Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that my friend was sexting her boyfriend while we were together on holiday

137 replies

Sundaycoffee · 06/10/2023 00:57

In the middle of a group activity/ tour which we had booked to do together. Just before we left her boyfriend decided to send her a dick pic and then she spent half of the tour on her phone sexting him. Everytime i turned to speak to her she had her head down texting. I said get off your phone and she just said, this never happens so it's a priority and i cant not reply. I said I would have thought a special trip abroad with your friend would be just as rare and she said "yeah fair" and laughed it off then carried on. When she finished i asked her if she was "back in the room". I was obviously annoyed but she's so unself aware she didn't even clock that I was upset by it.
I've spoken to her when it was over and told her it upset me and she said the sexual side is an issue in her relationship so she doesn't want to miss the opportunity when it arises as he rarely ever initates anything so doesnt want to turn him down when it does. On this basis, AIBU?

OP posts:
GoodVibesHere · 06/10/2023 06:17

An 8 month relationship with a lack of sex...their problems are unlikely to be solved by sending text messages to each other, I'd say. All very odd!

I think she was rude to carry on after you asked her not to. I'd have been mortified if I was her. Was the tour a bit boring? I do tend to zone out if a group activity gets boring, but I wouldn't pick up my phone, that's rude.

SUCkythings · 06/10/2023 06:18

Was she horny? Did she miss him? Op no offence but t you can’t police someone else’s relationship

saffronsoup · 06/10/2023 06:20

How long were the two you away for? I am not clear is this group activity was part of a longer holiday or just a one time activity.

if it was part of a longer holiday then I think you are in the wrong. I doubt he checked an itinerary to see what you were doing at the exact moment. Maybe she had made a comment to him at some point about wanting to know he was thinking I her while away etc

if this was just a one day thing then he was being unreasonable.

saffronsoup · 06/10/2023 06:22

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/10/2023 06:10

This. Some of the replies are bonkers, frankly.

Satisfying a man who never initiates during a trip out with a friend... yuk,

Show quote history

Maybe she likes it. Maybe she has sent him pics or sexy texts when he is away on holiday with friends.

we don’t have enough information to know their relationship and what she likes or doesn’t. We don’t even know how long this holiday was.

Whataretheodds · 06/10/2023 06:22

It was a group tour but I didn't know anyone else
Why did it matter for 1 hour if you were on a tour at that time? Presumably you were listening to the guide

Mumdiva99 · 06/10/2023 06:25

Nor me.....@Mothership4two

Surely she was just texting.....

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/10/2023 06:28

Maybe she likes it. Maybe she has sent him pics or sexy texts when he is away on holiday with friends.

If they need an unwilling audience to feel horny, that's not OK. Other people don't consent to being involved in their odd dynamic. It's rude, and not in a good way.

FrangipaniBlue · 06/10/2023 06:35

Ponoka7 · 06/10/2023 02:14

Well he's worked out how to pull her strings, hasn't he? It's actually really disrespectful. Flags are a flying. You won't convince her, so just be there when this finally comes to an end.

Exactly what I was going to say.

Quite controlling on his part.

HowAmYa · 06/10/2023 06:35

Wtf is with the replies?!

Fine maybe you didn't articulate yourself well.

Shes on holiday, on the lounger fine. But while you're both out doing something together its a bit off for her to be neck deep in her phone - I've been around people who do this and it's so fucking rude! I'd rather be alone than try and talk and do something together. It's terribly annoying.

Also - why did he choose to do this while she's busy? She's on holiday, any normal person would wait till they know their partner is free to msg ie in bed/on lounger. Who the fuck sends a dick pic when to their gf while she's out with her mates?

They've been together 8 months, and they already have a bucket load of issues. Terribly immature.

angsanana · 06/10/2023 06:37

Notatallanamechange · 06/10/2023 02:15

Are you a teacher or something? I can’t imagine having the audacity to say to a friend ‘Are you back in the room?’ cause she was texting a bit. Especially since it can’t have been that intense if she was still explaining to you chatting about why she was texting. Intense AF.

Exactly this. And "get off your phone" - she's not a child! I also very much doubt that the boyfriend had remembered your itinerary and did it on purpose...

squashi · 06/10/2023 06:40

I don't think a friend being on their phone would bother me if we were on holiday together, but the sexting stuff is a bit icky! And she sounds pretty self-absorbed & not great company, so perhaps you won't want to go with her again.

EthicalNonMahogany · 06/10/2023 06:42

It's the fact she told you about it, and him having a wank was clearly prioritised above you. That's the rude bit and why you were all snarky "Are you back in the room?" etc.

ArtG · 06/10/2023 06:43

Unless she started twanging her banjo in the same room as me I don’t think I’d feel entitled to take exception to this, even if I felt a bit miffed. I’d just think “Fine. You crack on, I’ll read my book or listen to a podcast or whatever “.

Fleabane · 06/10/2023 06:44

It's rude and a bit grim.

HernesEgg · 06/10/2023 06:47

You don’t get to police her relationship or her phone habits because you’re on holiday together. Both sound far from ideal, but not your call.

WaltzingWaters · 06/10/2023 06:48

Hmm. I mean the being engrossed in messaging him for an hour wouldn’t particularly bother me, it’s rather rude timing whilst on a trip but I get her point if it’s rare he initiates stuff and I’d just ignore her back and carry on with the tour myself.

I’d be more concerned on the red flags of his timings there. Could be nothing, but could be that he was jealous and controlling and trying to keep her from enjoying time without him.

X6hfyib4ms · 06/10/2023 06:52

To me, you sound quite needy and personally I wouldn't want to repeat a holiday with you.

It doesn't matter the it's only been 8 months everyone's relationship needs a bit of TLC sometimes.

If you'd met up for lunch for an hour and she did this then fine to be annoyed but you're in holiday, you can't expect to spend every waking hour together.

I don't see a red flag in their relationship either, I'm sure he was just feeling horny and shared that with his gf who's on holiday, not like she's in a presentation at work.

WonderingWanda · 06/10/2023 06:55

Honestly, irrespective of what she was doing on her phone I think if my friend told me to put my phone away I'd be really pissed off. She's an adult and it isn't your job to police her phone usage.

asosStalker · 06/10/2023 06:58

Notatallanamechange · 06/10/2023 02:15

Are you a teacher or something? I can’t imagine having the audacity to say to a friend ‘Are you back in the room?’ cause she was texting a bit. Especially since it can’t have been that intense if she was still explaining to you chatting about why she was texting. Intense AF.

Yeah this. You aren’t her mum or her teacher. Fair enough to feel a bit miffed but it’s not a huge issue.

CharlieUniformNovemberTangoYankee · 06/10/2023 07:00

The boyfriend is a manipulative prick

Fleabane · 06/10/2023 07:02

I can't believe how many people think women should drop what they're doing because a man says his penis needs some attention. It's really desperate

autiebooklover · 06/10/2023 07:03

I wonder if it's coincidence her dp has upped the ante while she's away. I'm with you it's very rude. If it had been at a time you weren't doing an activity say in the room then fair enough but what she did was inconsiderate and I suspect her dp is making sure she is not enjoying herself without him

FlowFle · 06/10/2023 07:08

Mothership4two · 06/10/2023 03:50

Isn't what I thought sexting was!

me either! how the hell do you sext whilst in a group of people??

Nicole1111 · 06/10/2023 07:08

Definitely a rude and questionable decision by your friend and it does sound like her boyfriend might be controlling if he definitely knew what she was doing at the time. That said she’s also got a controlling friend so maybe she just gravitates towards people who try and control her 😬

OneQuestionBefore · 06/10/2023 07:09

EEWWW!

YANBU