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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that my friend was sexting her boyfriend while we were together on holiday

137 replies

Sundaycoffee · 06/10/2023 00:57

In the middle of a group activity/ tour which we had booked to do together. Just before we left her boyfriend decided to send her a dick pic and then she spent half of the tour on her phone sexting him. Everytime i turned to speak to her she had her head down texting. I said get off your phone and she just said, this never happens so it's a priority and i cant not reply. I said I would have thought a special trip abroad with your friend would be just as rare and she said "yeah fair" and laughed it off then carried on. When she finished i asked her if she was "back in the room". I was obviously annoyed but she's so unself aware she didn't even clock that I was upset by it.
I've spoken to her when it was over and told her it upset me and she said the sexual side is an issue in her relationship so she doesn't want to miss the opportunity when it arises as he rarely ever initates anything so doesnt want to turn him down when it does. On this basis, AIBU?

OP posts:
tiredmama23 · 07/10/2023 11:32

I said get off your phone

Can't imagine saying this to another adult.

MayThe4th · 07/10/2023 11:58

I find some of these responses truly bizarre.

Ok, so apparently it’s now commonplace for men to share pictures of their dicks and for women to find that a turn on. Personally I don’t see the appeal but whatever floats yer boat.

But whatever happened to common decency? There’s a time and a place for this kind of thing, and the time and the place is in private. nowhere else.

Sexting is essentially the same as watching porn, and I don’t think anyone would advocate for that in public would they?

Bex5490 · 07/10/2023 12:08

MayThe4th · 07/10/2023 11:58

I find some of these responses truly bizarre.

Ok, so apparently it’s now commonplace for men to share pictures of their dicks and for women to find that a turn on. Personally I don’t see the appeal but whatever floats yer boat.

But whatever happened to common decency? There’s a time and a place for this kind of thing, and the time and the place is in private. nowhere else.

Sexting is essentially the same as watching porn, and I don’t think anyone would advocate for that in public would they?

How is it the same as watching porn?

Sending dirty messages to someone you’re in a relationship with (when no one can see your screen) is hardly the same as watching a porn video which someone could see or hear.

Some people (gasps of horror) actually have sex in public 😂😂😂.

I think on the scale of shocking sexual acts sexting someone out of the house is no big deal and affects nobody but those involved.

FlowFle · 07/10/2023 16:18

MayThe4th · 07/10/2023 11:58

I find some of these responses truly bizarre.

Ok, so apparently it’s now commonplace for men to share pictures of their dicks and for women to find that a turn on. Personally I don’t see the appeal but whatever floats yer boat.

But whatever happened to common decency? There’s a time and a place for this kind of thing, and the time and the place is in private. nowhere else.

Sexting is essentially the same as watching porn, and I don’t think anyone would advocate for that in public would they?

I agree with you. it's weird

BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 07/10/2023 16:23

I think the stargazing / darkness context changes a lot - the fact that there was a guide etc and other people trying to enjoy the dark just makes it really rude of her.

ReturnOfTheRainMac · 07/10/2023 20:44

You were still able to enjoy it. Who the fuck are you to tell her to put her phone away? You're massively unreasonable

MayThe4th · 07/10/2023 21:16

Bex5490 · 07/10/2023 12:08

How is it the same as watching porn?

Sending dirty messages to someone you’re in a relationship with (when no one can see your screen) is hardly the same as watching a porn video which someone could see or hear.

Some people (gasps of horror) actually have sex in public 😂😂😂.

I think on the scale of shocking sexual acts sexting someone out of the house is no big deal and affects nobody but those involved.

Show quote history

it’s not just dirty texts though. We’re talking dick pics and the like.

So while it may not be like watching a porn video it’s like reading a porno mag.

As for people who have sex in public, they’re generally exhibitionists with no standards.

MayThe4th · 07/10/2023 21:19

ReturnOfTheRainMac · 07/10/2023 20:44

You were still able to enjoy it. Who the fuck are you to tell her to put her phone away? You're massively unreasonable

the one who is unreasonable is the bf for sending dick pics to his gf who he is constantly turning down for sex, at a time when he knows she’s out in a public place, and is so desperate for his attention that she feels she has no option but to respond.

And again, it’s not texting it’s sexting *vast difference.

i might not have told her t put her phone away but I’d probably be telling her to get some fucking self respect.

Bex5490 · 07/10/2023 21:29

I just don’t see how it’s harming anyone if no1 can see - each to their own…everyone is so quick to judge people and their ‘decency.’ Who cares if it’s not hurting anyone 🤷🏽‍♀️

MirandaWest · 07/10/2023 21:37

I feel like a lot of people haven’t read the whole thread.

They we’re on a star gazing tour. In the dark. And her friend was texting with a phone with (presumably) a lit up screen. That would have been distracting. Plus it was an activity she was meant to be enjoying with the OP not texting. The sexting bit is a bit of a distraction from the fact she couldn’t manage to concentrate on the activity she was doing with a person who was actually there.

YANBU

SamW98 · 07/10/2023 21:44

MirandaWest · 07/10/2023 21:37

I feel like a lot of people haven’t read the whole thread.

They we’re on a star gazing tour. In the dark. And her friend was texting with a phone with (presumably) a lit up screen. That would have been distracting. Plus it was an activity she was meant to be enjoying with the OP not texting. The sexting bit is a bit of a distraction from the fact she couldn’t manage to concentrate on the activity she was doing with a person who was actually there.

YANBU

I agree. There’s plenty of other times during the trip that the friend could have slipped off on her own and sexted with her bf. Doing it during a group activity is completely inappropriate imo.

It does feel to me like the bf did it deliberately at that time to control his gf’s time away from him.

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 08/10/2023 13:28

It does feel to me like the bf did it deliberately at that time to control his gf’s time away from him

Agreed.

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