Anyone else regret being a stay at home parent? I feel awful

[Icantdothisss]

Ds is only 1! But I honestly wish I was back at work. I feel like a terrible mum. I do enjoy some days with him, but it’s mostly when they are fully packed and meeting other people and it all goes to plan. But it’s genuinely impossible to do this every day! Firstly, not always is another mum free, and it’s way more expensive than I thought it would be. Even entries into little farms etc all adds up. I end up buying a coffee I barely drink as I’m just so stressed out from actually getting us both out to the venue.

Like I say I don’t feel like this everyday but I don’t ever feel I really ‘miss’ ds… it’s full on from the word go and I honestly sometimes go to sleep thinking how nice it would be to quietly log on to my laptop and join a team meeting with a hot tea in peace! I know the grass isn’t always greener but I do regret staying at home. Do you think I would regret it if I went back to work? My company have said I could go back four days a week but that’s the only hours they have, no more or no less.

Urgh I feel so conflicted!

Go back, I think one year is quite a long time to take maternity leave. I went back after 14 months and loved being back at work. I thought I would enjoy being a stay at home mum but didn’t. It’s ok to realise that.

I went back full-time (only option available for the job I was doing) when DD was 7 months and gave up work to become a SAHM when DS was born about a year later. I then didn't return to work until DS2 started school. That was part-time, increasing to full-time as the DC became more independent, so I never needed to use childcare.

When I look back at my time as a mum, I have so many happy memories of time spent with the DC, but acknowledge it was hard at times and certainly money was scarce. I don't have the same happy memories of the times I was working, but acknowledge I will have enjoyed the company other other adults and the money was useful. But overall, I am so happy to have been able to give my time to the DC.

I would go back. Many of us aren't cut out to be SAHP and that is perfectly fine. Ignore the guilt tripping from other mother's you might get.

You have nothing to lose by going back to work and giving it a try. If you are not happier then you can think again. SAH is not for everyone. I certainly couldn't have done it.

if you're going to be a sahm you need to encourage independent play so you can spend more time at home. I have catagories of play in my head and I'll try get some table play in once a day. Play doh, colouring, kinetic sand. Anything that has them sitting at a table whilst I can do bits in the kitchen. The nap is sacred time. It cannot be for tidying or jobs. It's for real housewives and any other form of our shite tv. I'd try eat lunch with him as well to further maximize sitting down time during the nap. I'd get him to help with certain jobs as well sorting clothes and wardrobes and all sorts.

Would it be worth it financially to go back to work? Would you have to put him in nursery?

It sounds as if you'd be happier going back. I went back 3 days per week when DD was 9 months old and recently started doing 4 days now she's 5. It's preferable to the school run! I'm lucky though as I have my Mum.

Go back to work. If you can afford to be a SAHM then you can always change your mind again.

12 months was enough for me and I went back 4 days a week. Is childcare sorted?

If it doesn’t work out you can leave. It will get a bit more difficult to get back into the job market the longer you are out so go back and try it and see if you can find the right balance for you.

Go back, can you get him into a nursery or childminder? I would never have been cut out to be a sahm, I went back 4 days a week (I’m still 4 days 10 years later!). So we had weekends and my day off together, which was lovely and gave us a nice balance.

I think I'd record how often you feel like that over a couple of weeks, and then use that to make a decision.

I've definitely had periods of a few weeks where I've strongly debated nursery or found it rough going; but most of the time, it passes. I'm self-employed; so am home with DS in the day and then work nap-time/evenings.

A key part of it for me is balancing the days. House days don't work for us; so I went on a bit of a mission and listed out all the classes we could do by day, and then all the free activities, and then the general any-time stuff like going to the park. We did trial sessions for various classes to find ones he liked, and then we fill in the week like that. He does one or two paid classes a week; which are usually £6 - 8, we tend to do a "bigger" thing every fortnight or so like a farm, and then we fill the rest in with free stuff, but we go out twice a day without fail if we're home - something in the morning, something in the afternoon. DS needs the stimulation, and the people. Then he sleeps better, and I get more of a rest, and there's less upsets. We only have company one or two days a week.

What goes wrong with getting out of the house? I'd work on how you can make that easier. Nappy bag packed day before? Bulk-make snacks?

But as I said, we have to go out every day, there are no other options. If we stayed in, it'd be fucking hard work.

There's no harm in going back to work if you want to, though. Be careful that it's not a grass-is-greener situation - zoom calls with a hot tea are a rarity for me! - and that it'd work out with childcare etc; but it's not always the wrong call. I'm a big believer in doing what makes you happy, because happy mums are the best mums.

I work 3 days a week and miss my DD at work but then am glad for the adult brain time. Some mornings I’m secretly glad it’s a work day as I just can’t face entertaining her all day, cute as she is. However after a few days work I’m ready to be all out enthusiastic again! I do think 4 days would be a perfect balance.

I think it gets easier as they get into crafts and going around a soft play. With a younger child you’ve played with every toy in the house by 9.30am.

Btw I think a massive thing is the parenting standards we have in our generation. On my days off I am always doing things with her, and going places, giving her lots of 1:1 interaction all day. Maybe if I was home all the time I’d have to drop that and just let her toddle about whilst I did chores.

I wasn't enjoying staying home during my maternity leave and I was so excited to return to work. I am SAHM now and this 2nd time around is more enjoyable as I got to work between and didn't want it anymore.

Go back!

I chose to stay at home and within about three weeks was bored shitless, and went back to work three days.

Nobody is judging you and you won't get a medal for staying at home either.

Go back. This really is the crux of it. You lose nothing by giving it a go.

Regret no but I chose to go back when my child was nearly a year old 3 days a week

I went back 3 days a week and still struggled on my 2 days off a week when DS was 1-4. I found mat leave lonely, melancholy (winter baby) and dull. I'm a better mum for it.

I went back to work 3 days a week when my daughter was one, SAHM wasn't an option for financial reasons and I also wanted to keep my foot in the door of my career. However within 6 months it was painfully obvious it didn't suit me or our family, went full time just before she turned 2 and have never looked back. She's now 3, goes to nursery 4 days a week and we juggle one day between us and my mum. I'm more content and fulfilled, she is happier as I am happier. Different folks, different strokes. Do what works you, I always think motherhood you can never 100% know how you will feel about a situation till you're in it and then just adapt and reflect.

I went back to work 4 days when DC was one and absolutely skipped into the office

I loved her dearly but 24/7 a week with a baby really wasn’t for me (especially as she wasn’t a good sleeper either)

Plenty of benefit for her in being looked after by someone who loves being with babies and toddlers all the time and has chosen that as their career. Then seeing you in the mornings evenings and 3 full days a week

I worked part time and it was the best thing for me. I couldn't be a sahm but I didn't want to miss too much time with my dc.
I felt it was balanced.

Go back!

The thing with being a SAHP is you genuinely do not know whether it's for you until you try it. Too many moving parts to guarantee you will enjoy it or be any good at it. I went back FT after 8m with dc1 and 6m with dc2. I love working. I love being a mum. I'm content that I can do a reasonable stab at both, and have a set up where I can focus entirely on work for 40 hours a week and entirely on home life for the remaining time.

Definitely don’t feel guilty, you didn’t know how you’d find it! Can you go part time so you get a mix?

Go back, see how it goes, and possibly keep your eyes open for a job that can give you 3 days. It is easier to find a job when you have a job, and I found when I worked 4 days I was basically doing 100% of a job for 80% of the pay, which was difficult (depends what you do of course). Now I do 65% of a job for 65% of the pay, which has its own drawbacks financially but gives me a really good balance.

You are not wrong about the joys of meetings. I used to be bored and restless being stuck listening to the bits that didn't involve me - now I enjoy a zen-like tea-drinking serenity because I don't have to do anything.

I was a SAHM for 4 years. Absolutely LOVE being back at work. It’s been almost 3 years back and still love getting dressed up, having adult conversation, hot drinks, the extra income! I started PT then went FT about 6 months later.

Personally, I think give it a try. You can always change your mind and go back to being a SAHM (not like your little one can fire you haha)!