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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that my friend was sexting her boyfriend while we were together on holiday

137 replies

Sundaycoffee · 06/10/2023 00:57

In the middle of a group activity/ tour which we had booked to do together. Just before we left her boyfriend decided to send her a dick pic and then she spent half of the tour on her phone sexting him. Everytime i turned to speak to her she had her head down texting. I said get off your phone and she just said, this never happens so it's a priority and i cant not reply. I said I would have thought a special trip abroad with your friend would be just as rare and she said "yeah fair" and laughed it off then carried on. When she finished i asked her if she was "back in the room". I was obviously annoyed but she's so unself aware she didn't even clock that I was upset by it.
I've spoken to her when it was over and told her it upset me and she said the sexual side is an issue in her relationship so she doesn't want to miss the opportunity when it arises as he rarely ever initates anything so doesnt want to turn him down when it does. On this basis, AIBU?

OP posts:
crumblingschools · 06/10/2023 15:04

Seriously you think it is fine to be sexting during a stargazing tour, you must have low standards @Cowlover89

OhNoForever · 06/10/2023 15:05

I cannot imagine sexting without some privacy 🤮 isn't the point that it's at least arousing? Does your pal have an exhibitionist streak?

Am I sexting wrong?

misses point

Nonplusultra · 06/10/2023 15:10

She sounds like she has very poor boundaries.

Sexting him on command
Openly discussing sexting him with you
Accepting a friend speaking to her like you did.

Ragwort · 06/10/2023 17:42

Even more shocking that it was a stargazing tour. Some people just have no manners or understanding of basic etiquette.

DingDongDenny · 06/10/2023 18:20

I can't tell you how annoyed I'd be if I was on that tour with someone texting - even more if I knew they were choosing dick pics over stargazing

Evaka · 06/10/2023 18:32

YANBU OP. He sounds like a pig and she sounds far too eager to please him.

Freubarch · 06/10/2023 20:32

Not a big deal in my opinion. Nurturing a relationship (especially where they may be some intimacy issues) is important and just because you're away it doesn't mean a relationship is put on hold.
I, for one, would be extremely annoyed if a friend barked an order at me to get off my phone as I am an adult with the freedom to use my phone when I need.
I do think it's a bit rude she was on the phone but definitely not worth you getting upset over it.
Her choice as an adult was to not be very present during the tour, you can still enjoy it though.

Frazzledmummy123 · 06/10/2023 21:21

Yanbu. That sounds grim, why woild she even tell you he had sent a dick pic and was sexting. It was also very bad manners during the tour.

Thankfully though it was only a hour though. I went on holiday with a friend once who was in a new relationship. She spent the entire holiday texting (possibly sexting but thankfully she didn't say) her boyfriend and when not in touch with him, pining for him. She didn't want to do much and only time I saw her smile.was when she came off a call to him 🙄

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 07/10/2023 00:39

I can't believe some of these posts! What she did was totally grim. Her boyfriend sounds vile and controlling.

I had an ex like him. The only time he ever showed loads of interest was when I was out with friends. Thats when the texts would come thick and fast. He just couldn't stand the fact I was out without him and wanted to make sure I kept my attention on him. I dumped his sorry arse.

Your friend is deluded if she thinks she has to jump when her boyfriend decides he needs a wank. You had every right to be pissed off at her behaviour. She needs to wake up and realise that he's playing her.

Toenailz · 07/10/2023 03:21

YABU and weird as fuck.

If my mates even asked who/what I was texting, I'd tell them to keep their nose out of my bloody business. She shouldnt have to be explaining to you how rare it is that her OH makes a move, because you're pulling her up about being on her phone.

I get being frustrated with people constantly glued to their phones, but then, I wouldn't be friends with such folk anyway. You said it's a one off. Who do you think you are to control what she does, who she talks to, when, and what about? Absolute weirdo. If it was annoying you ask her if she can put the phone on silent so you can enjoy the activity, and just leave her to it?

One thing I do agree about is his timing was well chosen and deliberate. That's by the by. Stop trying to control your friends - I genuinely cannot imagine chastising any of my friends for being on their phone!

intherough · 07/10/2023 05:05

Toenailz · 07/10/2023 03:21

YABU and weird as fuck.

If my mates even asked who/what I was texting, I'd tell them to keep their nose out of my bloody business. She shouldnt have to be explaining to you how rare it is that her OH makes a move, because you're pulling her up about being on her phone.

I get being frustrated with people constantly glued to their phones, but then, I wouldn't be friends with such folk anyway. You said it's a one off. Who do you think you are to control what she does, who she talks to, when, and what about? Absolute weirdo. If it was annoying you ask her if she can put the phone on silent so you can enjoy the activity, and just leave her to it?

One thing I do agree about is his timing was well chosen and deliberate. That's by the by. Stop trying to control your friends - I genuinely cannot imagine chastising any of my friends for being on their phone!

WOW Confused

intherough · 07/10/2023 05:08

Also can't believe some of these replies. OP again... YANBU. It was incredibly inconsiderate of her.

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 07/10/2023 05:10

I mean, it’s annoying but I see her point. It’s not a big deal and honestly it’s a bit controlling of you to think you can dictate whether or not she texts her boyfriend while you’re out together?

Ragwort · 07/10/2023 07:40

baby - you don't think it's a big deal that someone is sexting on a stargazing tour?
It doesn't sound like she'd discreetly moved away from the rest of the tour.

And as for a PP's comments about 'nurturing a relationship where there are intimacy issues' .... why do (some) women feel they need to respond to their BF's sexual whims at a totally inappropriate time & place. Hmm

Can you imagine this in any other setting ... a wedding, at work etc ... would you still be responding with "it's really not a big deal, the OP can talk to other people".

Cin69 · 07/10/2023 07:42

He would have known exactly what he was doing ,both of them are disrespectful and she is not a good friend It's a holiday together or you would have gone on your own. They need to grow up and sort their issues out at home not on your time. By the sounds of it he is using their personal relations to control her and she's feeding into it .

RandomButtons · 07/10/2023 07:45

pinkfondu · 06/10/2023 05:18

Funny how he chose that moment, any other red flags?

This!

Potentially controlling behaviour here from boyfriend. Watch out for other red flags.

MayThe4th · 07/10/2023 08:09

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 07/10/2023 05:10

I mean, it’s annoying but I see her point. It’s not a big deal and honestly it’s a bit controlling of you to think you can dictate whether or not she texts her boyfriend while you’re out together?

You do know that there is a difference between texting and sexting don’t you?

nobody said that the friend shouldn’t be texting her boyfriend. But sexting in public is just fucking grim, and I personally would be re-thinking the friendship.

And any man who sent me pictures of his dick while I was out with a friend would soon become an ex.

LlynTegid · 07/10/2023 08:48

Wrong choice of words I think, right to be annoyed. There is a time to not look at your phone.

Ragwort · 07/10/2023 08:51

May I think some posters are just incapable of reading the thread ...

mrsmingleton · 07/10/2023 08:53

Tell her he is a narc - this is typical behaviour by them. "Hallo remember me - I want you to think about me"

SamW98 · 07/10/2023 08:56

Ragwort · 06/10/2023 03:57

Of course it's really rude ... some of these comments are really bizarre.

If you have chosen to do an activity together ... you didn't say what it is but sightseeing, bungee jumping or whatever? It's really rude to then concentrate on something else .. whether it's sexting or even just making a call to someone else ... as you state, different if you are having separate 'downtime' snigger but imagine booking a meal with someone and they clearly prefer to spend the time sexting ? Hmm.

And totally agree that it sounds very controlling of the BF to chose that exact time to contact her ....

Totally agree. You are NBU OP she was very very rude and I agree it does seem like the BF knew exactly what he was doing to control her attention away from her holiday.

Jealous she’d gone away without him I would say

Janieforever · 07/10/2023 08:57

I feel both you and her partner behaved in a controlling manner, I feel quite sorry for her, both trying to get her attention. I feel sorry for her.

Bex5490 · 07/10/2023 09:19

Irritating but no big deal - I met my DH 2 months before going travelling with my best friends for 3 months who were pretty annoyed with my constant texting and video calls…

6 years later and I think they get it. They’ve been together 8 months in honeymoon phase. Don’t think 1 hour or dick pic inspired messaging out of the whole holiday is anything to complain about 🤷🏽‍♀️

Ragwort · 07/10/2023 11:22

@Bex ... you honestly can't see how inappropriate it is to look at dick pics during a stargazing tour Hmm?

Bex5490 · 07/10/2023 11:27

Not if no1 else could see it…obviously if she’s waving around the pecker pics then that’s inappropriate but the only reason OP knew what the messages were was because she asked…they sound young - are they in their 20s? In my twenties I was far more interested in penises than stars tbh 😂