To think that most company menopause policies are an absolute joke?

[JenniferAnistonsHair2023]

I work for a FTSE100 firm, been there a long time. No historical performance issues. Mid 50s, senior role, quite high pressure.

At the start of this year I went down to 4 days in an attempt to slow down a little. I'm menopausal, anxious, permanently tired (insomnia) - you get the picture. On HRT which has helped but doesn't turn you back into the person you were when you were 30.

My last performance review I was pretty much told I'm underperforming. This came as a shock to me as I'm managing a full time workload in 4 days. Was given some areas to focus on which I'm trying my hardest to do, but part of me thinks I'm just not good enough any more.

Decide to contact HR today to discuss what constitutes 'reasonable adjustments' to my role because of menopause symptoms. (We have a policy published on our intranet). HR helpline pretty much just told me that I need to work things out with my manager. Made the point that my manager was the problem and I didn't feel comfortable discussing menopause with a 50 something male with no training on the matter. Still get a 'computer says no' response.

I mean, what's the fucking point of having a policy? I'm losing the will to live. On top of all that I'm asked to do a day of meetings which involves 3 hours of travelling either side next week, with no opportunity to take any of that time back. I refused on the basis that there was a dial-in option and that I wasn't willing to go massively over my 28 hours for the week (there are times when I have to travel when f2f is the only option and that's fine, I suck it up).

AIBU? Has anyone got experience of a workplace where they have a better menopause policy so that I can consider applying?!

Yes, I think six weeks (a typical recovery time after a hysterectomy) of "car" trouble might raise a few eyebrows!

I dont give a hoot about whether the manager is on the post! I am not fragile (why would I post something like this on AIBU if I was fragile - I absolutely knew I would get a kicking for expressing this!). I simply find the language vulgar and coarse.

Not sure what else there is to explain really.

It can be, can being the operative word based on the manifestation of symptoms and their severity. It absolutely is not listed as a disabilty based on the Equality Act.

You can be in the minority and still be right you know.

There's only one of us who broke MN talk guidelines @SiousieSoo and it wasn't me.

I know I am crying into my tea as I type. Listen you go ahead with your choice words if you think they are suitable.

But you didn't tell your manager you went down to 4 days a week because of menopause symptoms?.

And you got annoyed possibly very rightly that your manager said you were underperforming?

But instead of telling him that you're struggling with menopause you went to HR wanting them to tell you what would be a reasonable adjustment in your role. And they couldn't tell you as that's something that employees and managers need to work out as individual employees and individual roles are just that ..individual

So you need to talk to your manager about what reasonable adjustments might be in your role

But you dont want to talk to your manager because he's a man and you've already decided he won't possibly understand.

So then you got pissed off saying menopause policies are pointless? What did you want? HR to go to go to your manager and say 'employee is menopausal so should have x, y and z or shouldn't have to do x, y or z?

That's not how reasonable adjustments work. What's reasonable in one role may not reasonable in another.

I think when a lot of people hear 'reasonable adjustment' they think 'the employer has to do whatever I ask to keep me in work and that's all reasonable'.

No it isn't. The key word is reasonable and the employer decides that.

And stop being dramatic and positioning yourself as a victim by being snarky saying ' i see it's unreasonable of me to be able to talk to another woman about my issues'.

Nobody said that and your HR didn't say that either . They said you need to talk to your manager about your difficulties and what reasonable adjustments may help. For ANY reason.

That goes for the menopause policy, the disabilities policy, the pregnancy policy and the sickness policy.

They are your manager! It wouldn't matter if you were offered the opportunity to talk about your menopause with another woman. Unless they're in a managerial position in your specific team it is completely irrelevant to YOUR ROLE IN YOUR TEAM.

You wanting to not talk to your manager hoping that you could talk to a woman who doesn't work in your role or team but would tell your manager what are reasonable adjustments for you that they shouldn't be spoken to about by you but just implement is just ridiculous.

And stop being dramatic and positioning yourself as a victim by being snarky saying ' i see it's unreasonable of me to be able to talk to another woman about my issues'.

I wasn't being snarky or dramatic - that was a genuine comment. No sarcasm or snarkiness in there. But I feel you are attacking me a bit.

You are such a hypocrite. I've just seen your comments on the school trip thread. The way you're speaking to the OP on there is awful, telling her to get a grip and mocking her, so so rude. And yet here you are feigning outrage over a four letter word.

Weird... why are you stalking me to see my other posts? I think she is being ridiculous and over the top moaning about something so trivial as her four year old missing out on a theatre trip. Why are you posting about that thread on this thread? Do you have nothing better to do than look at my other posts to try and bash me?

Oh the irony...

So can menopause be. I've had 3 miscarriages

Oh seriously, don't flatter yourself. Can you not read? I said I had just read your comments on that thread. Meaning I was on another thread, nothing to do with you. You think a lot of yourself don't you?

Brilliant 😂

Of course you were, dear.

And it is weird (and not thread etiquette) to bring up a poster's other comments that are unconnected to the current thread. Very weird.

Yes, yes you are.

😂Calm down "dear".

My organisation are really into wellbeing, our menopause policy seems pretty reasonable. Adjustments are made for the individual. I've seen a few of the adjustment requests and most of them are agreed unless they're unreasonable. One example being, keep the air con on at 14 degrees to combat hot flushes. We couldn't do that because of the effect on everyone else (there's also someone in that office who has a low body temperature so she would become unwell if it was too cold), in that case, she has a personal fan. Other adjustments have been working from home if needed, we've even paid for taxi travel for one person as she was struggling with her journey to work and doesn't drive.

My workplace is generally pretty fair all in all though.

Unoriginal to boot! Keep going 'Olive'!

Hello everyone, we are getting quite a few reports about this thread. So we are stepping in to ask for a little peace and love and to request that we get the thread back on track.
MNHQ

@PinkRoses1245 Haven't RTFT but personally I'm not saying that NO allowances should be made for menopause - or by extension any female bodily issues like miscarriage, fertility, periods, etc.

The help should be provided in the same way as ANY other medical issue. Not a special policy for each one. If we have a menopause policy then we should have a cancer policy, migraine policy, arthritis policy, IBS policy... see where I'm going with this?

Painful periods for example - the medical term is dysmenorrhea, there can also be other issues such as PCOS, endometriosis etc all of those are dealt with as medical issues.

Fair enough to raise awareness of menopause so managers don't dismiss women but like everything else the first thing to do should be involving occupational health and GP's following proper process. There should not be instances of 'policy' where managers make adjustments themselves without involving the relevant parties.

@fearfuloffluff every single thing you mentioned also applies to conditions other than menopause. Clothing - autism sensory issues. 'Flooding' - IBS or other conditions that cause a level of incontinence. Those are managed under normal reasonable adjustments. What's so special about menopause?

The only thing that has it's own concessions is pregnancy and that's fair enough because it has a defined end - 9 months. Menopause doesn't necessarily - like many other conditions.

Solidarity OP.

I think your angle here should be that your workplace agreed to a 4 day week, but they're expecting you to ado a full time job in that time. No wonder you're struggling.