Anyone else regret being a stay at home parent? I feel awful

[Icantdothisss]

Ds is only 1! But I honestly wish I was back at work. I feel like a terrible mum. I do enjoy some days with him, but it’s mostly when they are fully packed and meeting other people and it all goes to plan. But it’s genuinely impossible to do this every day! Firstly, not always is another mum free, and it’s way more expensive than I thought it would be. Even entries into little farms etc all adds up. I end up buying a coffee I barely drink as I’m just so stressed out from actually getting us both out to the venue.

Like I say I don’t feel like this everyday but I don’t ever feel I really ‘miss’ ds… it’s full on from the word go and I honestly sometimes go to sleep thinking how nice it would be to quietly log on to my laptop and join a team meeting with a hot tea in peace! I know the grass isn’t always greener but I do regret staying at home. Do you think I would regret it if I went back to work? My company have said I could go back four days a week but that’s the only hours they have, no more or no less.

Urgh I feel so conflicted!

After 14 months I had definitely had enough & started working 2 days a week which was great.

My DT’s are in their early 20’s now. I’ve financially never needed to work but I wanted my career and am proud of what I’ve achieved. Why would I regret what I’ve done?

I can't understand why people feel they don't "use their brain" unless they are in an office with someone telling them what to do, or why they need some kind of title to feel they have an identity, but apparently it's common.

For me it was more having a different, separate environment & the fact I really liked my colleagues so work is fun.

And I really beat myself up about feeling like I wanted something more. I felt like there was something wrong with me because the message "every mother would prefer to be at home", "you only work out of financial need" is pretty common. What was wrong with me that I didn't love it etc

Indeed everyone is different . If you enjoy working good for you . I work just coz I need to support my family, otherwise I will be happily enjoying my kids all day , everyday . Although I believe is beneficial for kids going to nursery for a few hours everyday . My daughters are going since they were 1 .

I went back to work between my children and then after my second. I never intended to give up my career. It works for some not for others. I love my children but I couldn’t be a stay at home parent. I love my job and I’ve progressed since having children with a couple of promotions. You do what is right for you. If it doesn’t work you can give it up. Good luck!

At one point I was earning only about £50 a month more than I was paying in childcare. But I kept up my skills and my pension and my national insurance and now I am older and the kids are 15 and 17 and I am divorced (with no help from ex) I’m blimmin’ glad I did. Plus, it was nice to go to work and be myself rather than someone’s mum or someone’s wife. ‘Keep interested in your career however humble. It is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.’ From Desiderata.

I hated having to go back to work, but it afforded me the chance to do some stuff (not everything) with them.

could you get a pt job?
i regret going back to work, I think being a parent can be very conflicting and full of guilt whatever you do.

I would do absolutely anything for my 3 children (all primary age) but no way could I ever be a stay at home mum! I go to work part time for my sanity and some adult conversation!

I think you are ready to go back to work.
It differs by person and there is no rule.

The one thing your told on a plane is to put your oxygen mask on before your child's.
Same applies in all parts of life. You are more than a mammy and if you feel you need to maintain that mental stimulation that you have always had that's perfectly fine. A 4 day week is lovely. If you can afford it get a cleaner so your days off can then be spent on a nice activity rather than cleaning.
Your child also benefits from the social interaction with kids their own age.
I've seen many mothers hit the spot when their child goes to school and realise they're unfulfilled.
Put your own mask on first and that will allow you to be the best mum you can be.

4 days is perfect, go for it. 50% extra weekend and still 80% FT wage. On that one day you can do all the walks in the park and going to playgroup and painting in the kitchen, you won't feel you're missing out and it will be apparent that one day a week of all that stuff (on top of weekends) is enough!

I got bored to death on my maternity leave. I have a phd a great job and I manage a great team. I feel powerful and fulfilled in my job. I love my kids but I can give so much more of myself to the world and to them while using my brain. Going to play dates, cooking, cleaning and gossiping with other mums just was not enough. My brain was not stimulated enough and really needed more. I have lots of friends who did it and are perfectly happy, but not me.
my daughters are also proud of me for my work and I want to be a role mother for them, to be an independent successful woman. That’s about what works for you, your family and makes you happy.

Go back. I took a career break with romanticised visions of being a SAHM and it’s not for me, I wasn’t cut out for it. I work 4 days and I enjoy my balance a lot

I've a 3 yr old and 14 month old. I just went back part time after a year's mat leave and I am so much happier than I was for the last few months of mat leave. Feel guilty but it's true. I enjoy my time with the kids so much more and appreciate it. Also like you, I need to fill the days and that's easier when it's not everyday. I'm not meant to be a SAHM. I always thought it was what I wanted but in reality it's bloody hard.

Don’t feel bad about yourself. Motherhood is not the rosey depiction society want us to believe.

Go back to work and you will see that when you are back home it will be easier and you will be ready to see your DC.

There is more to life than just devoting yourself to your offspring.

I totally get you. I went back to work for 4 days and I didn’t realise how much I needed that and how bored I was getting being off. My day off with the kids is harder than my work days that’s for sure. What I would say is that my eldest is at school now and it has absolutely flown by so it’s true what they say- the days are long but the years are short! But do what is best for you and don’t feel bad for feeling this way.

I thought I wanted to be a SAHM but after 18 months I couldn’t wait to get a job and go back to work. I was a SAHM again for a few years when I had no 2 but I started working one day a week and also studying p/t. I adored my DC but there has to be more to life.

As a stay at home parent I really think the days spent being at home all day are truly the hardest. You end up going round in circles tidying, making food and finding things to entertain them before starting to tidy again.

I don't get this- OP has literally said she's NOT enjoying it. Fine if you do, but being a SAHM isn't for everyone and no mum should be made to feel guilty if they want to go back to work.

Being a parent is alot harder than working.

I am very fortunate in that I work flexible hours from home, so I work early mornings and my partner's lunch (he also WFH) andy boys nap and that's my days hours done. I find my hours when I work are my relaxed part of the day tbh, I couldn't just be a mum, I need another purpose and escape. Yes it is tiring but he goes to nursery soon so will become alot easier.

Don't feel guilty about going back to work. You could try the 4 days and see how you feel, or if not try to find something else for 2 or 3 days. It is very easy to lose your own identity when a mum, but you are still your own person too and that's okay. Men /Dad's get it easy on this front I think.

Go back to work, it’s good for you, your career and your pension, and DS will enjoy it.

I went back 3 days a week when mine were just under one.

It adds a new level of stress to the day having to do drop off and pick ups but honestly I was so relieved to be back amongst other adults and to get a lunch break!

It took me quite a while to stop announcing when I was going for a wee but apart from that it was fab!

I stayed at home for 8 years, best thing i ever done. With my first i was 200 miles away from family and lived in the middle of nowhere, couldn't drive and to use the the bus you had to collapse the pushchair and clamber up 3 steps holding the pram, baby and the shopping so didn't use it more than once a week. We had one Mothers and toddlers (as it was then) once a week. So it was just me and baby at home for 12+ hours a day or weeks at a time if Husband was on detatchment. Bloody loved that time and was never bored.
If you feel you can't stay at home go back to work.

A long long time ago, my mother had to take a full three months off with my baby brother (as he was premature). She was bored out of her tree!!
Yes not in keeping with cultural norms here and now but there you go.
Go back. If you don't like you can always change it somehow (different job etc.).