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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have anticipated this fall out... inheritance

130 replies

Livelifelaughter · 03/10/2023 18:15

We are sorting out my mum's estate. In her Will everything is split between my brother, me and my nephew; my nephew gets a fixed amount and the rest is split equally between me and my brother. My parents had very separate finances and my dad is financially fine, not flush, can afford cleaners, help etc. He is in his mid 90s. By my calculations my brother and I will get about 25k. My mum's share in the house passes to dad but obviously that isn't a liquid asset.My dad has always known the Will contents. He has said he thinks he should get 25 per cent, he hasn't said why. I am really surprised. Given his age it seems odd. I work full time, my brother is retired. It seems as though my dad just would like something but didn't suggest it to my mum because she would probably have asked "what for?"

OP posts:
user1846385927482658 · 03/10/2023 18:18

Because his wife has died and her will makes him feel unloved. That's usually what causes people pain about wills that are drawn up in a cold financial way.

Sorry for your loss.

DustyLee123 · 03/10/2023 18:19

I’d dispose of the Will like your mum wanted.

amiold · 03/10/2023 18:23

Won't you get a share of his estate (the house and any money) after his day? I'd maybe give him 25% to keep the peace

Paperbagsaremine · 03/10/2023 18:25

amiold · 03/10/2023 18:23

Won't you get a share of his estate (the house and any money) after his day? I'd maybe give him 25% to keep the peace

Not if it goes on care costs... she said with grim pragmatism.

Original poster
Livelifelaughter · 03/10/2023 18:27

amiold · 03/10/2023 18:23

Won't you get a share of his estate (the house and any money) after his day? I'd maybe give him 25% to keep the peace

I am inclined to agree, but would need to see if there's a tax implication.

OP posts:
Pammela2 · 03/10/2023 18:27

I’d just do as your mum wanted. I’m not sure what your dad would need it for- unless he ended up need care and it was spent on that!

Maybe just have a conversation where you explain you are willing to support him with any needs but are going to execute the will as it was written.

Ponderingwindow · 03/10/2023 18:31

I find it odd when someone dies and their entire estate or at least the bulk of their estate doesn’t go to their spouse . The children will eventually inherit after the remaining spouse does, but the spouse should have access to the resources in the interim.

however, that isn’t how the mother wrote the will and the husband had the chance to object while she was alive. I would respect her wishes.

Original poster
Livelifelaughter · 03/10/2023 18:33

Ponderingwindow · 03/10/2023 18:31

I find it odd when someone dies and their entire estate or at least the bulk of their estate doesn’t go to their spouse . The children will eventually inherit after the remaining spouse does, but the spouse should have access to the resources in the interim.

however, that isn’t how the mother wrote the will and the husband had the chance to object while she was alive. I would respect her wishes.

I think it depends on estate value as that wouldn't be great tax planning and also age.

OP posts:
RichardArmitagesWife · 03/10/2023 18:38

I think your father is feeling hurt. That’s understandable.

I’d leave things as your mother intended but acknowledge your father’s feelings.

Giving a portion to your father won’t salve the hurt that his wife didn’t leave him anything and in practice, care costs may swallow it anyway.

Passepartoute · 03/10/2023 18:43

Ponderingwindow · 03/10/2023 18:31

I find it odd when someone dies and their entire estate or at least the bulk of their estate doesn’t go to their spouse . The children will eventually inherit after the remaining spouse does, but the spouse should have access to the resources in the interim.

however, that isn’t how the mother wrote the will and the husband had the chance to object while she was alive. I would respect her wishes.

Did he have the chance to object? It sounds as if he didn't know about it.

He would have a right anyway to make a claim on the estate under the Inheritance (Family and Dependants) Act.

amiold · 03/10/2023 18:46

Yes I had thought about the care costs but .... yeah.
Difficult situation really. Maybe point out to him he couldn't spend his own estate never mind your mothers and then the state would swallow it up in costs anyways. Obviously you know him best so if that would upset him, then don't say that

TheaBrandt · 03/10/2023 18:48

It’s very odd not to leave your estate to the surviving spouse. It’s not tax efficient as you lose your spousal exemption. The survivor will almost certainly have a claim as a spouse if they don’t consider they are reasonably provided for. Did a professional draft the will? Usually the survivor has a life interest if the first to die is worried about care fees / remarriage of survivor.

jolaylasofia · 03/10/2023 18:49

she has left him her share of the house- what's the issue?

Saschka · 03/10/2023 18:50

DFIL felt similar about DH and DSIL inheriting anything from DMIL - he felt that, as they were married, she had bequeathed his personal money away. Could it be something like that?

(DFIL was only mildly put out, it didn’t cause a rift or anything. He just thought it was all his money in the first place and should all have gone back to him).

ErrolTheDragon · 03/10/2023 18:50

Did he have the chance to object? It sounds as if he didn't know about it.

The op said 'My dad has always known the Will contents'.

FloweryName · 03/10/2023 18:52

He probably feels that the home he bought and lives in is 50% owned by people who aren’t his wife.

If he named your Mum in his will then it’s fair enough that he expected her to mention him. I know I’d be a bit gutted if the person I married left their money to their nephew instead of me, the person who is by far the most impacted by their death.

Naunet · 03/10/2023 18:54

I don’t think your dads opinion on your mums will, should override what your mum wanted in her own will. Surely her opinion on her own estate, is the most important one?

Sorry for your loss OP.

0lga · 03/10/2023 18:54

FloweryName · 03/10/2023 18:52

He probably feels that the home he bought and lives in is 50% owned by people who aren’t his wife.

If he named your Mum in his will then it’s fair enough that he expected her to mention him. I know I’d be a bit gutted if the person I married left their money to their nephew instead of me, the person who is by far the most impacted by their death.

His wife left him her half of the house, so now he owns it all.

Naunet · 03/10/2023 18:55

FloweryName · 03/10/2023 18:52

He probably feels that the home he bought and lives in is 50% owned by people who aren’t his wife.

If he named your Mum in his will then it’s fair enough that he expected her to mention him. I know I’d be a bit gutted if the person I married left their money to their nephew instead of me, the person who is by far the most impacted by their death.

OP said: My mum's share in the house passes to dad

titchy · 03/10/2023 18:56

FloweryName · 03/10/2023 18:52

He probably feels that the home he bought and lives in is 50% owned by people who aren’t his wife.

If he named your Mum in his will then it’s fair enough that he expected her to mention him. I know I’d be a bit gutted if the person I married left their money to their nephew instead of me, the person who is by far the most impacted by their death.

OP says her father gets her mother's share of the house, not OP. So he's inherited the majority of her assets which he could liquidate if he chose to.

BIossomtoes · 03/10/2023 19:00

Livelifelaughter · 03/10/2023 18:33

I think it depends on estate value as that wouldn't be great tax planning and also age.

Show quote history

Good tax planning is leaving your entire estate to your spouse to make it tax free. That’s why it’s standard practice.

Amabilis · 03/10/2023 19:02

Does he need the money, op? What is his pension provision like? For one to live costs more than half two.

I imagine that he is feeling very lost and this may be making him feel anxious about the money.

CraftyPance · 03/10/2023 19:02

Seems odd not to leave it to her DH, and just leave you 3 a set sum but still leaving your Dad some. But if that's what she's chosen she must have had her reasons.

Zanatdy · 03/10/2023 19:05

It’s standard practice to leave your estate to your surviving spouse, and as someone else said tax wise that makes the most sense. No wonder he’s feeling unloved when her nephew is included but not him

truthhurts23 · 03/10/2023 19:05

He’s being selfish
, no offence but why is he “hurt” he’s going to die in a few years