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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my teenager to earn some cash

147 replies

JudesBiggestFan · 04/10/2023 18:22

My 14 year son is constantly asking for money. For sports, sports equipment, gaming, to go to the shops, generally to see his mates. Some of his friends are doing football reffing at kids matches and I've asked him to do the course so he can do the same. The fuss! He's flat refusing so I've said to him there'll be no more cash for anything other than essentials. My husband and I earn pretty well but we have three children and the expenses are constant. More than anything though, it's a principal...I'd had a paper round for two years by his age and I simply didn't expect constant hand outs from my parents. He's incredibly stubborn and always has been..I've already said if he does a few matches and hates it/gets treated badly then he can stop. But his friends are loving it as well as the financial independence...a lot of them are making 60 pounds in one morning! Am I being unreasonable for pushing it? I know it must feel daunting but we'd be there at every match with him and he's more than capable.

OP posts:
MariaVT65 · 04/10/2023 18:38

I have to be honest and I say I personally didn’t know anyone who had a paying job at 14. My friend and I started voluntary work at 15 with disabled people, and then started paid jobs at 16.

Other than the football, do you know of many other job opportunities for 14 year olds?

BMW6 · 04/10/2023 18:42

I'm not sure it's legal at 14, but if you check and it is legal then yes, tell him to start earning his own money!

ohdamnitjanet · 04/10/2023 18:43

It’s really hard for a young teen to get a job nowadays. Most people want 16 plus. It would be good if he at least tried and you gave him an allowance he would have to budget with.

topshotta · 04/10/2023 18:43

He's only 14 tbh just let him live

Spacecowboys · 04/10/2023 18:51

I personally don’t think there should be any expectation to get a job at 14. At that age, they are dependants and parents get child benefit and top ups to help fully support them ( if eligible). To me, that includes providing social money as well.

RenegadeKeeblerElf · 04/10/2023 18:53

It is legal to work at 14 but there are heavy restrictions so a lot of employers won't take them on. That said, football refereeing sounds great for that age group. I think it's fair to expect him to either stick to the budget you set or earn more money if he wants to be able to spend more, as long as the opportunity is there

Cupcakekiller · 04/10/2023 18:55

Many places won't take until 16 or even 18. Could he do chores to earn money?

Billybagpuss · 04/10/2023 19:03

Does he get pocket money? I think you should be limiting the amount he gets per month so he has to budget and when it’s gone he can earn more by jobs around the house.

Jhvnnoo0008889837373 · 04/10/2023 19:11

Send him round to your neighbours for odd jobs? Speak with them first to agree a rate and then send your son round, can he not do household chores to earn his extra expenses?

Fiddlersgreen · 04/10/2023 19:15

My eldest did the referee course at 14, he loved earning the money and had a great attitude when treated badly by the parents, it didn’t bother him at all. I would frequently get emails from the club managers apologising for yet another parent/parents verbally abusing my child because they didn’t agree with his (mostly correct!) decisions. It’s disgusting.
My younger son decided against refereeing for this very reason, he didn’t feel he would be strong enough to stand by his decisions if he had grown adults shouting and swearing at him.

if your son can find any other paid work, paper round maybe then he might be more comfortable with it

mrsm43s · 04/10/2023 19:29

At 14, I think it's still your responsibility to support him fully, including an (appropriate to family income) allowance for his personal spends and social life.

Sports fees, sports equipment, essential clothes I think you should be paying for in full. Perfectly reasonable, however, to give him a set amount for gaming/social life/high fashion etc that he has to budget, and when it's gone, it's gone. At 14, assuming comfortable family income, I'd expect a teen to have an allowance of around £50-£100/month (approx £10-25 per week).

CalistoNoSolo · 04/10/2023 19:32

Yabu to expect your 14yo son to pay his way. Having said that, DD got her first job waitressing at the local hotel at 14, so it is possible to earn money at that age.

Comedycook · 04/10/2023 19:33

Yabu...14 is pretty young still. It's not the 1970s...vast majority of 14 year olds don't have jobs.

I think a better idea might be giving him an allowance so he has to learn to prioritise his spending and needs/wants

Strawberryfieldsforeverrr · 04/10/2023 19:33

I think 14 is a bit young these days, admittedly I was washing up in a restaurant by that age but it doesn't seem the norm now, I'm amazed that 14 year olds are allowed to be referees, even for tiddlers.

It sound store that he needs to learn money management, I'd be giving him a set amount a month and teaching him to manage it.

theduchessofspork · 04/10/2023 19:36

Er, you chose to have 3 kids, so no you don’t get to reduce your spending on him to essentials. Unless you are broke and essentials is all the rest of you get.

I am all for PT jobs (although they are much harder to get than when we were kids) but you should make a contribution to fun money / allowance if you can - he is a child, and specifically, your child.

theduchessofspork · 04/10/2023 19:37

Also - teach him money management. This is part of your job.

Original poster
JudesBiggestFan · 04/10/2023 19:37

Interesting. I can't decide if I'm generous or mean. I certainly feel stressed! This month so far he's had 100 pounds in football boots, 55 pounds on goalie gloves for the new season, 40 pounds on his bank card for socialising and now he's asking for 70 pounds for a games. He has also had 80 pounds in sports fees. He broke his cricket bat the other night and is asking for 150 for a new one. No clothes this month, but I obviously had to buy school uniform x three last month which was £600. With two other children to be fair to, Christmas coming and ever rising food and bills I just sometimes feel overwhelmed. At his age I had a paper round every morning plus I babysat on Saturday night - my parents just couldn't afford to give me spending money. Times have obviously changed.

OP posts:
Original poster
JudesBiggestFan · 04/10/2023 19:40

And yes obviously I chose to have three children. But very few children have unlimited budgets. And I'm not sure it's the right thing to teach.

OP posts:
Beninthesortingoffice · 04/10/2023 19:43

My kids both started work at 13. Saturday mornings term time helping at swimming lessons

PikachuChickenRice · 04/10/2023 19:43

JudesBiggestFan · 04/10/2023 19:37

Interesting. I can't decide if I'm generous or mean. I certainly feel stressed! This month so far he's had 100 pounds in football boots, 55 pounds on goalie gloves for the new season, 40 pounds on his bank card for socialising and now he's asking for 70 pounds for a games. He has also had 80 pounds in sports fees. He broke his cricket bat the other night and is asking for 150 for a new one. No clothes this month, but I obviously had to buy school uniform x three last month which was £600. With two other children to be fair to, Christmas coming and ever rising food and bills I just sometimes feel overwhelmed. At his age I had a paper round every morning plus I babysat on Saturday night - my parents just couldn't afford to give me spending money. Times have obviously changed.

Being unable to afford it is different from withholding money on principle. In 2023 there are certainly many who, like your parents cannot afford to give your son even half of what you've given him!
It's completely fair to set a budget and tell him he has to work with it but not fair to withdraw all of it.

Btw this generation will probably never retire - they'll be working until their deaths. Nothing wrong with letting them enjoy their child/teenhood!

At the same time your son's hobbies are expensive and many have had to cut down. It's not fair to spend that much on him if you can't do the same for other children. He definitely needs to be made aware of how lucky he is, so he should be grateful instead of constantly asking for more more more. You're not a magic money tree.

Have you tried getting him to help source these things second hand? £55 for gloves and £150 for a new bat is steep!

MariaVT65 · 04/10/2023 19:44

I think you’re clearly spending a lot on his sports hobbies, and therefore I think it’s fair to not buy him games every time he wants them. Deffo make him wait for xmas or try to get them second hand.

The uniform costs x 3 aren’t his fault.

Are there many jobs for paper rounds these days? I don’t personally know anyone younger than 60 who gets the paper delivered to them nowadays. Or tbh even reads the paper. And I personally wouldn’t trust a 14 year old boy to babysit my kids tbh.

Something my parents never did which I would have valued is actually to run through expenditures with me so I could understand more about the realities of money. Like literally, your incomings and outgoings, and that may help him understand why you can’t fork out for every little thing he wants.

Comedycook · 04/10/2023 19:44

JudesBiggestFan · 04/10/2023 19:37

Interesting. I can't decide if I'm generous or mean. I certainly feel stressed! This month so far he's had 100 pounds in football boots, 55 pounds on goalie gloves for the new season, 40 pounds on his bank card for socialising and now he's asking for 70 pounds for a games. He has also had 80 pounds in sports fees. He broke his cricket bat the other night and is asking for 150 for a new one. No clothes this month, but I obviously had to buy school uniform x three last month which was £600. With two other children to be fair to, Christmas coming and ever rising food and bills I just sometimes feel overwhelmed. At his age I had a paper round every morning plus I babysat on Saturday night - my parents just couldn't afford to give me spending money. Times have obviously changed.

School uniform is down to you solely.

As for football boots...why £100 ones? I have a sporty ds...when we but football boots I give him a budget...you can spend up to £60 for example. £55 for goalie gloves! Blimey.

Nevermind31 · 04/10/2023 19:45

Clothes and sports equipment should be paid for. Money for socialising and games should come out if his pocket money so he can learn to budget. Or ask for it for Christmas.
broken cricket club? Christmas present.
sounds like he doesn’t understand the value of money.

Winnipeggy · 04/10/2023 19:46

I think it's perfectly reasonable to limit handouts if he's not grateful or understanding the value of money. I would agree with PP that pocket money in exchange for chores might be a good way to go

OTM1982 · 04/10/2023 19:46

Just say no? No, I'm sorry I'm not getting you xyz.