friends, he’s a tidy and clean person (more so than me and a bit obsessive with it) so I wasn’t worried about that. After all I live with him lol. We are in our 20s so it’s not like we are an older couple and it doesn’t feel weird to share with friends imo… but then I think we are a bit different with it as he didn’t want to really buy a studio and wanted to rent somewhere bigger until we could afford bigger but that seemed ridiculous to me.

don’t know, good to know it’s not weird or suspicious though and actually quite a normal thing so thank you.

I do need to try and get a hold of my paranoia, I genuinely feel bad about a lot of things/worry but don’t tell him. Even just the way he says something when he’s just woken up, I can let spiral into he doesn’t love me lol. Yeah it’s actually an issue and will try to work on that (i really don’t say it to him; I just go about my day feeling bad)

OP posts:
StillWantingADog · 06/10/2023 10:41

not suspicious at all. I woudnt do it but I can totally see his logic

GreyDress · 06/10/2023 10:43

😂

crosstalk · 06/10/2023 10:46

OP I can see where you're coming from re expense. But about hiring a place - he wants to celebrate with his mates - where would you be if it was at your one bedroom flat? A bit deflating if you're the type that wants a shindig with his mates and your wife's in the bedroom or coming back after a night out. But I would be reminding him he needs to make sure the rental is left in a decent state. Another reason not to live near an AirBnB used as a party pad!

katepilar · 06/10/2023 10:49

Its normal, OP, to get a bit paranoid if thats the environment you grew up in. It kind of sets up your level of normality. I guess a bit of therapy would help you with this.
I wouldnt find it suspicious but I certainly dont understand this whole partying drinking culture. I also understand that it sounds wasteful to you if you are saving for a bigger flat.
I think he should also up his communications skills as I dont understand why you talked over you arranging being away to give him space for his party and then he rented the other flat.

vincettenoir · 06/10/2023 10:53

I agree it’s a bit indulgent but I think his story is plausible enough. We have lived in a couple of one bed flats. The second was big enough to host people in but the first was super tiny and not somewhere for a party.

viques · 06/10/2023 10:53

Maybe one of the friends is an Olympic level snorer, or a night time farter, or a morning bathroom hogger. There comes a time in your life when you don’t have to deal with your friends less pleasant personal habits if you can afford to buy out of the situation.

ManateeFair · 06/10/2023 11:03

I wouldn't choose to share a studio flat with no outside space with two other adults overnight if I didn't have to. If he's renting a two-bed place, two will have a bedroom and the other will be able have the living room to himself for sleeping. They're adults, not 10-year-olds on a sleepover.

I think you're being really weird about this. Even if you think it's a waste of money, it's a hell of a leap to be 'suspicious' about it.

HoppingPavlova · 06/10/2023 11:06

God no, way too cramped for three, and two bathrooms make sense. Not weird at all.

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 06/10/2023 11:10

Why does he need you out the flat if he has booked somewhere else

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 06/10/2023 11:31

Sounds like he just wants more space/ a bit of “luxury” for his birthday. Makes sense if affordable.

BardRelic · 06/10/2023 13:09

I wouldnt find it suspicious but I certainly dont understand this whole partying drinking culture. I also understand that it sounds wasteful to you if you are saving for a bigger flat.

They're both 23. They're way ahead of where most 23 year olds are since they've already got a mortgage. Partying and drinking is fairly normal in your early/ mid 20s. I think the OP is doing well, but a lot of 23/ 24 year olds would find this quite full on. I can understand the need to live a little. But I do think these differences in attitudes to money might end up being more of a problem than anything else.

Softnatural · 06/10/2023 13:30

The outdoor space makes a huge difference, especially if any of them smoke.

Mamabear487 · 06/10/2023 13:35

Defo normal. Your over thinking it

Fupoffyagrasshole · 06/10/2023 14:10

lolz

extramile · 06/10/2023 14:26

If he was cheating, why couldn’t he cheat in the studio? The fact that he’s gone for a property with 2 beds and a sofa bed suggests he’s telling the truth. Why go to all that hassle otherwise?

SallyWD · 06/10/2023 14:36

extramile · 06/10/2023 14:26

If he was cheating, why couldn’t he cheat in the studio? The fact that he’s gone for a property with 2 beds and a sofa bed suggests he’s telling the truth. Why go to all that hassle otherwise?

Exactly!

ThinWomansBrain · 06/10/2023 14:44

the only thing that sounds a bit odd is not going away somewhere different - but if it was because he was having an affair, he'd surely have more sense than to do that so close to home?

Bearcub101 · 06/10/2023 14:46

It’s definitely your paranoia that’s eating you up. I can fully understand why he’s booked a bigger place.

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