To ask my teenager to earn some cash

[JudesBiggestFan]

My 14 year son is constantly asking for money. For sports, sports equipment, gaming, to go to the shops, generally to see his mates. Some of his friends are doing football reffing at kids matches and I've asked him to do the course so he can do the same. The fuss! He's flat refusing so I've said to him there'll be no more cash for anything other than essentials. My husband and I earn pretty well but we have three children and the expenses are constant. More than anything though, it's a principal...I'd had a paper round for two years by his age and I simply didn't expect constant hand outs from my parents. He's incredibly stubborn and always has been..I've already said if he does a few matches and hates it/gets treated badly then he can stop. But his friends are loving it as well as the financial independence...a lot of them are making 60 pounds in one morning! Am I being unreasonable for pushing it? I know it must feel daunting but we'd be there at every match with him and he's more than capable.

Paper rounds. Both mine did them.
£25 a week ish. Taught them how to handle money, gives sone a bit but also how to save if they want something more expensive.
Bit more importantly the lesson was the work ethic and the value of money.
Up at 6.45am every day come rain or shine. It gave them much more appreciation when I did spend £300 for football lessons. They said wow that is a lot, would take me weeks to earn that, thanks!

Then from 16+ working Saturday / weekend jobs.

Give him a set pocket money each week and say once it's gone it's gone.

I think 14 is a bit young to insist on a paid job to be honest. Partly because, as others have said, jobs for under 16s are few and far between. I don't see why liking football necessarily must translate to wanting to be a ref - they are completely different skills!

I'd push back on the expensive treats and tell him that he gets the basic sports equipment or waits for Christmas/birthdays. But I wouldn't push on him getting a job until 16.

(If you can't afford it, that's a different question, but that doesn't seem to be the thrust of your post. And buying school uniform is very definitely a parent responsibility.)

Just say no money and to get a job? Seems pretty simple to me.

The sports gear/fees is fine if you can afford it, with him being tall and size 13 his stuff will be more expensive. Sport is a very positive activity and it should be encouraged. My mum didn’t have a lot but scraped together what she had for me to get some nice new hockey sticks, running spikes etc. Sometimes it’s actually worth buying the more expensive stuff due to quality -within reason.

The uniform is obviously compulsory and shouldn’t be part of this discussion really and his allowance for socialising seems moderate.

The only thing to maybe scale back on is £70 computer games !

I was more like you growing up OP, had a paper round at age 15 and was desperate for my first job which I got finally at age 17 but many of my friends who came from richer backgrounds didn’t work until they were 16 or even 18 and it didn’t do them any harm at all. They are very hard working adults and driven and work summer jobs or part time during university.

As a pp pointed out this generation also needs to work more while at uni due to student loans and work longer as retirement age keeps going up and often will have to work side hussles during their working life. There will be plenty of time for them to work in the future.

the referee job sounds great but not something to be pushed into at this age.

Whilst I worked in the summer I turned 12, it's different now.

My son wanted to work at 14 but struggled to find anywhere due to insurance. He ended up doing garden clearance for a neighbour when he was moaning to them that no.one would take him at 14.

At 16 he had no problems working. He did summer work at 16/17/18 and then went into an apprenticeship.

I'd not push at 14 but make sure he realises 16 is a threshold.

Absolutely agree with all of this!

When someone starts a post on here asking “shall we have a 3rd child..” everyone always pipes up that they can have hand me downs, needn’t cost any more than 2 etc, which I agree they are fine with as babies, but teenagers are expensive!
Presumably you thought this through when you decided you could afford 3?
There are very few jobs for 14yr olds because the employments laws are very restrictive until they get to 16 when it’s a bit easier, and I wouldn’t be insisting he got a job until then unless he’s keen, after all, he will probably be working till he’s 75!

Agree with some of the other posters about it being different categories. For me:

• you provide essentials, like basic clothes, uniform etc
• for stuff like his football kit, maybe you contribute the value of a decent mid-market option. And if he wants the expensive version, he covers the difference.
• social money and games (also "extra" clothes etc.) come out of his allowance. You think about what needs/wants his allowance should cover, pick what you consider to be a reasonable amount to cover that, and if he uses it before the end of the month, or doesn't have enough, oh well, he'll learn how to budget.

Then, if he complains about money, you can give the option of getting a job, but it's basically up to him whether he lives within his means or wants more and works for it.

I also wouldn't pay for "standard" chores. I feel that it's important that everyone who lives in a house understands that they are part of it and that they are also responsible for contributing to the running and upkeep of it. Paying for chores promotes the "I won't do it unless I'm paid" view, and then on to the very common complaints seen on MN when they reach adulthood.

My DS got a paper round literally the day he turned 13. It's poorly paid but Christmas tips are excellent.
That, other leafleting jobs and ref-ing are about the only things you can do at 14. Ref-ing is really not for the faint-hearted, my friend's son who does it has his dad with him (at a discreet distance) to handle abusive parents.
DS gets some pocket money and uses that and his own money for treats, games, etc. I still pay for his clothes, gym, phone, sports hobbies, etc.
I am more pleased he does it for work ethic reasons than that I want to pay his own way.

The only reason why people mention the number of children is because you kept mentioning that you have 2 other children and expenses are constant. If you said 'my son is very spoilt and I want to insitl good work ethic in him' then the responses on this thread would've been different.

If you want you son to understand the value of money then you could ask him to find cheaper sports stuff. There are branded footy boots less than £100, goalie gloves less than £55 and baseball bats less than £150. Not asking you to buy £10 goalie gloves etc but there are many that aren't as expensive as £55. Or he could wait until Christmas or his birthday for the expensive items.

Unlike school uniform, computer games are not essential. He already gets an allowance every month (I think you said £45). He could save this up and buy the games next month. He could also do household chores to earn than £45.

The only reason why people mention the number of children is because you kept mentioning that you have 2 other children and expenses are constant. If you said 'my son is very spoilt and I want to insitl good work ethic in him' then the responses on this thread would've been different.

Yes, exactly.

It isn't remotely odd that people are bringing up your 3 children a lot OP, when you have mentioned in multiple posts the expenses associated with the number of kids you have and spoken about finding the costs overwhelming at times. They're responding to what you said.

Exactly this.

I worked when I was 14 by babysitting. I did it because it was the only way I could get money. Let him learn if he wants extra money he has to work for it.

It isn't.

You won'tbe doing him any favours mollycoddling him. Considering employers want your soul on your cv straight out of school, you'll be setting him up to be better placed than peers who don't work until they leave uni.

Plus you'll be teaching him a decent work ethic and to work for what you want.

I started with saturday jobs at 13, to part time hours a few evenings and weekends at 15 1/2 when our NI cards came though. I've never been out of work.

I had £30 a week for always keeping my room tidy and doing the dishwasher every night. Kept me happy. Should be enough for a 14 year old going and sitting around parks with his mates at the weekend etc

I do agree with the people saying it's not too young. My dad was working full time at 15 after leaving school, I had part time jobs from 12...I think we just expect less and less from kids and they end up with acres of leisure time they fill with gaming and messing about on their phones. His education is extremely important and I'm not suggesting anything that will wear him out, just a couple of hours on a Saturday. In the summer he plays cricket on both Saturday and Sunday all day so he's more than capable. He is just very very stubborn about things...I always had to drag him to clubs only to find out he loved them when he got there. It's just exhausting trying to figure out the right thing to do sometimes...far easier to give in but that doesn't feel like good parenting at all! Thanks for the opinions. The wide range does show that its not a simple one!

No, we don't expect less. Insurers and employment legislation has changed and makes the situation different.

There is no stopping them helping around the house and some maybe able to pick up work. However, for many, it's not an option however much they ask.

My son walked two miles at 14 to get an application form for a caravan park. Only to return it to be told their insurance wouldn't cover them. They admired his work ethic and the effort he had put into applying, but their hands were tied.

I suspect councils have rules as well. It's not easy for an employer nowadays to take very young people on.

Are they still sending kids up chimneys?
He's 14... don't push him into anything.
Give him pocket money for keeping his room tidy... clearing up after himself etc.. and say once it's gone it's gone.

I'd say chores to earn pocket money.

But I'd give money pocket money and let him budget how he uses it. Not £10 here, £20 there. Just a set £50 for the month (or whatever amount)

Nothing wrong with a paper round.

I wonder how many people buy papers now though? Our elderly next door neighbour drives into town every morning as the local shop stopped selling them. Delivering leaflets maybe the modern alternative!

I think 15 is really young tbh. No one that age when I was a kid had a job and I don't know anyone now.