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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have anticipated this fall out... inheritance

130 replies

Livelifelaughter · 03/10/2023 18:15

We are sorting out my mum's estate. In her Will everything is split between my brother, me and my nephew; my nephew gets a fixed amount and the rest is split equally between me and my brother. My parents had very separate finances and my dad is financially fine, not flush, can afford cleaners, help etc. He is in his mid 90s. By my calculations my brother and I will get about 25k. My mum's share in the house passes to dad but obviously that isn't a liquid asset.My dad has always known the Will contents. He has said he thinks he should get 25 per cent, he hasn't said why. I am really surprised. Given his age it seems odd. I work full time, my brother is retired. It seems as though my dad just would like something but didn't suggest it to my mum because she would probably have asked "what for?"

OP posts:
Tinkerbyebye · 03/10/2023 19:07

He gets the house though. Your mum could have given her share to the three of you, but has given it to your dad, that’s his share of the will

i would do what your mum wants, if she wanted him to have cash she would have left him that

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 03/10/2023 19:08

Ponderingwindow · 03/10/2023 18:31

I find it odd when someone dies and their entire estate or at least the bulk of their estate doesn’t go to their spouse . The children will eventually inherit after the remaining spouse does, but the spouse should have access to the resources in the interim.

however, that isn’t how the mother wrote the will and the husband had the chance to object while she was alive. I would respect her wishes.

He's getting her portion of the house. Her dad could decline, need care, marry one of his carers and everything get left to them. Could fall out and he could make a will excluding them. He could live 10 years in a care home and all money go on care. It's becoming more and more common even for the house to be left to the kids with the spouse being able to live there until they die.

flowellaben · 03/10/2023 19:11

Zanatdy · 03/10/2023 19:05

It’s standard practice to leave your estate to your surviving spouse, and as someone else said tax wise that makes the most sense. No wonder he’s feeling unloved when her nephew is included but not him

It's their grandson not nephew.

zurala · 03/10/2023 19:12

Who benefited most from them having separate finances? Did your dad think he was better off than your mum and had no idea how much she had?
I don't think he can moan given that their finances were separate, he's lucky to have had the house given to him.

TheSilentSister · 03/10/2023 19:13

Your DM obviously had her own private reasons for wanting to do this, which is borne out by your DF asking for 25%! Stick to your guns and carry out your DM wishes. She wanted you both to enjoy the money, so do so.

Oftenaddled · 03/10/2023 19:15

At that age, what chance has he ever of getting a lump sum to treat himself again? And there's the emotional response.

If you aren't in need, I'd give him the 25%.

Lovesocksie · 03/10/2023 19:19

You have made it clear your parents had very separate finances. Not sure why but that’s how it worked for them. It would seem your dad would not have mentioned 25% when your mum was alive, knowing the contents of the will, as she would likely have refused!
He may get the 25% figure from sharing things equally between the four of you maybe.

No 90 odd year old needs large amounts of cash, especially not at the expense of their children. You don’t mention anything about your dad’s personality but it seems selfish, sorry!
Tax implications won’t matter if the estate is fairly small, which sounds the case.
It was clearly your mum’s wishes to do it this way and I would honour those wishes, whilst reassuring dad he will always be looked after. It would be horrible if this causes a row, but your mum has had her say.
I’m sorry for the loss of your mum.

JudgeRudy · 03/10/2023 19:24

jolaylasofia · 03/10/2023 18:49

she has left him her share of the house- what's the issue?

But that's of no real value to him now is it. Its only valuable if he downsizes.

Yalta · 03/10/2023 19:30

Ponderingwindow
Not necessarily. If the surviving parent remarries they are free to leave everything to whoever they want.
The children who the parent who died loved so much and assumed would eventually get their assets and those of the surviving parent when they passed away really has no idea what will happen to their monies and property beyond what they put in their will

We have a situation where Fil died leaving everything to mil and if she pre deceased him then dgc would get a small percentage each and the remainder would be split between bil and dh and mil’s will said the same
However mil changed her will and it cut out dh and dgc. Bil got the lot.

I don’t think fil would have ever envisaged that one of his children and his dgc would be cut out like this

Viviennethebeautiful · 03/10/2023 19:30

My mum left her half of the house to me and my brother. Occasionally we even rib him that if he doesn’t behave we will evict him. We all understand that we don’t mean it and it makes him laugh.
He is the same age as your dad and was behind moving to an arrangement where this could happen. He doesn’t want either the care system or the tax man to get it.
I can understand him maybe wanting things that remind him of your mum but not cash. At this age they really can’t spend it, except on care which they get regardless of means.

Original poster
Livelifelaughter · 03/10/2023 19:31

BIossomtoes · 03/10/2023 19:00

Good tax planning is leaving your entire estate to your spouse to make it tax free. That’s why it’s standard practice.

Show quote history

Between two spouses it is but then the estate is larger on the death of the remaining spouse, in this case my dad's life expectancy is such that he has the chance to spend it !

OP posts:
JudgeRudy · 03/10/2023 19:31

Why are so many people baffled by why a 90 year old might want some money? Maybe he's a collector, or wants to go on a cruise, to pay for a refurbished, or taxis everywhere or simply have salmon for dinner every day.
Maybe he has debts...who knows. In this position I'd be asking more Qs

partypant · 03/10/2023 19:34

Ponderingwindow · 03/10/2023 18:31

I find it odd when someone dies and their entire estate or at least the bulk of their estate doesn’t go to their spouse . The children will eventually inherit after the remaining spouse does, but the spouse should have access to the resources in the interim.

however, that isn’t how the mother wrote the will and the husband had the chance to object while she was alive. I would respect her wishes.

To reduce inheritance tax. To take money out of the pit that may go into paying care home fees. Because the other spouse may not need it but the dc might. Many reasons.

GirlOfTudor · 03/10/2023 19:36

I'm so happy to have poor parents who will have almost nothing to give away once the time comes!
Such middle class problems...

Original poster
Livelifelaughter · 03/10/2023 19:37

Passepartoute · 03/10/2023 18:43

Did he have the chance to object? It sounds as if he didn't know about it.

He would have a right anyway to make a claim on the estate under the Inheritance (Family and Dependants) Act.

Show quote history

Yes, they did their Wills together and he looked after them. He isn't a dependent, to make a claim under the Act he would need to demonstrate he relied on my mum in some financial way...and he really didn't and vice versa.

OP posts:
Original poster
Livelifelaughter · 03/10/2023 19:39

JudgeRudy · 03/10/2023 19:31

Why are so many people baffled by why a 90 year old might want some money? Maybe he's a collector, or wants to go on a cruise, to pay for a refurbished, or taxis everywhere or simply have salmon for dinner every day.
Maybe he has debts...who knows. In this position I'd be asking more Qs

That's so funny bar the salmon he does take Ubers everywhere, but good on him, he's getting out and not giving up.

OP posts:
M0nica44 · 03/10/2023 19:40

@GirlOfTudor I've often thought that too. __Avoids a lot of stress and bother.

Yalta · 03/10/2023 19:40

I think if you want your children to get what you want to give them from your estate then you don’t rely on other people to do it for you with their will No matter how close to your children they are.

If you want to leave your children your estate then do so. Don’t expect their mother/father to do your wishes in years to come

I have had similar happen to me.

Yalta · 03/10/2023 19:45

Viviennethebeautiful at 90 years old mil was enjoying herself. Going on cruises and going out to the bridge club and she had a string of bf’s who sadly all died before she did. Don’t think because you are 90 years old you can’t make it beyond the corner shop

Blanketpolicy · 03/10/2023 19:53

I feel sorry for your poor dad that his wife chose to give away all their family money. That must of hurt if it was unexpected.

But I guess that is what happens when spouses have separate finances there is perhaps this risk that their family money is not left to support the surviving, and bereaved, spouses final years to be as good as they possibly can be before passing to the children.

It wouldn't have sat right with me at all inheriting anything other than perhaps something sentimental before both my parents had died.

Iwantmyoldnameback · 03/10/2023 19:58

Ponderingwindow · 03/10/2023 18:31

I find it odd when someone dies and their entire estate or at least the bulk of their estate doesn’t go to their spouse . The children will eventually inherit after the remaining spouse does, but the spouse should have access to the resources in the interim.

however, that isn’t how the mother wrote the will and the husband had the chance to object while she was alive. I would respect her wishes.

To protect against care home costs.

autiebooklover · 03/10/2023 20:00

My mum did exactly the same. She didn't want my dad remarrying and leaving her share to a new family. Nor did she want us to lose out on inheritance due to dad needing a care home . We inherited her money and dad got the house. When he dies we get everything.

If he doesn't need it I wouldn't give him it , it's not what your mum wanted and it's not his decision.

Original poster
Livelifelaughter · 03/10/2023 20:04

Yalta · 03/10/2023 19:45

Viviennethebeautiful at 90 years old mil was enjoying herself. Going on cruises and going out to the bridge club and she had a string of bf’s who sadly all died before she did. Don’t think because you are 90 years old you can’t make it beyond the corner shop

Love this !

OP posts:
Original poster
Livelifelaughter · 03/10/2023 20:06

Blanketpolicy · 03/10/2023 19:53

I feel sorry for your poor dad that his wife chose to give away all their family money. That must of hurt if it was unexpected.

But I guess that is what happens when spouses have separate finances there is perhaps this risk that their family money is not left to support the surviving, and bereaved, spouses final years to be as good as they possibly can be before passing to the children.

It wouldn't have sat right with me at all inheriting anything other than perhaps something sentimental before both my parents had died.

It wasn't unexpected. I do think though the reality is hard for him. My mother if she was alive would go nuts if we gave everything to my dad, but I can understand him feeling hurt all the same, although he hasn't said so.

OP posts:
Meeting · 03/10/2023 20:06

Have you asked him why?