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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not have anticipated this fall out... inheritance

130 replies

Livelifelaughter · 03/10/2023 18:15

We are sorting out my mum's estate. In her Will everything is split between my brother, me and my nephew; my nephew gets a fixed amount and the rest is split equally between me and my brother. My parents had very separate finances and my dad is financially fine, not flush, can afford cleaners, help etc. He is in his mid 90s. By my calculations my brother and I will get about 25k. My mum's share in the house passes to dad but obviously that isn't a liquid asset.My dad has always known the Will contents. He has said he thinks he should get 25 per cent, he hasn't said why. I am really surprised. Given his age it seems odd. I work full time, my brother is retired. It seems as though my dad just would like something but didn't suggest it to my mum because she would probably have asked "what for?"

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 03/10/2023 23:16

TheaBrandt · 03/10/2023 18:48

It’s very odd not to leave your estate to the surviving spouse. It’s not tax efficient as you lose your spousal exemption. The survivor will almost certainly have a claim as a spouse if they don’t consider they are reasonably provided for. Did a professional draft the will? Usually the survivor has a life interest if the first to die is worried about care fees / remarriage of survivor.

Basically it just seems like a way of avoiding it going on the husband's care fees potentially.

Mooshamoo · 03/10/2023 23:21

Wills and inheritances can be so painful and people often fall out. I think the emotional pain is more , because at a time when someone close to you dies, and you are hurtijf from that.

you expect relatives round you to be kind and caring to you, instead people often end up arguing about money.

Also it's hard in another way. I feel if you are left money in a will, you often don't ge to enjoy it, because the people who are not left anything get jealous and tear you down.

Me and my uncle totally fell out over my father's will. That was six years ago and we haven't spoken to each other since

Saschka · 03/10/2023 23:21

BIossomtoes · 03/10/2023 21:20

She may have been concerned that he’d remarry and leave the money to the new wife.

So many nonogenarians remarry! And she left him the most valuable asset. That doesn’t compute.

He may not have been a nonagenarian when she wrote the will! DFIL remarried aged 75…

Mooshamoo · 03/10/2023 23:23

My dad left his money to me and my brother. Other people weren't happy..they were jealous.

There were a lot of nasty remarks and a lot of talk about challenging the will. It was suggested strongly to me that I should give a third of the money to some one else. I had to really stand up and fight for myself. By the time I got the moment ages later, I felt so worn down from all the arguing.

Mooshamoo · 03/10/2023 23:24

*by the time I got the money ages later

Justifiedcheese · 03/10/2023 23:30

DH has left his substantial pension pot to DS1, not to me. Why not, he earned it.

maddening · 03/10/2023 23:54

zurala · 03/10/2023 19:12

Who benefited most from them having separate finances? Did your dad think he was better off than your mum and had no idea how much she had?
I don't think he can moan given that their finances were separate, he's lucky to have had the house given to him.

This is a good question- v unusual for couples of that age.to have separate finances

Codlingmoths · 03/10/2023 23:55

How were roles shared growing up op? I would expect most women your mums age who have had children and have separate finances have made more sacrifices and worked harder than their spouse to both earn and bring in income as well as raising children and quite often bearing the brunt of ‘extra’ costs- shoes coats clubs treats. If so, your dad has more than had his 25%.

if that’s not the case then it’s sheer practicality- he won’t need it and it will end up with you anyway, wiht the bonus she can make sure it goes to you how she wants. Neither of them are wrong, he hasn’t factored in how he would feel about that when it happened but I don’t know if you giving him some would change how he feels either.

Ihadenough22 · 04/10/2023 00:26

Why does a man of 90 need a large sum of cash? I could understand if he was on a low pension but you told us he is not short of money.
I don't know what ages you and the other relatives are that received cash. As a younger person a few thousand can help pay for education for a career, help towards a house deposit or help put grandchildren through college.
I would say to your father that he has been left half of the house and that his house is worth X amount of money. I would also tell him that financially you can't afford to give him this money.

FictionalCharacter · 04/10/2023 01:58

Talipesmum · 03/10/2023 21:50

Could you and your brother offer to give him a chunk of money for getting a gift or something to remember your mum by, something particular? It doesn’t sound like he needs the money but he may feel sad she didn’t leave him something “loving” rather than practical??

He’s saying he should get 25% of the money, not a sentimental thing. And he has the house that was jointly theirs. I’m sure he has enough to remember his wife by!

He knew what was in the will, he shouldn’t now be asking his children to override it.

BIossomtoes · 04/10/2023 06:01

Justifiedcheese · 03/10/2023 23:30

DH has left his substantial pension pot to DS1, not to me. Why not, he earned it.

He must love paying tax. No inheritance tax if left to a spouse.

ElleCapitaine · 04/10/2023 06:08

His share of the will is the house, so of greater value than the £25k you’re getting.

Luckyduc · 04/10/2023 06:45

Shouldn't 100% of everything she has go to your dad? He did marry her after all and is next of kin. Only after he dies should the money be split between children.

Noicant · 04/10/2023 06:53

If they kept separate finances and he benefited from that arrangement he really has no cause to complain.

TrashedSofa · 04/10/2023 07:00

Trippinthelightfantastic · 03/10/2023 20:36

@Ponderingwindow

I don’t find it odd at all.

After my experience of watching what happens when a wife predeceases her husband… I am leaving all to DC, with the exception of a life insurance policy for DH.

You would like to think the remaining spouse would pass on everything to the DC, but potential new gfs/wives/friends/other people who swarm around widowers can have other ideas.

OP’s Mum seems sensible.

Show quote history

Definitely. And OP should honour her wishes.

dayofcheese · 04/10/2023 07:01

I am assuming large estate and will drawn up with a solicitor after they were married.

Anyway - there will be a reason she drew it up this way and you should honor her wishes. I note you say they were drawn up together so his time to challenge was then. You cannot ask questions of the deceased.

dayofcheese · 04/10/2023 07:02

BIossomtoes · 04/10/2023 06:01

He must love paying tax. No inheritance tax if left to a spouse.

Show quote history

He'll be deceased so he won't care.

Also perhaps they have a large estate and will already be paying tax

TeenagersAngst · 04/10/2023 07:06

OP, the IHT allowance passes to the spouse so your post from 1931 yesterday doesn't make sense. The estate being larger when the second spouse dies is mitigated by said spouse having double the IHT allowance.

In this case, unless your dad is a millionaire or the house is very large, it doesn't sound like IHT will be a concern.

I do agree that inheriting directly from your DM removes some money out of your dad's estate which could have ended up being used for care home fees so that's a positive.

TheaBrandt · 04/10/2023 07:09

There are ways of picking up the iht spousal exemption ensuring first to dies half of estate not necessarily used for survivors care but is available for it if family need it whilst ensuring first to dies share is available for survivor during their lifetime but is legally protected for children on survivors death or remarriage. Any half decent solicitor would draft a will that does that - not leave it straight to kids if spouse is living. Then she could have done right by you dad and protected her half of house for you too. She was badly advised.

ImWally6 · 04/10/2023 07:41

Why wouldn't everything pass to your dad anyway? Automatically? They're married? Surely it's his house

TrashedSofa · 04/10/2023 07:55

ImWally6 · 04/10/2023 07:41

Why wouldn't everything pass to your dad anyway? Automatically? They're married? Surely it's his house

The house has passed to him, but being married doesn't mean everything automatically goes to the spouse.

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 04/10/2023 08:02

It's irrelevant. Deal with it as per the Will. There really cannot be an argument.

Wasywasydoodah · 04/10/2023 08:05

My MIL married a man late in life, spent most of his money and got most of the money on his death. She also nursed him and dealt with his very unpleasant personality. But I can imagine how his kids felt…

helpfulperson · 04/10/2023 08:08

Surely all money in a marriage is a marital asset, how can one person leave it to someone else. If they had divorced it would have been split evenly no matter if it was in one persons bank account.

beAsensible1 · 04/10/2023 08:10

I’d be careful because you have no idea what his will says, or if he’ll find a new partner and make them the beneficiary or the partners children.