To ask my teenager to earn some cash

[JudesBiggestFan]

My 14 year son is constantly asking for money. For sports, sports equipment, gaming, to go to the shops, generally to see his mates. Some of his friends are doing football reffing at kids matches and I've asked him to do the course so he can do the same. The fuss! He's flat refusing so I've said to him there'll be no more cash for anything other than essentials. My husband and I earn pretty well but we have three children and the expenses are constant. More than anything though, it's a principal...I'd had a paper round for two years by his age and I simply didn't expect constant hand outs from my parents. He's incredibly stubborn and always has been..I've already said if he does a few matches and hates it/gets treated badly then he can stop. But his friends are loving it as well as the financial independence...a lot of them are making 60 pounds in one morning! Am I being unreasonable for pushing it? I know it must feel daunting but we'd be there at every match with him and he's more than capable.

I actually don’t think you are being unreasonable. I know times have changed. I often see posts on FB from youngsters who want to work and adults shouting them down saying they need insurance or X,Y,Z training.

We should promote independence, financial awareness and self motivation. Entrepreneurship and drive should be encouraged and understanding the value of money and how it is hard to come by and easily spent is a good life lesson.

Young people’s expectations of what they should be given is way too high nowadays.

Do you live near a town or city?

Make sure you supervise how the money is spent and have the money paid to you via PayPal etc but he can get off his bum and buy books cheaply from charity shops and resell them.

I know someone who regularly does a book sweep of the charity shops in her area and either looks on an app or uses book websites to see the resell value and if it's worth buying or not and then resells at a huge profit.

She's also doing it with records as vinyl in excellent condition is also selling well.

My parents pushed me to work starting at 14 and it was unbelievably stressful. It as hard to find paying work at that age. It was also difficult to balance work with being a high performing, very involved student at school.

we have encouraged our own 14 year old to make sure she takes advantage of her downtime during larger breaks. That can mean finding interesting and enriching activities which we will pay for, it could mean work, but it can also mean volunteering. As long as it does not mean sitting around staring at her phone for weeks on end we are happy.

I’m doing some googling and interestingly, it says 13 and 14 year olds are only allowed to work max 5 hours on saturdays and 2 hours on sundays. So i think that would also rule out some options. I honestly think nowadays 16 is much more realistic to be earning money. And even then there are restrictions, such as needing supervision on tills.

I also feel a bit influenced by the fact that quite a few of his friends (with parents I really respect) have started jobs, either reffing or doing paper rounds (they can still be found!) or washing pots at the local cafe. They're all lovely boys and I feel they're being taught the value of money in a way Im just not teaching him with endless handouts. Im a really generous person but he has sooo much leisure time...I felt like two hours a week with a view to earning £240 was a pretty good deal. He has very expensive tastes and any attempt to suggest cheap alternatives meets with no success. Plus he is 6'2 with size 13 feet so nothing is cheap! But I will think some more.

You don't need to spend so much on the sports stuff though? I'd just buy him basic stuff, if he wants something a bit trendier he'll need to wait until Christmas.

£70 on games 😵‍💫 absolutely ridiculous, I'd laugh and assume he was joking.

I'd give him £50 a month to spend on what he likes and buy the basic sports gear.

I fully expected to cover extracurricular costs at that age such as sports equipment. And a normal amount of pocket money etc for socialising. I think you factor these things in when deciding how many kids you can afford. Obviously, the extent to which you can cover this will depend on what you earn, but I wouldn't expect a 14yo to be covering these costs themselves

I don't think £70 for gaming is a reasonable request... that sounds more like a Christmas or birthday present. He needs to understand that there isn't a bottomless pit, and he is frankly a bit entitled if he doesn't understand that at his age.

I started giving my dd an allowance to cover most things at that age, so that she could learn to budget for herself. I carried on paying for school costs (including uniform etc), extracurricular activities (including kit) and essential toiletries etc but she was responsible for other clothes, shoes, gifts, socialising, posh toiletries and other random wants. She got her first job just after her 16th birthday and was one of the first in her peer group to do so. (Her now boyfriend was probably the first, think he started PT work at around 14, but definitely not the norm.)

My 15 yo gets paid £22 a week pocket money for
Feeding the dogs daily, doing the dish washer daily, emptying the bins as needed, cleaning the bathroom one Saturday and hovering the stairs the following Saturday ( alternating). I do give her scope to earn more money by doing extra jobs and she has to do her own decorating in her room (we pay). But nowshe is also doing baby sitting to earn an extra £20-60 a week. Money doesn't go very far these days! I do buy her clothes, she has a budget of £200 ish every autumn and £200ish every spring/summer. School uniform and 1 pair of trainers and 1 pair of shoes are also paid for . Anything else is from her own money or birthdays etc.

They have their whole lives to work
None of mine worked until after they had finished their school exams

Does he not save birthday/Christmas money for games and such?.
I do think an allowance is necessary at this age and teaches them to budget. Mine really hates spending his own money so only does so when it's something he really wants. He's very good at saving!
I've told mine I expect him to get a p/t job at 16, I worked from 13!
I do buys sports gear but if he wants particularly expensive boots for example, he has to contribute.

Sports equipment isnt a treat, I'd not be handing over £70 for a game, give him an allowance for extras and he can save for the bigger things.

This month so far he's had

£155 football
100 pounds in football boots, 55 pounds on goalie gloves for the new season

£40 pocket money
40 pounds on his bank card for socialising

This is all reasonable.

and now he's asking for 70 pounds for a games.
Say no, put it on your Christmas list.

He has also had 80 pounds in sports fees.
Is this football fees for the season? If that’s his hobby you’ve agreed to it’s reasonable.

He broke his cricket bat the other night and is asking for 150 for a new one.
Say you’ll put it on his Christmas list, assuming it’s not cricket season right now.

Give him an allowance with agreements about what it’s to cover (socialising & games). Discuss his hobbies and how many you can afford - if you can’t afford both cricket & football, tell him. If he wants spendy trainers/brands etc say what you are willing to spend and if he needs more to get the exact thing he wants (£60 trainers vs £120 brand) then he tops up from his allowance.

Create the impetus for him to want to earn money. But don’t cut him off 100% at 14 if you’ve never put limits on anything before now.

From what you’ve said, if him having a proper job now is a lost cause, i’d recommend starting with some serious conversations about giving him less stuff just because he asks for it, teach him about your actual life costs, and then think about voluntary work for him on occasion, gradually building up to a paid job around 16. This will also look great on his cv.

I had a paying job from 13 but I never expected mine to get a job under 18. I wanted them to focus on studies. That said they didn’t constantly ask me for money, if they did then perhaps I’d have said the same

You had three kids so can’t moan about
paying for their uniforms and hobbies.

I’d fund his sports as it is healthy physically and socially, but gaming and non essentials are for birthdays and christmas.

Or give him a set allowance for extras in exchange for a certain amount of chores. Ironing, washing the car, hoovering.

This

Give him a sensible allowance and help him to budget.

You are not unreasonable to not supply endless money for treats but you are for expecting him to work.

Just be clear in what you will fund and what you won't. The rest is up to him. He can budget, save birthday money, sell some of his stuff, get a job.

My 13 year old gets all of his activities paid for, school lunches, bus fare, uniforms and clothing, basic phone and contract.

He gets £5 a week to cover going out with his mates and sometimes we will top that up but do expect him to take snacks and drinks from home, not frittering money away buying crap from the co op.

If we need something doing around the house that's above normal chipping in eg washing wheelie bins we'll give him some token money. (also the neighbours love it when he does cos he charges £2 per bin and he's quids in).

Just tighten the reins and stand firm. Otherwise he'll grow up entitled.

My dd3’s clubs are £150 a month plus all equipment. I’ve never thought to make her feel bad, I encourage her to do enrichment activities and support her with them. Football boots are fairly essential for a dc who plays football so why are you begrudgingly buying them? It’s also very hard to get paid work under the age of 16 now so it’s rare ime. Dd1 is 15 and did a few waitressing shifts in the summer but none of her friends did. I think you’re being a bit mean.

I'm not saying I begrudge the sports equipment. But whenever there is a cheaper option he refuses it and insists on a more expensive one. I know very many people who have stopped their children doing clubs because of the expense of it - they are not a cheap option, particularly with regional travel on top. I certainly did no clubs after the age of 11...being from a working class family I had parents who had neither the time nor money to facilitate. I never had driving lessons paid for, a car, my university was self funded...I just wonder whether that is why I did so well for myself and if in giving him every opportunity he could wish for, he appreciates none of it. Or will he suddenly develop a work ethic and desire to earn later in?!

Could you buy him a bucket and sponge and send him out to knock on neighbours doors and offer to wash their cars? I'd happily pay for a basic 10-minute car wash, nothing anything fancy, just a quick sponge clean of the windows, roof and doors.

They might need to provide a couple of buckets of clean water but it could work with a bit of thought. He could make a good chunk if he didn't mind getting a bit wet on a Sunday when people are home!

A young guy approached me when I'd parked in a carpark once a few years ago and offered to wash my windscreen for a pound or two. He did a great job! He was waiting by the ticket machine so must have got a fair bit of business.

On a similar note, I saw an article a few years back where parents set their teenagers a summer holiday business challenge - they each got £50 start up money and whoever paid the money back and made the biggest profit at the end of the summer won. I can't remember what they both did but the winner took the lawnmower out of the shed and charged £10 to mow neighbours gardens - ended getting so much business that they stuck at it!

Good luck to your son, first jobs are usually a bit rubbish but give you a taste of independence!

Sorry OP - I think you are buying him too much . Fair enough he needs football boots but they don’t need to be £100 and £70 on a game is a Christmas present not just a random request . I buy my children what they need though it may not be the most popular version , they have a small allowance each month which they use for spending money when out with friends and gaming - anything more major it’s birthdays or Christmas

You're possibly being a bit optimistic. It's not the 90s anymore, you can't be comparing your son to you when nobody gives 12 year olds paper rounds any more. If they even still exist!

In respect of the principle of the thing, I think it should be more about teaching him the value of money, rather than you finding the financial consequences of your reproductive choices a bit overwhelming. He does need to learn to budget. A £70 game is a Christmas present, as others have said.

He's too young to have a paid job. But neither should you give him constant handouts. Give him pocket money and tell him.he has to use that to save up for luxuries

He's a child OP. I fail to see how he can 'insist' on a more expensive option.
He takes what he's given if he refuses a cheaper one then he goes without.
You've spoilt him I'm afraid. Best to nip it in the bud now.
Especially as his own friends are working for money and you know many people whose kids have stopped clubs he's not exactly surrounded by luxury is he. At 14 he should be old enough to understand the need to cut back.

If he refuses the cheaper option then you just say it's that or nothing. He's learnt to guilt you into spending £££.

He sounds so spoilt.

Just tell him no.

Why would he have a work ethic when he knows you'll spend silly money on whatever he wants 🤷‍♀️