To be annoyed that my friend was sexting her boyfriend while we were together on holiday

[Sundaycoffee]

In the middle of a group activity/ tour which we had booked to do together. Just before we left her boyfriend decided to send her a dick pic and then she spent half of the tour on her phone sexting him. Everytime i turned to speak to her she had her head down texting. I said get off your phone and she just said, this never happens so it's a priority and i cant not reply. I said I would have thought a special trip abroad with your friend would be just as rare and she said "yeah fair" and laughed it off then carried on. When she finished i asked her if she was "back in the room". I was obviously annoyed but she's so unself aware she didn't even clock that I was upset by it.
I've spoken to her when it was over and told her it upset me and she said the sexual side is an issue in her relationship so she doesn't want to miss the opportunity when it arises as he rarely ever initates anything so doesnt want to turn him down when it does. On this basis, AIBU?

Bit annoying but cut your friend some slack and be understanding. You seem a bit controlling - her boyfriend also seems to have selfish timing - that girl needs a break?

Very...🤢

Your friend chose to spend an hour of her holiday having bad phone sex (bad for her anyway) with a man who is not meeting her needs. I doubt she was being sexually satisfied, texting the numpty bf while on a tour.

Feel sorry for her.

But, no, you don't correct her behaviour like she's a child. She was being rude, but you knew this behaviour was unusual for her and it was over within an hour. You could have shrugged it off and enjoyed the tour.

Also, you are allowed to speak to people you don't know, and to the tour guide. Lots of people on a tour want to talk to others about what they are seeing.

Exactly what I was thinking. He’s the controlling one. Diverting her attention back to him.
I know someone who does this. If his wife is out with friends or family he rings her with some crisis or other, lost bank card, he’s got a bad back. If she plans a weekend away with family or friends he create stink over it.

I agree with the posters saying he is most likely a self-centred prick. Her sex life is crap and yet she's delighted to get a dick pick and immediately drops everything for him. How exactly was that satisfying for her?

Yab totally u.

You're not the boss of her. She wasn't doing it to be rude. You're spending the whole holiday with her jeez.

I hate it when people think they need to spend every second of time spent together totally tuned in and 'together.' She probably misses her boyfriend and wanted to talk with him. You're being entitled and self absorbed. Did it affect your experience of wherever you were, it's not like she made you not go?

I thinknyoure being silly OPm it was just for that hour. You can't be controlling a friend like that.

Sexting is sending sexually explicit or suggestive texts, it doesn't need to involve anything else.

I can’t believe you told her to “get off her phone” that is really bossy and controlling. I’m with the friend that it’s really not that deep

Now I am very confused. Sexting is just texting?

He was wanking and she was texting as presumably she wasn’t sitting doing anything in front of you on a sun lounger?!

Me too @littleripper so it's rude texting. I was thinking more like phone sex - very 1980s - showing my age! Not that I ever indulged in either!

I wouldn't consider private texts to be an unwilling audience.

I told her that what annoyed me most is when I asked her to put her phone down and she carried on despite that

Is she there to provide you with entertainment? She isn't allowed to contact anyone else at all whilst she is with you?

You have no right to tell her to put her phone down. It was just before you left too so you weren't even away yet.

She has a controlling boyfriend who chooses that specific moment to sext her (red flag), and she has a controlling friend who tells her to "drop the phone". I think your friend needs therapy.

I sometimes think MNHQ manipulate the order of active threads for fun...

Would he have known that the group activity/tour was happening at that time? If so, he's definitely a twat.

Even if he didn't know, can he not just let her have a holiday with her friend? Or at least initiate this later when she makes it clear that she's free?

And he's shit in bed by the sounds of it. Why is your friend even bothering with him? She sounds a bit desperate, willing to miss out on a planned thing with a friend to sext a bloke she's been with for a short time who obviously can't please her in bed.

Yup.

Why is it controlling to be annoyed that you've paid to do an activity with a friend and they spend the whole time sexting their boyfriend?

It was an hour, not the whole holiday.
If my friend told me to out my phone down and then asked if I was "back in the room" I'd be fuming.

I think it's also more weird that you were even aware that they were sexting. I've definitely sent a few raunchy texts when I've been with friends before and nobody has had a clue.

YABU

You have no sympathy for a devastating problem in your friend’s life. She needs to find better friends.

Some of these replies are fucking mental, of course it's incredibly rude to be glued to your phone when you're out at an activity with your friend, even if she wasn't sexting.

As OP said if they were just blobbing on sun loungers it wouldn't be as big a deal, but they were actively supposed to be doing something together. It's very, very rude.

Phone addiction had turned us into right social bellends.

Because she told me. Just as we were waiting to leave she was texting him telling him what we were doing then was like "omg wtf he's just sent me a photo of his dick out of nowhere, that's so random" etc and then later during the trip she said sorry she was still sexting him

Tbh I sext my partner quite a bit at all times of the day, and I sext him at inappropriate moments, it's kind of part of the fun of it, to somehow be getting on with our day in public whilst also having some wildly dirty conversation and feeling like you want to just abandon ship and jump your partner but you can't because you are doing other things, that said if I was with a friend i would reply teasingly and leave him hanging for quite a while until a time my friend wasn't wanting me to so present and I think that's what she should have done. She could have just sent the occasional message not sat glued to the interaction. It's more fun like that anyway waiting for the other person to text back.

So it was rude of her, but that said I also don't think it's that deep, it was just an hour, and I really think telling her to get off her phone was also rude and I wouldn't take that kindly to another adult telling me to get off my phone tbh. I would have just let her get on with it and enjoyed the activity for myself personally.

Is this normal now??