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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that my friend was sexting her boyfriend while we were together on holiday

137 replies

Sundaycoffee · 06/10/2023 00:57

In the middle of a group activity/ tour which we had booked to do together. Just before we left her boyfriend decided to send her a dick pic and then she spent half of the tour on her phone sexting him. Everytime i turned to speak to her she had her head down texting. I said get off your phone and she just said, this never happens so it's a priority and i cant not reply. I said I would have thought a special trip abroad with your friend would be just as rare and she said "yeah fair" and laughed it off then carried on. When she finished i asked her if she was "back in the room". I was obviously annoyed but she's so unself aware she didn't even clock that I was upset by it.
I've spoken to her when it was over and told her it upset me and she said the sexual side is an issue in her relationship so she doesn't want to miss the opportunity when it arises as he rarely ever initates anything so doesnt want to turn him down when it does. On this basis, AIBU?

OP posts:
intherough · 06/10/2023 01:22

YANBU!

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 06/10/2023 01:33

She was rude but I kind get it.

Bit iffy that he did it when she was away though.

Catsmere · 06/10/2023 01:35

Gross, I'd be extremely annoyed.

theduchessofspork · 06/10/2023 01:37

Was this all holiday or just that hour?

Original poster
Sundaycoffee · 06/10/2023 01:39

I told her that what annoyed me most is when I asked her to put her phone down and she carried on despite that.
She said she thought I was joking as she didn't think it was "that deep" so carried on. She said its always her initiating and so gets genuinely excited when he shows that side of him so just wants to jump on it when it happens.
I just find it so rude and ended up just walking off with the rest of the group whole she trailed behind on the phone. I also said its bad form on his part to choose that moment (he knew where she was and what she was doing). If my boyfriend was off on an excursion with a friend I would say have a great time- enjoy. Not choose that moment to start sexting him instead!

OP posts:
Original poster
Sundaycoffee · 06/10/2023 01:41

theduchessofspork · 06/10/2023 01:37

Was this all holiday or just that hour?

Just that hour, if it was while she was lying on a sunbed I would have just read my book and ignored it. Just annoyed me that we were supposed to both be participating in an activity together that we paid for and he chose that moment.

OP posts:
FlissyPaps · 06/10/2023 01:47

Sorry OP but I agree with your mate. It really isn’t that deep.

All holiday - then yes I’d understand. But just an hour - leave her to it. Don’t let her being buried in her phone spoil activities.

Telling her to “get off your phone” is really controlling adult to adult.

WereYouListeningToTheDudesStory · 06/10/2023 01:48

If it was only an hour and she's specifically having an issue in her marriage, I think you could have been more generous about it.

Original poster
Sundaycoffee · 06/10/2023 01:55

WereYouListeningToTheDudesStory · 06/10/2023 01:48

If it was only an hour and she's specifically having an issue in her marriage, I think you could have been more generous about it.

It's her boyfriend of 8 months not a marriage....

OP posts:
Original poster
Sundaycoffee · 06/10/2023 01:56

FlissyPaps · 06/10/2023 01:47

Sorry OP but I agree with your mate. It really isn’t that deep.

All holiday - then yes I’d understand. But just an hour - leave her to it. Don’t let her being buried in her phone spoil activities.

Telling her to “get off your phone” is really controlling adult to adult.

You're right, I definitely could have communicated it better

OP posts:
14blackcrows · 06/10/2023 01:58

YABU
honestly it was a tad rude of her but I wouldn't get so wound up about this! You sound like hard work. It's not as tho you were sat alone with her and needed her attention otherwise you've just been sat there. You were surrounded by other friends. Just ignore her and let her get on with it.
This is why I am reluctant to go on friendship group holidays. I've got loads of chilled out friends who wouldn't get up in someone's business like this but then you never know who's going to get precious and controlling suddenly.
Let people enjoy their holiday how they want. You do not need every single person on that holidays undivided attention and energy 24/7 .

RogueFemale · 06/10/2023 02:00

YANBU to be annoyed, anyone would be in your shoes, but it was just for an hour. I once went on holiday with a girlfriend (no longer a friend) and she was being love-bombed by text by a new man and it continued for two weeks, her constantly texting him back or walking off during dinner to have a smoochy chat on the phone.

Original poster
Sundaycoffee · 06/10/2023 02:01

14blackcrows · 06/10/2023 01:58

YABU
honestly it was a tad rude of her but I wouldn't get so wound up about this! You sound like hard work. It's not as tho you were sat alone with her and needed her attention otherwise you've just been sat there. You were surrounded by other friends. Just ignore her and let her get on with it.
This is why I am reluctant to go on friendship group holidays. I've got loads of chilled out friends who wouldn't get up in someone's business like this but then you never know who's going to get precious and controlling suddenly.
Let people enjoy their holiday how they want. You do not need every single person on that holidays undivided attention and energy 24/7 .

It was just me and her. It was a group tour but I didn't know anyone else

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 06/10/2023 02:14

Well he's worked out how to pull her strings, hasn't he? It's actually really disrespectful. Flags are a flying. You won't convince her, so just be there when this finally comes to an end.

Notatallanamechange · 06/10/2023 02:15

Are you a teacher or something? I can’t imagine having the audacity to say to a friend ‘Are you back in the room?’ cause she was texting a bit. Especially since it can’t have been that intense if she was still explaining to you chatting about why she was texting. Intense AF.

WereYouListeningToTheDudesStory · 06/10/2023 02:15

Sundaycoffee · 06/10/2023 01:55

It's her boyfriend of 8 months not a marriage....

Show quote history

That's not really the point. You should be able to manage without her full attention for an hour. You could have chatted to other people or enjoyed the tour peacefully.

You are coming across as quite a suffocating friend.

ThinWomansBrain · 06/10/2023 02:18

yes, rude - but if I was away with someone - presumably a few fays or a week - I wouldn't expect 100% 1:1 attention.
Out for an evening I'd be pissed off.

fivenonrouses · 06/10/2023 02:33

It's no big deal.
Feels like you spoiled the experience for yourself more than anything.
You could have left her to it and enjoyed the rest of the tour with the rest of the group.
Telling her to "get off her phone" and explaining to her that you got annoyed she didn't obey, sounds very controlling to be honest.

Mothership4two · 06/10/2023 03:50

Isn't what I thought sexting was!

Ragwort · 06/10/2023 03:57

Of course it's really rude ... some of these comments are really bizarre.

If you have chosen to do an activity together ... you didn't say what it is but sightseeing, bungee jumping or whatever? It's really rude to then concentrate on something else .. whether it's sexting or even just making a call to someone else ... as you state, different if you are having separate 'downtime' snigger but imagine booking a meal with someone and they clearly prefer to spend the time sexting ? Hmm.

And totally agree that it sounds very controlling of the BF to chose that exact time to contact her ....

MariaLuna · 06/10/2023 04:12

People are obsessed with their phones nowadays.

It's rude when you're in a social setting.

On holiday with a friend and she's sexting it would put me right off her.

Very disrespectful.

IShouldNotBeSurprised · 06/10/2023 04:29

Totally agree with @MariaLuna and @Ragwort .

I have a friend who spends way too much time on her phone when we're out of town. Neither her husband nor her Mom will leave her alone, and she just can't not answer. Thankfully it's a crafting weekend so at least I have something to do while she's on the phone.

I would not be happy if someone was marginally engaged in an outing we planned together.

pinkfondu · 06/10/2023 05:18

Funny how he chose that moment, any other red flags?

AlmostAJillSandwich · 06/10/2023 05:34

Have you been in a relationship with someone who has low libido/won't initiate, it can make you pretty damn insecure even if theres a good reason for it (medical condition, medication side effect etc). You can feel so unattractive/uwanted worry you're pushing them into intimacy they don't really want, and it can really affect your self esteem, so the rare times they do initiate can be a huge deal.
Maybe he chose this moment to be controlling/take her attention from you, which would be shitty, or maybe, it was a genuinely rare moment he actually felt in the mood and went for it for the good of their relationship.
Either way, you were incredibly rude and controlling trying to tell another adult to get off their phone and give you their attention, you could enjoy the tour without her speaking to you.

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/10/2023 06:10

Ponoka7 · 06/10/2023 02:14

Well he's worked out how to pull her strings, hasn't he? It's actually really disrespectful. Flags are a flying. You won't convince her, so just be there when this finally comes to an end.

This. Some of the replies are bonkers, frankly.

Satisfying a man who never initiates during a trip out with a friend... yuk,