Anyone else regret being a stay at home parent? I feel awful

[Icantdothisss]

Ds is only 1! But I honestly wish I was back at work. I feel like a terrible mum. I do enjoy some days with him, but it’s mostly when they are fully packed and meeting other people and it all goes to plan. But it’s genuinely impossible to do this every day! Firstly, not always is another mum free, and it’s way more expensive than I thought it would be. Even entries into little farms etc all adds up. I end up buying a coffee I barely drink as I’m just so stressed out from actually getting us both out to the venue.

Like I say I don’t feel like this everyday but I don’t ever feel I really ‘miss’ ds… it’s full on from the word go and I honestly sometimes go to sleep thinking how nice it would be to quietly log on to my laptop and join a team meeting with a hot tea in peace! I know the grass isn’t always greener but I do regret staying at home. Do you think I would regret it if I went back to work? My company have said I could go back four days a week but that’s the only hours they have, no more or no less.

Urgh I feel so conflicted!

I hope you are calling bullshit on your shitty ex, and you get everything you are entitled to including a share of the pension

I have just gone back to work after 8 years as a SAHP, eldest is very nearly 8 and youngest is 3, so will get her nursery funding in January.
I honestly wish I'd gone back to work sooner. No matter how many toddler groups you go to being a SAHP is lonely.
I'm working part-time and absolutely loving it, sounds horrible but it's a lovely break from the children and I am enjoying the adult company!
Really makes me appreciate the time I have with them so much more as well.

Start looking for a job. If you don't like it after a few months, you can just quit anyway? I'd give it a go if you can arrange childcare, you sound like you'd like to. I've never been a SAHM except for my mat leaves which were 9 months and 10.5 months respectively. It's not for me, I prefer to work part-time.

In your shoes I'd enquire about flexible working, such as doing a job share. Make ste you formally apply and dont just ask your boss as they need to formally consider flexible working and give reasons why it's not viable

If not then go back to the 4 days and when you legally can, apply to drop a day a week or propose a job share. You wont be able to do as much as you did on 5 days and they may see the benefit of someone else picking up the hours once you are back in practice.

At least when you work you have money for your days out and the best bit of all is that you can book annual leave on nursery days and actually get a break and a better balance. Trust me, as they grow it's nice to have that break because no matter how much you love them, the tantrums are nice to have a break from! It gets harder before it gets easier X

Yup I did. Planned to be a stay at home mother once youngest was born til she started nursery. I lasted 6 months before I applied for a job.

I love the balance between part time work and days off with family. All of one or the other is just too much for some people - me being one of them

I was SAHM to 3 under 3 and that kept me busy we did craft at home and went to parks and had so much fun we ended up home educating.
then 12 years later I had another ,and oh what a difference it made just having one to look after I struggled so much to fill the days at first ,then I discovered
there was a children’s centre open very day except Friday .
so every day I went to the children’s centre had a coffee and staff helped keep an eye on him
Friday was swimming.
all the children’s centres have shut down now near us ,I feel so sorry for new mums ,the children’s center had stay and play on 4 days a week mornings and afternoons,staff helped me with my older kids too ..I would not of got through parenting my youngest without the children’s centres.
op see if there is any groups for babies and parents near you ,there might be something and it will give structure to your day

You can go back to work OP. Part time or full time.

I took 12 months mat leave plus accrued holidays for each DC. We did church play group, Bookbug library sessions, village hall playgroup type activities that were free or only cost £1.

Please don’t feel guilty about going back.

I absolutely loved being a SAHM for years and then I suddenly really wanted to go back to work, so I did, and I’ve loved that too. Being a SAHM is intense and I would honestly only recommend it to people who really really want to do it and really really enjoy it. Ultimately it’s not doing anyone in the family any favours if one parent is at home because they feel they should be, but in reality they’re bored/resentful/lonely.

I went back to work and I loved it. I found I was a much better mum after having some time away and it made my time with the kids even more special and loveable. Please don’t feel guilty, do what’s right for you. There is no right or wrong answer

The obvious answer is to go back 4 days a week and if you hate it after say 6 months, then resign. Might as well be earning money and contributing to your pension if you're not enjoying being a SAHP.

Op I'd go back to work. No shame in admitting you need that adult time.

Most mums do work, which means finding someone to hang out will becomes more difficult as more of your 'mum friends' head back to work.

3/4 days is ideal gives you time to hang out with LO as well as keeping a toe in the door at work.

Go back to work Op.
Being a SAHP is bloody hard work.
I went back to a work within six months after my first dc was born and then three months after subsequent dcs.

Totally agree.
I went back part time at first but was effectively doing full time hours in three days and getting paid a part time wage.

I'm a much better mum when I work. There's no shame in that.

God I could not be a SAHM. I thought pre baby that I would absolutely love it, but after experiencing it during ML, nope, not for me. The reality is it’s not all lie ins and luxuriating, it’s bloody endless, relentless drudgery 😂

So, I went back three days a week mainly WFH. I love being back at work. Its the best of both worlds. I spend my days off spending quality time with my DS. We have a blast and I love it. WFH means either DH and I drop him off mid morning and collect him late afternoon. We are here for dinner and bath, every night.

However, if I was with my son 24/7, we wouldn’t be doing fun stuff constantly, I’d be doing housework and well, relentless drudgery. My son wouldn’t be having the blast he has during his three (short) days at nursery. He’d be watching me shove clothes in the washing machine 😆 no fun for him and I wouldn’t be fulfilled. As much as I love being a mummy to my beautiful DS, working makes me a better person and an even better mummy.

If you're unhappy and have good childcare options, I don't see why you wouldn't go back to work. You don't need anyone's permission to make that decision for yourself.

Personally I'm happy being a sahm, I've been a sahm for 5 years and have just my 17m old with me during the day as eldest is at school. I don't think it suits everyone, for example I never really meet up with mum friends and I'm happy taking my dc out for activities just the two of us. I don't get lonely myself but I know other mums who would. I don't buy food or drink when we go out as I just bring lunch out with us, and it often costs us nothing as there are plenty of free child friendly activities around here, we're in London so it's easy to get around to places that have different things going on. But if I was stuck in a quiet village with not much going on I'd find it more interesting to be back at work.

Hi. I have decided to be stay at home mom as well. I couldn't go back to work leaving my little one home. My career was at the top when I resigned to take care of my son. Now I am a mom of two. One is now 2 years and four months and a five month old. I can not express how much I regret leaving my job. I loved what I did. I wanted to go back to work, but I decided not to go for jobs that needed going into the office. I became successful in a full time work from home role and I can't wait to start. I have planned nursery and nanny for both of my kids. So they won't be going to nursery all the time. Only two days a week nursery and a nanny for two days. One day Flexiday off for my husband. I will start this role next year, not yet. But I am already feeling so much better. My mental health already giving me the good vibes. I love my kids and there is nothing more important than them. But I realised I take care of myself to give my full attention to my kids.

Please go back OP. Use your brain, secure your future, keep up your pension, enjoy adult company, use your skills, and set an example to your child. There are no downsides here. You will feel a million times better.

BTW @Icantdothisss you are never not a "full-time mum"
Even if you out source some childcare that wee person will always be the No1 Priority. The second the childcare provider makes the call "LO needs you, they've got temperature, been sick, got a bash" you'll be on it!!

No matter how much you love your children being with them all the time is mentally draining. I understand totally! I can only do nights so I am technically still a full time mum. But sleep when they are in school. Prior it was nursery a few days to give me that option to work. Husband does days so we tag team them on the 2 nights I do. It is difficult and sometimes you just want to be left alone and not have to think about entertaining a little person, the constant daily, what to have for lunch, snacks etc....... it is tiring. I think work is much easier in some regards. Being a SAHM is harder and more demanding. I think it is important to put the kids first. I never miss anything for them birthdays, dancing shows etc..... but I am lucky I can choose when I work as I am a nurse and have a bank/agency job which is a lot better/easier to pick up work when it is good for/around the family. You need your sanity! Find a job that suits your family if you can. Get the little one into nursery to give you that freedom. It will cost at first until they are 3. Then you will be entitled to funding. I think it is 22.5 hours a week paid. So ot does get financially easier. Do a pros and cons list. Good luck it is a tough one but don't feel guilty no matter what you end up doing. We are all human ❤️ and we can only try our best xx

You should do what’s best for your own situation.

I had a year off then went back 3 days a week. I hated having to go back and would have loved being a SAHM until the DC were at senior school (if ever)

My best friend intended to have six children, but after number one, she realised she was bored shitless doing childcare and really missed being with adults all day. She went back after six months FT and never had any more children.

Each to their own I say.

Please don't feel guilty. I went part time so I could spend 2 days with my DD. I ended up putting her in nursery for one of the mornings as it was so hard. I could never have done it every day.

I found it a strange combination of boring and lonely while also full on and never having a minute to myself. Like you I only enjoyed the busy days but the cost mounted up.

She has just started school and we are all much happier for it.

I hated it OP. How I lasted 3 years I have no idea. I found the entire experience mind numbingly dull.

I went back 3 days a week after 18months off, DD is now three and we love our two days midweek off together and she equally enjoys her nursery time. Bit of money left over after nursery bills means we can enjoy nice things like travel. When I was at home it felt like I was just passing the time everyday, now our two days off together midweek is quality time

if it's not for you, it's not for you. Going back to work doesn't mean you are abandoning your child on the church steps.

I loved my maternity leaves so much I didn't last long when I went back to work, I thought screw that, life's too short, I want to be a SAHM at least for a few year. Same reasoning applies for you, life is too short. Nothing stops you from quitting if you change your mind, what have you go to loose?

Just bear in mind that pre-school years are dead easy. Expensive but easy: nurseries are opened pretty much every day of the year and have long days making drop off and pick up very easy.

Schools is a completely different level: shorter hours, wrap-around care not that easy to find, holidays to cover, sick days to cover, and all the school events you end up missing (nativity etc..) It's constant.