To ask my teenager to earn some cash

[JudesBiggestFan]

My 14 year son is constantly asking for money. For sports, sports equipment, gaming, to go to the shops, generally to see his mates. Some of his friends are doing football reffing at kids matches and I've asked him to do the course so he can do the same. The fuss! He's flat refusing so I've said to him there'll be no more cash for anything other than essentials. My husband and I earn pretty well but we have three children and the expenses are constant. More than anything though, it's a principal...I'd had a paper round for two years by his age and I simply didn't expect constant hand outs from my parents. He's incredibly stubborn and always has been..I've already said if he does a few matches and hates it/gets treated badly then he can stop. But his friends are loving it as well as the financial independence...a lot of them are making 60 pounds in one morning! Am I being unreasonable for pushing it? I know it must feel daunting but we'd be there at every match with him and he's more than capable.

You're going to struggle to force him to get a job if you can't even say no to buying him the more expensive brands.

Start saying no and stick to a budget instead of giving in and then whinging about how much he costs you.

If he's not interested enough in football to learn to ref, I don't think I'd be interested enough to fund expensive kit.

There’s so many rules now about teens working, I’d give him a budget and encourage him to chose wisely

I agree with a previous poster. If he's not interested enough to referee and I would say that's the end of playing in the team

OP, do you think it might be his reaction that has pissed you off more than him not earning? Because it annoyed me reading it - indolence isn’t really a likeable characteristic in a young person, is it?

@Secondwindplease I think it's exactly that! I work so, so hard to give my kids a good life and always have. So when he just shrugs and says I don't fancy it (like work's an enjoyable option rather than a hard necessity of life) I find it really, really annoying!

I dont think you can use buying uniforms against him, he's a child who needs uniforms. For me it would be a set amount of pocket money per month that he needs to manage. I would be sometimes buying him extras given that he's a child with no job, but not all the time like you are.

I think I would be paying for basics and everything else is from a monthly allowance. So sports equipment, clothes you cover the basics, if he wants something fancier he pays by saving his allowance. Games I would say are for Christmas or birthday. Social life comes out of allowance. He’ll quickly decide he can do without or buy from ebay if it’s his own money.

I wouldn’t expect a 14 year old to work tbh but I can see that it’s galling he says no whilst expecting so much spent on him. But IMO it’s the spending expectations that are unreasonable rather than the refusal to work.

If he has items he's grown out of (clothes in good nick, a bike that's too small), could he be in charge of the eBay or Facebook sales of these items, and keep the money (or a share of the money in the case of bigger items)? Sorting, cleaning and checking items, photographing them, posting, communicating with the buyers, arranging pickup or delivery.

Mean.
Money dosent grow on trees.

What about all the bills and the rent that parents have to pay for. Then there's everyone's phone and contract etc.
If you want more than the family can afford go and earn it yourself.

Be enterprising. There are ways to make money.
Debatable whether they should even expect to earn for chores. Isn't that just contributing to the household your a part of.
You all live there you all help.

My sister and I vacuumed the house at weekends. We didn't get paid, we did it to help out.
Why should one person do everything?

You’re concentrating on the wrong thing. You just keep going on about him earning money. But this is not as important, at his age, as your inability to manage your spending on him, nor teach him how to budget.

I think it's completely reasonable to say if you're not willing to have the cheaper option you need to work to pay for it and/or get some of those things for Christmas. I'm a little surprised that others think this is young to be working. There are plenty of kids working in fast food at 14/15 where I am from and reffing is common from aged 12.

How often are his boots and gloves replaced? Don't give him the £40 for socialising or £70 for games if he's already had expensive boots, gloves and bat (£150??) this month. You can't resent him for the sports fees or uniform costs though. I'm in my 20s and it was rare that an under 16 found a job. Most jobs asked for school leavers, so at least 16.

Your eldest shouldn't subsidise your desire for 2 more children.

Does he do chores around the house?

My kids have all chosen to work p/t since they were 14. They like the independence and they now have a much better understanding of the value of money. They don’t ask us to pay for their extra-curricular things and they are all saving some of their money. (Two are better than the other one at this.) They are 17, 17 and 19 now and study full time and still live at home. Because they don’t earn full time I am not charging board or food, and have them on my phone plan because it’s so much cheaper. Your son’s refusal to work and expectation that you are going to pay for his hobbies is potentially a bit entitled. I think my kids have a more realistic approach to life that will enable them to live more independently as adults.

@PinkNailpolish it's very odd that people are so hung up on me having three children. My children are living a privileged lifestyle compared to the majority...worrying about whether they'll have food on the table or a roof on their head would perhaps suggest a level of irresponsibility, but not whether they can have computer games on demand. To be clear, my three sons are the best decision I've ever made and the friendship and support they have from each other can't be calculated in monetary terms. They all do multiple activities, have been on two foreign holidays this year alone and have wardrobes full of nice clothes. These are not deprived kids. I'm simply asking whether trying to start instilling a work ethic/showing the value of money when my son is growing up so privileged is a good thing or just too early. A mixed bag of responses. He does do chores but I don't pay any of the kids for general help around the house because I think all of them should pitch in in an age appropriate way cos that's just life. But I could pay him for cat washing etc.

Could he ‘work’ for you to get a bit of work ethic if that’s the main issue?

Ie £10 for mowing the grass or similar so he has a way to earn?

From your bills, there’s different categories imo:
1)Things that are essential like uniform cost or fees for sports club
2) Semi essential like football boots or goalie gloves if he’s outgrow - but you can get slightly cheaper. There’s a huge range between a £5 and 55 football glove, I would have aimed for £30 ish. If his old ones aren’t outgrown or broken, then wait 3 months until Christmas.
3) games - that’s either saved up pocket money or wait until Christmas

I wouldn’t expect them to get a job but I would give them a fixed allowance, if he wants more than the allowance he can choose to get a job or go without the extras.

If you want him to learn the value of money, how about giving him an allowance? My DS (15) gets £20 a month for socialising and £45 a month (in a separate account) for clothes including school uniform and haircuts. He has to manage this, and he loves it. He's got very creative with Vinted etc.

If he needs e.g. football boots I would set a limit like £50 and he has to find a pair that cost less, or top up with his own money.

When he is 16 I will strongly encourage him to get a job and start saving for big expenses in the future.

I agree it’s got nothing to do with how many kids you have.

Even if you could easily afford to buy him all the stuff he wants, I still wouldn’t, not from lack of money but because I think it’s excessive and would risk spoiling him to simply buy expensive items on demand. It wouldn’t teach him anything about budgeting or taking care of his stuff.

That’s why a system of you buy the basics and he has a (smallish) allowance, and/or a job, to cover luxuries works well.

You seem to have a very "all or nothing approach'.
I pay for all the essentials, so school uniforms and sporting equipment and all clubs fees. I wouldn't spend £100 on football boots though, I but the cheapest Adidas boots I can find on sports direct, I think this season that was £45. If he wants something flashier he can use his money to pay the difference. Same with trainers and goalie gloves.
I give pocket money/an allowance and they use this money for socialising, buying games etc and also any flashy clothes they want. I wouldn't just hand over £40 for going out and another £70 for a game.

Learning to budget and manage money is definitely a skill 14 year olds can be learning.

I’d lay it out really clearly to him with what you’re willing to pay for (sports clubs, basic/mid-range kit, uniform etc) and how much pocket money he’ll get. If he wants more then he either needs to wait for birthdays/Christmas or earn some money. Be really clear on no handouts or debates each time he wants something.

He sounds a bit spoilt op, having a job is probably just want he needs. I had a paper round when I was about 13/14/15. Then I helped out in a village shop for 2.5 hours one afternoon a week after school as well at 14/15 followed by a proper Saturday job when I was 16 and carrying on through a gap year (where I also worked in a school) and my first year of uni as well. Having some financial independence has been instrumental at motivating me to better myself and appreciate what I’ve got. If there’s a job available, he should be getting involved if he’s wanting all that cash- it’s such a lot of money he’s asking for!

Money for sports is one thing, £70 for games is another. I would at least make him earn that money by doing chores at home. He should be given a set amount of pocket to pay for socialising / games and learn to budget.

Definitely no new games except birthdays and Christmas. So just say: put it on your Christmas list. And that's not an endless list either.
I wouldn't push him to do the ref course if he is not keen as it takes a certain type to withstand the carry on and it needs to be his own decision. I totally disagree with him giving up football because he doesn't want to ref. That's ridiculous as it's a totally different set of skills and needs a certain type of person to take it on. A lot of adults couldn't manage it.
But yes to a monthly budget for socialising and getting him to earn money doing extra jobs etc.
He can look out for other job opportunities when he turns 15. And selling stuff online is a good call.
Also if he gets money from grandparents he should have to use that for new gear and stuff.
He had an expensive month but hopefully that's a once off.