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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that my friend was sexting her boyfriend while we were together on holiday

137 replies

Sundaycoffee · 06/10/2023 00:57

In the middle of a group activity/ tour which we had booked to do together. Just before we left her boyfriend decided to send her a dick pic and then she spent half of the tour on her phone sexting him. Everytime i turned to speak to her she had her head down texting. I said get off your phone and she just said, this never happens so it's a priority and i cant not reply. I said I would have thought a special trip abroad with your friend would be just as rare and she said "yeah fair" and laughed it off then carried on. When she finished i asked her if she was "back in the room". I was obviously annoyed but she's so unself aware she didn't even clock that I was upset by it.
I've spoken to her when it was over and told her it upset me and she said the sexual side is an issue in her relationship so she doesn't want to miss the opportunity when it arises as he rarely ever initates anything so doesnt want to turn him down when it does. On this basis, AIBU?

OP posts:
crumblingschools · 06/10/2023 09:32

So he definitely knew you were on a tour. How grim

AngelinaFibres · 06/10/2023 09:40

I can absolutely see your point of view. I am older (58) and married for 20 years so the whole dick pic thing has passed me by. I can see why you would think it was perhaps rude to be sitting next to someone who is looking at a picture of their boyfriends penis and sexting. I would feel just like you did but I expect I would try to ' grey rock' it and enjoy the tour I had paid for and take in what I was being told and ignore the fact that my friend had mentally opted out at that point. Good that it was only an hour of your trip. Also good that she didn't ( I'm assuming ) lift her skirt and send him a picture of her bits and bobs whilst you were sitting next to each other on your tour. Now that would have been a step too far.

Otterock · 06/10/2023 09:43

YANBU to be a bit annoyed. YABU to scold her like a child and go on about it. If she’s happy to miss out on things then let her crack on. Don’t let it spoil things for you

JennaLi · 06/10/2023 09:58

It's rude of her, her relationship is a joke if they need sexting 8 months in because of issues. He knew what he was doing while she was away with friends, she's gullible as fuck. It's grim.

Ps, also if a friend told me to "get off my phone" I'd think get to fuck.

DuvetsAndDreams · 06/10/2023 10:00

You were pretty rude to her. Are you in a relationship or single btw?

I feel sorry for her. How utterly tragic that she is regarding a photo of her boyfriend’s penis as a once-in-a-lifetime treat, not to be missed. She needs to raise her standards.

fuckssaaaaake · 06/10/2023 10:00

That's so weird

readbooksdrinktea · 06/10/2023 10:07

Notatallanamechange · 06/10/2023 02:15

Are you a teacher or something? I can’t imagine having the audacity to say to a friend ‘Are you back in the room?’ cause she was texting a bit. Especially since it can’t have been that intense if she was still explaining to you chatting about why she was texting. Intense AF.

This.

user1497207191 · 06/10/2023 10:13

YANBU.

Given what she says, it almost sounds as if he doing the coercive control thing, i.e. when he knows she's about to do something with her friends, he suddenly decided to up the ante and make it all about him, not her friends.

FlowFle · 06/10/2023 11:05

DuvetsAndDreams · 06/10/2023 10:00

You were pretty rude to her. Are you in a relationship or single btw?

I feel sorry for her. How utterly tragic that she is regarding a photo of her boyfriend’s penis as a once-in-a-lifetime treat, not to be missed. She needs to raise her standards.

yes, this

MimiSunshine · 06/10/2023 12:36

user1497207191 · 06/10/2023 10:13

YANBU.

Given what she says, it almost sounds as if he doing the coercive control thing, i.e. when he knows she's about to do something with her friends, he suddenly decided to up the ante and make it all about him, not her friends.

It read to me like he purposely chose that moment

Mamai90 · 06/10/2023 13:23

YABU.

You sound difficult. I doubt I'd have barely noticed if it was me, or would have had a giggle about it!

It wasn't the whole holiday, it was an hour! I agree with a PP that telling another adult to get off their phone is controlling.

roarrfeckingroar · 06/10/2023 13:33

I think you were very unreasonable, rude and needy.

It was for one hour! Chat to other people on the tour?

MayThe4th · 06/10/2023 13:45

I would like to know how we ever got to a point in life where it was considered sexy for a man to send someone a picture of his dick. I mean…

I think sending and receiving dick pics in private is bad enough. In public is just bloody grim.

Ragwort · 06/10/2023 13:51

Of course it's rude of the 'friend' ... I am amazed at some of these comments, you'd really be happy to do a joint activity on holiday (maybe it would help if the OP explained what the activity was) and the person you were with was merrily sexting away Hmm?
The OP has clarified it was not during their 'downtime', when they might have been back in their hotel room or just by the pool .. but during a specific activity they had booked and paid for.

5128gap · 06/10/2023 14:04

Any women who feels she must jump to please a man, on his whim in his time, is not respecting herself.
Any woman who does that in time she's agreed to spend with a friend is not respecting her friend either.

Original poster
Sundaycoffee · 06/10/2023 14:37

It was a stargazing tour so it was obvious she had zoned out as we were all standing in the pitch black in a canyon looking up at the stars and she was looking down and texting which was a bit of a distraction to have this light shining out in the darkness, if nothing else! Maybe I should have just ignored it but I suppose there was also that sense of feeling that other people might also find it a bit distracting and also the astronomer who was taking the tour to be talking to a group in total darkness with just this one person obviously texting on their phone through the whole thing

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 06/10/2023 14:39

Surely on a stargazing tour there is a no phone rule?

OurRotatingPlanet · 06/10/2023 14:45

I agree with you Op, really annoying behaviour. Also pretty grim to be openly sexting a partner in a group environment like that. Disrespectful to the person taking the tour as well. I can't believe people are defending it to be honest.

Even if it was just a text conversation I would be annoyed. Is it too much to ask that people are present with the people they are with these days and not constantly on their phone.

If this is out of character for the boyfriend, I would also wonder if he meant to send the picture to her or someone else.

IfYouDontAsk · 06/10/2023 14:48

She’s disgusting. Do it in private and don’t involve your friends in your sex life.

Acornsoup · 06/10/2023 14:49

Why was he trying to sabotage her trip? Must he be the focus of everyday? And why do you know what they were texting?

AgnesX · 06/10/2023 14:49

Yuk, it's tacky. His timing sounds quite suspect if he normally can't be bothered.

Cowlover89 · 06/10/2023 14:50

Yabu

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/10/2023 14:56

Crunchymum · 06/10/2023 14:39

Surely on a stargazing tour there is a no phone rule?

If there isn't, there should be.

Unfortunately so many rules have to be written because people don't have common sense or manners. Texting on a stargazing tour is clearly not OK.

Fleabane · 06/10/2023 14:58

That's so rude and inconsiderate. Not only to you but all the other people and the astronomer leading the session.

Dogfureverywhere · 06/10/2023 14:59

I reckon he purposefully chose that moment when he knew shed be busy to make it all abour him. Maybe he wasn't happy she was on holiday without him