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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

So upset about dp prospects

397 replies

Desperatetime · 05/10/2023 09:38

I don't know what I wish to achieve by posting here but I need it off my chest.
Dp came from another country several years ago and was granted work permission last year I helped him get work through an agency in a factory setting but it's only minimum wage and he has relatives back in his home country who are always looking towards him for financial help due to extremely low wages there.
Dp attended school in his home country but he left at age 14 to work and help his family who where quite poor.
Dp said there was no such thing as leaving school with grades etc and he was never able to release any potential.
What I've found is that dp is actually very clever and appears to pick things up very quickly and is very capable but we are stuck we can't afford training and he is working full-time so no time and I've helped apply for jobs but we are finding his cv is very tricky as hardly any work history here in the uk and no UK education.
He is never selected on any job application rejection after rejection and he is 46 now.
His current employer is so happy with him thinks he's great etc but it's minimum wage and he can't increase his income or learn new things. Please go easy on me I'm upset about this.

OP posts:
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5
Normalsizedsalad · 05/10/2023 13:00

Volvooo · 05/10/2023 12:59

Could he work as a translator at all, in person/online etc. Not sure what his other language is but if it's something that people need help with into English could be an option.

Well... He would need good written English for that...

PikachuChickenRice · 05/10/2023 13:00

Also @BlueYonder57 I know several people friend's parents actually South Asian descent who worked as programmers here 20 years ago.. so... there we go...

IslaWinds · 05/10/2023 13:00

BlueYonder57 · 05/10/2023 12:56

My friends husband came from Pakistan with a BSc in computing science some 20 years ago. He's fluent in English. He couldn't get a job with all his skills, so he worked full time in Morrisons warehouse and did an MSc at a British university in his own time on top of that. He's still stuck in Morrisons warehouse. Applied for thousands of jobs and more internal promotions that you can shake a stick at. Never got one. Often doesn't even get an interview.

I can't imagine why that is.... 😖

Racism and xenophobia is rife. One of my closest friends is a Ukrainian refugee. She was an MD paediatrician in Ukraine- a fully qualified consultant doctor. It took her four tries to be accepted as a “healthcare assistant” with the NHS and now she is applying to go through the full training to be a nurse!
Part of the problem was the Russians occupying her region so she couldn’t get the transcripts to prove her degrees and qualifications beyond her hard copy diplomas.

Normalsizedsalad · 05/10/2023 13:03

Part of the problem was the Russians occupying her region so she couldn’t get the transcripts to prove her degrees and qualifications beyond her hard copy diplomas.
That's the problem, not racism and xenophobia considering that 25% are non white British (which stands above population levels so good)

Mistressanne · 05/10/2023 13:03

Desperatetime · 05/10/2023 12:50

Janieforever
I'm just a humble carer but a worthwhile job surely.
Dp only ever worked as a shoemaker also I have taken everything on board and realise we need to start at the bottom I'm not been defeatist or evasive I intend to work through all of the helpful suggestions on here

Is he a good shoemaker?
My friend paid good money for vegan shoes for her dd.
Would he be able to set up his own business?

youhavenoidea123 · 05/10/2023 13:07

You have to keep applying it's a numbers game with jobs like Aldi etc.

They have so many applicants I'm sure they don't look at them all. You just have to keep applying and hope the application gets looked at.

For context when my son wanted Saturday work, he made numerous applications to the same places before he was offered a job.

Can he look at functional skills maths and English. They should be funded if he had no previous qualifications.

Chocolatepopcorn · 05/10/2023 13:07

Well the obvious thing that's holding him back is funding his family. I know cultural expectations etc... but hard decisions have to be made. He should tell them he'll be able to give them a minimal amount while he trains but will have more afterwards. If they have a problem with that then tough. What would they do if he was dead? His help isn't guaranteed to them for life anyway, is the point I'm making. He needs to put his family in the UK first, especially if he has children. There's no way I would take money from my children to give to other relatives.

ShadowsontheHill · 05/10/2023 13:10

@PikachuChickenRice yep my Dad was an immigrant and worked in restaurants and lived in HMO accommodation for years and ended up having his own place. He then instilled a work ethic like no other in his children and now we all have or had professional jobs. My oldest brother still sends money home and my Dad moved here in 1959.

To work up levels is hard you really have to have something about you, plus it’s harder these days as degrees are ten a penny compared to when myself and my siblings went to University. My Mother who was white English did just this started as cleaner and ended up as manager of a huge leisure complex. These days that company has graduate schemes to become a manager. So you could be as clever as you like you cannot work your way up like that anymore.

What’s his level of spoken and written English like? So how many years did you support him on just your wage plus his did you meet?

Reugny · 05/10/2023 13:11

PikachuChickenRice · 05/10/2023 12:59

Does he have a strong portfolio of personal projects? Given the large amount of non-British people in tech particularly of South Asian descent I highly doubt that his situation was due to prejudice. But this is today... maybe different 20 years ago.

What BlueYonder57 has said isn't rare. I know and have met plenty of men with Computer Science degrees born abroad who are working in other industries in the UK.

With women was (and is) slightly different.

ginnybag · 05/10/2023 13:12

OP. what has he done to try to solve any of this? You appear to be thinking a lot about it, but what's he doing?

When you say apply, is he going in person to speak to people, or just filling in online applications? Has he actually contacted any of the shoemakers still operating in the uk directly and in person?

British shoemakers

He is starting from a weak position, in terms of recruitment - no history, no qualifications and can't drive. That's going to take him out of the pool for a lot of jobs immediately. I was going to suggest Security - until you said he can't drive. It's possible to earn a good amount in the right role, but by it's nature it's antisocial hours, and transport becomes critical to be able to get to shifts.

There's been lots of good suggestions about plugging some of those gaps, but by far his biggest likelihood of success is to actually bang on doors and get himself past the 'desk-searches' that are the first round cut of most recruitments.

British Brands Directory

British brands directory - comprehensive guide to businesses made in the UK. The guide for consumers & buyers looking for british-made goods.

https://makeitbritish.co.uk/uk-directory/british-brands/?search_75f20=shoes

widowtwankywashroom · 05/10/2023 13:13

You seem very defeatist OP.
He needs to be doing more to increase his work chances.
Are you sure he's willing to do all the above as nearly every suggestion you've dismissed
If nothing changes then you'll be in this rut forever

pandarific · 05/10/2023 13:13

@Desperatetime sales all the way - it’s good money and no degree requirement for entry level positions. If he is in manufacturing at the moment it would be good to know what kind please? If so example it was automotive I’d recommend looking for automotive related entry level sales jobs for example, making it clear in cv and cover letter he has experience of the industry/shop floor.

Also he should not be afraid to ask anyone he has a friendly relationship with in the company he’s at for advice - explain he wants to progress, what would they recommend he have a look at?

Reugny · 05/10/2023 13:14

ginnybag · 05/10/2023 13:12

OP. what has he done to try to solve any of this? You appear to be thinking a lot about it, but what's he doing?

When you say apply, is he going in person to speak to people, or just filling in online applications? Has he actually contacted any of the shoemakers still operating in the uk directly and in person?

British shoemakers

He is starting from a weak position, in terms of recruitment - no history, no qualifications and can't drive. That's going to take him out of the pool for a lot of jobs immediately. I was going to suggest Security - until you said he can't drive. It's possible to earn a good amount in the right role, but by it's nature it's antisocial hours, and transport becomes critical to be able to get to shifts.

There's been lots of good suggestions about plugging some of those gaps, but by far his biggest likelihood of success is to actually bang on doors and get himself past the 'desk-searches' that are the first round cut of most recruitments.

Won't he need a sample of his work to showcase to people?

RDragon · 05/10/2023 13:15

ActDottie · 05/10/2023 12:07

What about a school caretaker? My husband was similar in that he left school with only 3 GCSEs and I’d always resigned myself to the fact he would never be a big earner.

He took a job as a school caretaker on about £19k a year, worked for a year then a school site manager role came up for £29k and he got that role. Then after another year a site manager role for three schools came up and he’s now on £42k. It’s a career path people dismiss so quickly because no one wants to be a caretaker but progression is fast for those who show willing.

My husband had literally no background in anything caretaker related when he got the role. He just had to show willing. And I’m so incredibly proud of him now.

He’s now doing health and safety qualifications and is hoping to get a job as Health and Safety Manager for a school trust which are about £50k.

Another added bonus is no weekend work and he works 8-4 with the odd day where he has to work later because of school open evenings etc. but he just takes the morning off on those days.

I just wanted to highlight @ActDottie 's great suggestion in case the OP had missed it. That's great to hear that your husband is doing so well, and has a good work-life balance too. I was a school governor and we really struggled to recruit caretakers. Could be an excellent shout for the OP's DP.

Dixiechickonhols · 05/10/2023 13:16

If he could get a job in a local authority even min wage then he’d be able to access lots of free training eg everyone can do equivalent of gcse English and maths.

Desperatetime · 05/10/2023 13:17

ginnybag
He has mentioned security but he needs his sia license we just don't have enough spare funds to pay for these things.
I'm also aware that unless we can improve his cv and get some educational grades on it etc then even if he trains in something he may still not get his foot in the door so I think we need to work on that first.

OP posts:
Desperatetime · 05/10/2023 13:18

Applied for school taker or maintenance type jobs and wasn't successful

OP posts:
overwhelmed2023 · 05/10/2023 13:19

I think it would be best to study for some qualifications as evidence of his abilities and to get in some sort of higher paid work / training.
Any trades he could break into like electrics or plumbing ?

OhComeOnFFS · 05/10/2023 13:19

How much is he actually sending them? Do you think they wouldn't be happy if he sent double?

Can you tell us how long he worked as a shoemaker? Was that something he only did in his home country?

He would be able to do free courses in English reading and writing - has he taken advantage of them?

What is he doing to help himself?

overwhelmed2023 · 05/10/2023 13:20

NHS Health care assistant then the working oath to nursing ?

Annon1234 · 05/10/2023 13:21

It’s not all doom and gloom in a factory/warehouse setting. My husband started working in one straight out of school. After 20 years he’s now a manager, earns a very above average wage with room to progress further. It just won’t happen over night

Picklemeyellow · 05/10/2023 13:21

Would your dh consider physically hard work launch as the building trade?
18 year old DS is on a bricklaying apprenticeship currently earning £25k, he’s on course to earn £50k by his early 20’s.
There is no upper age limit for apprenticeships.
DS works for his 35 year old cousin who left school with zero qualifications and now earns £80k+ a year.
The building trade are always desperate for hod carriers (and they have many people from other countries working on site), who often go on to train as bricklayers. It’s hard work but pays good money.

Viviennemary · 05/10/2023 13:22

Desperatetime · 05/10/2023 10:00

We are not classed as low income either as I have a wage coming in as well just above minimum wage and he can't even take time off for training due to relatives back home needing financial assistance.

He is just simply not in a position to be sending money to relatives back home. I dont know how he would improve his job prospects without study.even online learning even then it isn't really easy at his age without experience. I think the extra stress of being obliged to send your money to relatives in another country is a huge problem.

Desperatetime · 05/10/2023 13:24

overwhelmed2023
Can't manage the costs involved in plumbing and electrics and he can't get onto any free training

OP posts:
Normalsizedsalad · 05/10/2023 13:25

I'm also aware that unless we can improve his cv and get some educational grades on it etc then even if he trains in something he may still not get his foot in the door so I think we need to work on that first.

I am an immigrant. The only place which ever asked me for any grades or papers was Uni when I was applying. Just put school, years and that's it. May add "pass". I don't even mention GCSE level. Employers are aware that GCSE are not something most other countries dom