To ask my teenager to earn some cash

[JudesBiggestFan]

My 14 year son is constantly asking for money. For sports, sports equipment, gaming, to go to the shops, generally to see his mates. Some of his friends are doing football reffing at kids matches and I've asked him to do the course so he can do the same. The fuss! He's flat refusing so I've said to him there'll be no more cash for anything other than essentials. My husband and I earn pretty well but we have three children and the expenses are constant. More than anything though, it's a principal...I'd had a paper round for two years by his age and I simply didn't expect constant hand outs from my parents. He's incredibly stubborn and always has been..I've already said if he does a few matches and hates it/gets treated badly then he can stop. But his friends are loving it as well as the financial independence...a lot of them are making 60 pounds in one morning! Am I being unreasonable for pushing it? I know it must feel daunting but we'd be there at every match with him and he's more than capable.

DH's sister worked on a farm, cash in hand. Common in that part of the country. I know other kids did dog walking, lawn mowing etc all cash in hand.
being a ref, a 'peer tutor' etc quite a few things that can be done.

For my teenage son, we would go to the shops and have a look - I told him what I was willing to spend on goalie gloves (about £22/25 Sondico ones) and then if he wanted the more expensive ones (Nike with extra finger struts (?) if I recall), he was welcome to pay the difference. Same with football boots, I was willing to buy mid-range but if he wanted more expensive ones, did he want them enough to chip in his own birthday/Xmas money? It worked really well, it meant he really had to think hard whether he wanted to spend the extra. Now he’s 16 and working part-time in M&S - he’s loving earning his own extra spending money and is very sensible with money (and I’m loving the 20% discount 😉)

I didn't particularly want my ds to work because we could afford to give him an allowance. I hate the Mumsnet "they're 16/18- they're on their own" attitude. Unless it's unavoidable of course. However, the ref training course came up and it's been a brilliant thing for him. Once he was qualified he could always pick up some work if he wanted to. He doesn't do it now as he's 22 with a proper job. But he is still registered, and could always go back to it if he wanted to.

I started work years ago at 14 and went through about 6 different jobs before I was 18 because there were so many available. DS tried really hard to get work before 16 but wasn't allowed to start until he got his national insurance number. A few of his friends got jobs at 15 in restaurants but for cash in hand they were ridiculously exploited and how they were treated was totally illegal.

Is a monthly/weekly allowance not enough?????

It's not too much to say to a 14 year old "this is the make I'll buy, if you want more expensive brands you'll have to spend a whole 2 hours of your weekend reffing kids football" hardly slave labour when it's to do with his own hobby anyway

Things have changed massively in 20 years
Kids nowadays grow up receiving more than ever
No surprise they don't grow up. Kids in some countries pick litter at 5
Here 30 yr olds playstation into the night. Cant even be bothered to claim dole

I would sit down with him (and your OH) and have a discussion about what you are/are not willing to fund and set clear boundaries.

If he 'insists' on the superior items then he pays the difference of what you are willing to pay. Otherwise, he gets what's agreed up front. So, taking a previous PPs point - goalie gloves. If you think £30 is a reasonable amount to spend that's the budget. Anything over that comes out of his pocket. How he funds that is up to him. It can be a job, allowance, savings or using birthday/Christmas money, etc.

Mine did a mixture of dance and hockey which have ongoing equipment costs when they're growing (and pointe shoes that wear out ridiculously soon after they've been broken in 😤) but understood that with 3 children we could not (and would not) afford the 'best' just because.

It's an aspect of teaching him to understand the value of money - HIS money!

Child benefit???
my daughters used to have their child benefits every week,

@JudesBiggestFan No offence, but you seem as stubborn as your son 🤔

Loads of people have suggested a middle ground, where you give your DS a monthly allowance for him to manage, or you tell him the limit each month for clothes and sports equipment, but you seem stuck on either he gets a job or you keep spending too much money on him.

I had an allowance from 14. I hated it as I couldn’t get as nice clothes as my richer friends whose mums took them on shopping sprees, but yes it taught me to budget, and when I did then get a job before uni I definitely could manage money better than some peers at uni who had never had to worry.

a computer game for £70 is definitely a xmas list item, or we’d tell our 13 yo DS to save up birthday money 🤷‍♀️

Give over with the "my dad..." nonsense, many things have changed in 10 years making it more difficult for kids to get jobs at that age never mind from two generations ago.

I think there's a balance if his tastes/needs are too expensive though and there's been some good suggestions around cash for chores and setting an allowance in black and white so he can learn to budget. If family money prevents him from doing something costly like owning a horse or buying a new £40 game every month then he needs to be aware that he has to fund that himself somehow.

At 10 years old me and my then 13 year old brother used to get up early in the morning during the spring/summer/autumn school holidays 3/4 days a week, fill our rucksack with some gardening tools, my brother would tie the strimmer to his bike and we would bike around the village knocking on people's door doing all sorts if odd jobs. We did this for a coupe of years.

At 14 I went and worked in a chippy a few days a week after school/saturdays (was around the corner from school helpfully) to help pay towards my pony (the only way I was allowed one, looking back I'm surprised my parents evene let me have a pony as we really couldn't afford it but I was pony obsessed).

I started working full time at 16.

There is no reason why he can't go and get himself a small part time job (insurance permitting, though there are jobs out there, pubs for example take youngsters as pot washers). I learnt a huge amount getting those jobs as a kid, gave me a good heads up for the real working world at 16 and gave me a much greater appreciation for my parents and the money they earned.

All these people saying 'he's 14 just let him grow up', these are the kids (a lot not all, I know some kids have their heads screwed on) that when they finally get into the working world have absolutely no idea how behave. I see it daily working in a huge company. They do school, then uni, but don't get those essential skills for dealing with the over worked and underpaid colleagues or pissed off customers dealing with the daily grind. Starting part time work now will put him on the road to getting those key life skills.

My DC fittted well into the world of work despite not working when they were still children
I was skint as a teenager and at Uni and I definitely didn’t want that for mine
Being able to support them is one of the reasons I work so hard😀

Oh give over - there's plenty of time for him to get a PT job when he's 16 - the legal school leaving age. Or failing that, at university, like plenty of other young people do.
I don't know how old you are but today's young people are highly likely to be working until they die, no cushy retirement. That's several decades of gaining 'work skills'.

Also maybe your hiring process is shit if you have so many issues with your staff. I also work for a large company, hire lots of graduates and have seen nothing like what you describe.

In fact, unlike the late noughties the bar for getting a 'graduate job' is higher people need to have work experience whether that's work experience, PT jobs or volunteering. Which most people do during the course of their degree. Nobody gets hired having done nothing other than study. I'm very impressed by what many of our grads have achieved!

Also how do you know what these people's backgrounds are - if you saw their CV, and you didn't like it then why did you hire them in the first place?

My DS1 is 14 nearly 15 and he has a paper round.
He gets £15 a week, it takes him about 40 minutes every morning Monday to Friday.
He started in June and is really enjoying having his own money, he’s learning to budget and save for the things he wants.
A couple of his friends also have paper rounds for the same shop, they only take on kids over 14 in year 9.

Yes yabu you are his parents he's a child.

I also disagree and think your post is a bit extreme.

There is a huge difference between allowing OP’s son to wait a couple of years until he is 16 to work, and him not finding his first job until after uni.

Many of us including me have started paid work at 16 and there is nothing wrong with our skills or work ethic.

our daughters both worked at a local cafe from 13. One of the best things for them learnt so many skills and more importantly the value of money and hard work.

we also made them pay 50% of any big school trips.

ours both worked on a Saturday in a local cafe from 13 and it’s been so valuable for them understanding Money and how hard it is to earn. Also they learnt so many skills.

wasn’t to do with what we could or couldn’t afford it was far more about learning skills and having some of their own money and not expecting everything in life for free

we also made them pay 50% of any big school trips

Not something I'd be proud of! How awful.

There are not many places who will employ 14 year olds. I would probably fund the sports fees and accessories. But game console games are birthdays or Xmas presents or save and buy themselves, but would never spend 70. Maybe give him a monthly allowance.